2010 NFL First Half Synopsis

08 Nov

Ray Lewis Introduces Himself To Mark Sanchez Photo courtesy of


Let’s begin…

    We are now virtually half way through the NFL season, so let me way in.

  • I like to wait till I can get a gauge on the season before i give an opinion. I don’t want to look like an idiot, picking Dallas to go to the super bowl just to feel like an idiot as the wet the bed for the first 17 weeks. By the way, could someone tell NBC to stop with the “Dallas Cowboys are Americas team.” They haven’t contended for the championship since the 90’s. If Dallas is America’s team, Ronald Regan is president.
  • Randy Moss is playing for his third team in just one year. Moss’ career is interesting. You would never think that a hall of Fame player would be reduced to a 3rd round pick, and the waiver wire. Randy Moss is the personification of a fine girl in high school that never developed social skills. Now that she’s 34 and her breasts are starting to drag. She’s reduced to reminiscing about how things use to be.
  • Is it possible to move the Buffalo Bills to Canada? Having them around is not good. That team is so bad, that their bringing the property value down in L.A.
  • Michael Vick is back, and he is a better quarterback than he was with the Falcons. Why you ask. I blame it on the braids. If you’re a man and your hair is twisted in any fashion the chances of you making a bad decision increase by 35%.
  • Ndamukong Suh is a BEAST.


The beginning of this football season reminds me of a strip club that tries to keep men out of the back room. Only reason creeps go to the strip club is for the backroom. Sure there are some people there that just want to eat lunch while they listen to a girl talking about how much money she needs for college, but if your business was made popular because of the back room, good luck trying to regulate it. If you’re wondering, the backroom in the strip club is equivalent to big hits in the NFL.

The NFL is banning “devastating hits” to prolong the careers of their labor force. I think I will take this sentence to say that is ridiculous. Outlawing devastating hits it will on delay the inevitable. Your product is based on 250 pound men hitting targets while running full speed. Oh and by the way, those targets are also running full speed. Football is a barbaric sport by nature. If you allow Ray Lewis to hit you every Sunday for 16 weeks, eventually your appendix will explode. You and I know that football isn’t safe, but more importantly the players know. So, if a man decides that’s how they want to make their living. I’m not going to stop it. I’m going to enjoy it on my couch every weekend, while I chant, “Spaniard, Spaniard”.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 8, 2010 in Football


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