If you don’t know James “Lights Out” Toney will be fighting tonight in UFC 118. I have no idea what he’s thinking. He could get demolished in the octagon tonight. First off he’s 42 years old. “Hey man, you should not be fighting if you’re 42.” If I’m 42 and someone wants to fight me, I try to negotiate some type deal. Hopefully he’s 42 as well. Then maybe we can go out for a Miller High Life, and exchange stories about the good old days. As if his age is not a big enough deterrent, James has never fought in the UFC. That’s right! He’s about to fight a professional, in an arena, that he has never participated in before. How does that make sense? Even Pacman Jones thinks that is a bad decision. Now I will give Toney some credit because he was a good boxer. So he has a fighting background. However, he’s not boxing Randy Couture tonight. As soon as the fight goes to the ground, “Lights Out” will realize you can’t wrestle a guy carrying a gut big enough to make the Octomom jealous.
I really don’t see how James Toney won’t be demolished tonight. Of course he is fighting Rand Couture, a fighter that’s past his prime and 47 years old. That actually gives him a chance. So, maybe the question should be what makes old people want to fight? I like the fact that they are fighting, because you have no idea what will happen. They could both have simultaneous strokes within the first 30 seconds. They call the fight a draw, while small misshapen men clean up the bodies. The camera pans to Dana White and Joe Rogan laughing their heads off. The audience is happy, everyone that bought the fight is happy, and I’m happy because I predicted it right here. Personally, I think this is the best case scenario for James Toney. “Lights Out”
Comedian (Maybe a writer)