Taser, Tiger, and a Triple Double: Sports week Review

11 May

Let’s begin…

Alright so let’s review a little of what happened in sports this weekend.

Why don’t we start with the quitter this weekend? Tiger Woods, I never thought I would say Tiger Woods was a quitter, but he is. Tiger, you’re my man, but come on. Two weeks in a row you have quit on the golf course. This weekend you said you quit because of neck pain. Really Tiger, you’re neck is bothering you? Tell the truth Tiger…it’s the hoes. They use to help you concentrate, and now that Ginger is gone you’ve lost your edge. It was obvious that it was the hoes when I watch your swing. Two years ago during the U.S. Open I say you hit one of the best shots you’re ever hit, and I noticed during your backswing you mouth the sentence “Pimpin ain’t easy.” You lost the risk in you. By the way if you’re going to quit, don’t blame it on your neck. Blame it on the Alcohol. Just say, “Hey I was doing shots at the Green Iguana last night, and the Bacardi is distorting my depth perception.” And just think all of this could have been avoided if you had 2 cell phones.

So, by now you’ve probably heard and maybe even saw the kid that got tased during the baseball game. Look he ran on the field like an idiot was laughed at like an idiot, and he got tased like an idiot. And I’m glad they did it, not because he could have hurt someone, but because I wanted to laugh. I made that the background photo on my computer. I haven’t seen something that funny, since that kid got tased on the University of Florida campus. “Don’t tase me bro.” is the best line ever uttered.

I think I will speak for everyone when I say I have save d the best for last. Cavs v. Celtics Game 4, Rajon Rondo had a great triple double. To grab 18 rebounds are commendable, but to do that from the point guard position is special. He put it down, and made it official that the Boston Celtics are his team. I know Pierce, Allen, and Garnett think differently, but just look at the box score in this series. If you need more evidence look at KG’s knees, Allen’s one dimensional game, and while LeBron blows past Pierce, notice how much bigger that patch of grey hair is getting in Rasheed’s head. I’m not going to bang Sheed, because he showed up, this weekend, but I will bang his head patch.

Other things this week include the overblown perfect game, Steve Nash ousting the Spurs with his eye hanging out, and I think I saw a hockey score. Why are they playing hockey. I thought we gave hockey to Canada in exchange for healthcare.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)


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