I have been watching Jersey Shore since the exception of the program on MTV. Originally the Jersey Shore was highlighted on an episode of MTV’s show True Life I’m A Jersey Shore Girl, in 2004. In 2009 MTV casted it as its own reality show, and formed what is now known as Jersey Shore (by the way what took them so long, and why am I so proud to know this information). It didn’t take long to figure out the show was a keeper, and it took even less time to figure out that Ronnie had the potential to be the greatest reality star of all time. He has everything it takes: mood swings, chemical imbalance, binge drinking, and infidelity. In the business we call that, the total package. Now I want more.
Can someone please sign Ronnie to a book deal? I want to know this guy’s secrets. I have never seen someone repeatedly cheat on his girlfriend, somehow justify it, and convince the woman to apologize to him. This kind of talent is once in a lifetime. He is a franchise player in the making, and soon to be a Hall of Famer. As a matter of fact if Infidelity had a hall of Fame, Ronnie would be the guy shaking inductees’ hands, welcoming them in.
Now if we could somehow get Ronnie a book deal. He could sell some of his best moves to the general public. It would be a real life version of, “Breakin’ all the Rules” (terrible movie, but watch it so you can laugh at this joke). Now I’m not interested in practicing Ronnie moves. Ya boy has his own game, and it works great. Plus there’s a good chance Ronnie’s secrets involve some weird amount of steroids and street pills. So, I think I’ll pass. However, I would like to read the book. That book would be essay style porn. A car accident you have to see. A grease fire (add more ridiculous analogies in your head).
So, let’s start a campaign. Maybe I should create a Facebook Page? Hold on, already did that. Support the cause here, “Ronnie Needs A Book”. Now spread the word.
Ps. I can’t believe I wrote this post. Sad thing is, I fist pumped throughout the whole thing, while wearing an affliction tee shirt. “Douche”
-Kortney Shane Williams
Comedian and Writer