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The Second Round of the 2010 NBA Playoffs, I Have to Put Some Teams to Rest

01 May

Let’s put some teams to rest

Please queue up the funeral music; it’s time to put some NBA seasons to death. First up is the Oklahoma City Thunder. Oklahoma you’re just not ready soon you will be, but you still have to shake the ghost of Shawn Kemp. It could be worse. You could be in Seattle, drawing 1000 people to your home games.

The Denver Nuggets, what the hell happened? I thought you’ll were supposed to be good. I thought you had a chance. I picked you guys to win and you made me look bad. You made me look like some blogger that doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Then again I should have looked closer. I would have seen that you don’t play defense, and couldn’t score inside against Utah. I forgot you weren’t disciplined and lacked the mental toughness to beat Utah. I should have also seen the tattoos. You have way too many tattoos on that team. In my opinion you have too many tattoos to win. Has anyone figured out why Kenyon Martin has lips on his neck? I’m tired of treating it like a guy at work with a peg leg. I want an explanation. Until then, Denver enjoy the altitude and the summer off.

Dallas, oh Dallas, we do this every year so let’s not drag it out. The bottom line is you can’t win a championship with Dirk Nowitzki being your leader. Let Dirk opt out and don’t resign him. Get into the lottery and draft a guy that could lead you team one day.

Charlotte Bobcats you’re up next. Truthfully I don’t know how you’ll made the playoffs. I don’t know who to blame. So let’s blame people that use to play in Charlotte. I blame Larry Johnson and Muggsy Bogues. What an odd way to be known for basketball in a city. Oh yeah and lets blame Larry Brown, because we all know he doesn’t want to coach there. Also, please change you Bobcats name it sounds soft.

The Chicago Bulls. It was fun while it lasted, but you have to go. Make sure Derek Rose gets a back brace, because he has to be sore from carrying this team all season. Joakim Noah wanted to know what was so great about Cleveland…I’ll tell you, “The second round” Now go home, and don’t forget your hair ties in the locker room.

The Miami Heat, how embarrassing was that? There’s no need to say what was wrong with your team, because we say the games. I wish Dwayne Wade would stop acting like he’s some great winner. You haven’t been out of the first round since 2006. Since then Shaq has played for 2 more teams, the Saints won a Super bowl, Frank TV has been canceled, and you’re still getting older. Leave Miami and go contend for a championship, and get your title as a winner back. At least go visit another team, and if you decide to resign with Miami after that? Ask Derik Rose to borrow his back brace.

Second Round Break Down

The Boston Celtics v. The Cleveland Cavaliers. Boston is in serious trouble in this series. They have a definite advantage at point guard. There is no doubt that Rondo is a better all around player when compared to
Mo Williams. I could argue that Rondo is the best player on the Celtics team. After that however they have no advantages. Kevin Garnett is injured, Ray Allen won’t be able to create a shot, Paul Pierce will have great offensive games, but defensively he won’t be able to handle LeBron. Then you have a limited Kendrick Perkins, and Big Baby who will probably start crying some time during the second quarter of game 2. I do think Boston could have a chance to make it a competitive series. The problem is you need Rasheed Wallace e to be effective, and let’s face it, he’ll be as about as effective as a spit ball in a gun fight. I wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled an Isaiah Rider and shows up during player introductions. I’m willing to bet $20 on the idea that he believes he still plays in Portland. Cleveland has the upper hand. They have the best player in basketball, energy with Varejao, and this year’s matchup nightmare, Antawn Jamison. They also have a better bench for what it’s worth, and home court advantage. I think I should start warming up the funeral music for Boston. I pick the Cavs in 5.

The San Antonio Spurs v. The Phoenix Suns. Oh baby, this is going to be an interesting series. I don’t know how good the Spurs are. They did control their last series, but they know the Mavericks inside and out. I know Duncan has lost a step and Ginobili has a broken nose, so we’ll have to see how that affects them. Phoenix on the other hand has clear flaws. What about “defense” does Phoenix not understand? I love Steve Nash, but he can’t stay in front of a quick point guard. If you’re not going to play defense as a team, stop trying to fool us every year. Just sign Kwame Brown, and stop getting Charles Barkley’s hopes up. I will take the Spurs in 6.

The L.A. Lakers v. The Utah Jazz. This series is the hardest to predict in regard to the number of games. I don’t see a sweep, but I can see either team winning in 6 or 7. If you look at the matchups Derrick Fisher and for that matter anyone the Lakers play at point guard will get abused by Darren Williams. However, that’s the only advantage Utah has. So you might ask, “Why don’t you outright pick the Lakers?”Well, because they are the Lakers. L.A. doesn’t always execute, and I know Utah will execute and play disciplined. The problem is the Lakers extremely more talented. I compare this series to a Porsche and 15 Chrysler 300s. I love the precision of a Porsche, but under normal circumstances the 15 Chryslers win. At the same time under normal circumstances the 15 Chryslers may have terrible transmissions. With that being said, I will take the Lakers in 7.

The Orlando Magic v. The Atlanta Hawks/Milwaukee Bucks. Now because Atlanta has no leadership they have to play a game 7 against Milwaukee. I wish I had the power to give Milwaukee the win, because Atlanta hasn’t earned it. I did pick the Hawks to take out the Magic, but still I can’t stand watching the way they played during the first round. With that being said, if the Hawks win I will stick with my prediction of them beating Orlando, because that would make me look smart. I will always bet against Orlando in that series because of Vince Carter. Now if Milwaukee does take out Atlanta? The Orlando Magic will live to lose in the next series. So I will take Atlanta in 6 or Orlando in 4.

 

Enjoy the playoffs, and make everyone read this blog.

Rate it high. Help a brother blow up.

 

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

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