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The Academy Awards Brought To You By Kortney Shane

26 Feb

 

Let’s begin…

The Academy Awards are tomorrow night. So it’s only right that I issue my movie awards for the year. Now I have to let you know that I have my own special categories and qualifications. First of all any movie that I have seen this year qualifies. It doesn’t matter if the movie came out 10 years ago. This mean that Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo could be my movie of the year. Also I have no problem saying that a movie sucks. If it was bad it was bad. So, I will break it down, and try to keep it simple.

*Please note that I do not plan on seeing Black Swan. I have seen enough reviews of this film to know it will make me vomit at some point in time. I put the over/under at 15 minutes.

Movies of the Year

The King’s Speech

    This movie was dope. I was skeptical going in, but it surpassed all expectations.

The Fighter

I enjoyed it, but come on. We’ve seen this genre of sports movie in all its possible forms. The movie didn’t surprise me, but it was worth seeing.

Inception

Even though I still can’t figure it out. I’m pretty sure something cool happened. Plus I enjoyed the way they made the city block turn upside down. The moral of this story is if

The Town

    This is a great movie. Ben Affleck did a good job directing.

The Social Network

    This was my favorite movie this year

Gran Torino

I know it came out a while ago, but notice my qualifications.

“What Was That” Movies of the Year

Alice in Wonderland

    I thought this would be worth my time, but I was sadly mistaken. This thing just didn’t work.

Piranha 3D

This is the poster child for when 3D goes too far. It reminds of 1997 when skater jeans were in style, and everyone was wearing Jincos. We have to get this #D thing under control.

The Expendables

I don’t know if you wasted your time watching this movie, but I sure didn’t. I saw enough in the previews to make me pass on this. I would venture to say, that theres not enough steroids in Hollywood to lure me into watching a Sylvester Stallone action film.

Grown Ups

    I think this movie was supposed to me laugh, but it confused me. I’m still trying to figure what was going on.

MacGruber

    This should have never happened.

Actors of the year

Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech

    This dude is my pick for performer of the year. He was incredible.

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

    He killed it.

Don Cheadle, Brooklyn’s Finest

    Not a good movie, but a great performance

Jeremy Renner, The Town

    It’s official; dude is a beast when he’s in his element. Renner takes over any time he’s on the screen.

Clint Eastwood, Gran Torino

    I’m not an Eastwood fan, but this was dope. I would have put him as actor of the year, but something tells me he won’t qualify.

Christian Bale, The Fighter

    He was great in the movie. I just hope he was acting.

Actresses of the year

Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit

    She was great.

Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

    I finally finished this movie, and she was great.

Melissa Leo, The Fighter

    She was great at portraying the classic overbearing parent, that can’t get her life together.

Amy Adams, The Fighter

She sold the idea of the hard edge woman from Boston. I even felt like I was in Boston. (What did I just say? Truth is I’ve never been to Boston. I just assume it looks like what I’ve seen on T.V.)

Natalie Portman, Black Swan

    I’m going to take everyone’s word for it, and assume she was great. I do not plan on watching this film. In case you forgot why, pleas reread the first paragraph.

“Please Stop Making this!” Movies of the Year

For Colored Girls

    I like Tyler Perry’s “Black men a terrible” movies just as much as the next black guy, but I think this is enough.

Jackass 3D

    It was funny at first. Now the desperation to stay relevant is saddening.

Little Fockers and Shrek 4    

    I’m knocking both of these out with one shot. Please stop. If not for me, do it for the kids.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

I really want to like this movie, but there was nothing ne. I think it’s reached its limit, unless somehow they could set up a fight between Jason and Freddie. That would be something worth seeing.

 

I not sure who win what, but if I were you I would bet on my predictions. The good about being me is, I’m not you, and I don’t trust me.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

http://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
1 Comment

Posted by on February 26, 2011 in Pop-Culture

 

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