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The National Title Belongs To The SEC Again; Kortney Shane’s College Football Season Review


Cam Newton Is A Champion, But For How Long?

Let’s begin…

Last night was a very interesting game. I knew it would start slow, because the stage was something these schools haven’t experienced. I didn’t think it would be so sloppy throughout the game. The biggest play on of the game occurred on a bad tackle. Where the runner, didn’t realize…he wasn’t tackled (what?). The execution on the field was terrible, and the coaching didn’t help.

I’m not going to blame everything on the coaching. What I will say is Gene Chizik is a bad coach and Chip Kelly is good to okay (Good in the Pac-10, and okay against everyone else). I thought Chizik’s approach hampered his offense. His play calling allowed Oregon to stay in the game. Auburn should have won that game by at least 14 points.

As for Chip Kelly, I tend to give him a bit of a pass. He’s coaching the players he has the best they can be coached. He has a small offensive line, and a defense that can kind of sort of create pressure. So, it makes sense that Kelly would try to play the edges of the field. At the same time if you’re a big time program, act like your big time. Play to win. Don’t run trick plays, and try to back door your way to a championship. GO WIN.

Now that the SEC has effectively dominated the entire college landscape, let’s stop arguing about what conference is the best. That’s like arguing about whether Amy Winehouse has a substance abuse problem. I know she has a problem, because I watched her do bumps on YouTube (See it here). And we know the SEC is the best conference, because they keep winning.

    This college football season was decent. While I enjoyed the games, there weren’t any great teams this year (It also didn’t help that Florida and Texas both had down seasons). That’s fine with me, because this year wasn’t about what happened on the field. This season will be remembered for rule violations and the hypocrisy of the NCAA. After seeing the way college football was expose for being the business that it is. I don’t know how anyone could deny that under this current format, college players should be compensated. I’m not talking about a suitcase full of case, or a scholarship (you know that scholarship they give to players, that’s supposed to convince everyone they’re actually students). I’m talking about a plan to funnel some of the money back to the individuals that are doing the work.

As long as this system stays the way it is. I will not condone or condemn any athlete with their hand out. So, I’m not slamming Cam Newton, A.J. Green, or the “Tat Five” at Ohio State. Instead I’m hoping that the playing field is made level for everyone. Now let’s count down the days until Auburn has the give back the National Title.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: BCS Bowl Games 2010


Let’s begin…

First read the headline…now read it again. That means I will not be breaking down 6-5 teams playing in the Top Ramen bowl (I’d rather talk about high school volleyball). So this is my apology to fans of irrelevant teams, playing in irrelevant games.

Here are my picks for compelling non BCS bowl games

Boise State beats Utah

Now let’s move on.

Fiesta Bowl

Connecticut Huskies vs. Oklahoma Sooners

The Huskies are going to get their doors blown off. I’m not going to waste my time explaining why. My only question in regard to this game is…why does the Big East have an automatic bid. I don’t know why they can’t allow the 4th automatic bid to go to the highest ranked BCS team, who’s Conference is not already represented in a BCS bowl games (So this year TCU would have got the automatic bid, and that would have made way for Boise State to play in a BCS bowl).

Oklahoma win, 40 – 10

Orange Bowl

Virginia Tech Hokies vs. Stanford Cardinals

I’m telling you don’t buy the hype. That should be the title for this game and all the BCS bowl games for that matter. Everybody has been talking about how great Stanford and Andrew Luck are, it makes you believe they’re actually a good team. I hate to break the news (I’m lying right there. I love breaking news, especially when it makes me look good) but Stanford isn’t that good. Now before you tell me about how John Harbough is an NFL coach and Andrew Luck is the best quarterback since Nute Rockney. Allow me to ask you a question…who have they beat (Don’t worry I will give you time to think. I know it takes a while to mentally sift through all those Pac-10 juggernauts. By the way the Pac-10 is the most overrated conference in the country).

While you’re still thinking let me address Virginia Tech. As we all know the Hokies got off to a rough start. After losing to Boise State to open the season, they lost to James Madison (I know some of you’ll are confused. You thought James Madison was only a president. Well he also plays football in Division 1-AA. Now go back to figuring out who Stanford beat). What no one talks about is how Virginia Tech hasn’t lost since then. The Hokies ran away with the Coastal Conference of the ACC, and cap their run by winning the ACC Championship.

I respect Stanford as a football team, but I haven’t seen enough to say they have been truly tested. Virginia Tech will beat (hey you guys still thinking I’m making my pick) Stanford, because overall they have better players. Stanford won’t be able to keep up with their speed.

Hokies win 30 – 24

Sugar Bowl

Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Arkansas Razorbacks

In recent history the Ohio State Buckeyes have struggled against the SEC in bowl games. The Bucks have had trouble trying to stop the spread offense. Now they did beat Oregon last year (who runs a spread offense), but maybe it was in admiration.

The Arkansas Razorbacks are a good team that has proved themselves in the SEC. They have an NFL quarterback and a serviceable coach. However they’re not that good. Now I give them credit for over achieving, but Ohio State isn’t going to give them any. “So congratulations Arkansas now brace for a beating.” They have no business playing in this game. You may say, “Ohio State struggles with the SEC.” I agree that they have struggled, but this team is barely a top 5 SEC team.

Ohio State should beat Arkansas in dominating fashion.

Buckeyes win, 30 – 20

Rose Bowl

TCU Horned Frogs vs. Wisconsin Badgers

This is the best game out of all of the bowl games. I’m expecting a heavy weight championship fight. You have the bruising running game of Wisconsin in one corner, and TCU’s defense in the other corner.

I hear people trying to downgrade TCU because of their competition, and I agree. I don’t think they are the 3rd best team in the country. However, that doesn’t matter. I judge teams based on what I see. I saw TCU play, and they have the best defense in the Country. I think it will make for an interesting game, because Wisconsin has the best running game in the country. The Horn Frogs offense is also underrated. Their senior quarterback Andy Dalton can flat out play. I think their passing game could pose serious problems for the Badgers.

I had the misfortune of experiencing Wisconsin when they beat Ohio State (And man did they beat them. I haven’t seen someone dominate the spotlight like that since Beyoncé was in Destiny’s Child). Wisconsin is a good football, and they’ll be ready to play. Some of their wins are a bit overrated, but they won the games. The problem with Wisconsin is their biggest strength is their biggest flaw. The Badgers run the ball, run the ball, and run the ball. That’s a good way to win in the Big Ten, but when you play warm weather games on a neutral field. You have to be able to throw the ball.

I think TCU will stop Wisconsin’s running game and narrowly win this game.

Horned Frogs win, 22 – 20

The BCS National Championship

Oregon Ducks vs. Auburn Tigers

Auburn is better than Oregon. However, the best team doesn’t always win. So allow me to make a case for Oregon.

The Ducks have the most efficient offense in college football (by efficient I mean they score fast…I wanted to define that is case you didn’t have a dictionary handy, or hadn’t left your house since 1910). Their spread offense is not like the other ones being run in college football. Usually a spread offense is based on a finesse style of play where the object is to get the ball to your athletes in space. Oregon’s offense can not only spread you out, but with LaMicheal James they have the ability to be a power running team. This makes the opposition vulnerable to play action passing one every play. Consequently your defense is never comfortable and always off balance. Defensively the ducks are extremely limited. They play great with a lead, but in tight games their flaws are evident.

The Auburn Tigers are the best team in the country. With Cam Newton they have the ability to control your entire team. Newton single handedly got Auburn to the national championship (which is what you’re supposed to do when you’re getting paid).I would like t be able to point to all the qualities Auburn has, but I can’t find them. I don’t know how they beat LSU, Arkansas, and Alabama. I picked against Auburn in every big game. I’m not going to look like an idiot again. The Tigers are beast. Cam Newton will earn his pay check.

Tigers win, 35 – 21

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”


Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

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Posted by on December 10, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 14


The SEC Championship Is This Saturday. Is Cam Newton Ready?

Let’s begin…

    There’s a lot to talk about.

There’s only one appropriate place to start…Boise State. What happened? As soon as I got on the Boise State bandwagon, the wheels fell off. Maybe the kicker shanked the wheels off? I’m not going to ask how he missed a game winning kick, because I saw his form. By him missing that kick Boise not only missed a chance at a title game, but they also missed out on about $9 million dollars (that’s the money you get for a BCS game appearance, and if you’re wondering the players don’t get any of it. I know that was stressing you out. That’s why I’m here). With that kind of financial hit, I wonder how Boise State is going to afford to paint their field blue.

I completely whiffed on the Auburn vs. Alabama game. I don’t know if Alabama knows, but there is a second half. I’m still waiting for the team that played in the first half to come out of the locker room. I think I speak for Auburn University when I say, “Cam Newton was money well spent.” If you’re going to risk you integrity on someone, risk it on a player that can get you to the title game. I think Auburn should thank Pete Carroll for the blueprint. I suggest they send him a Christmas card.

I want someone to explain to me why TCU went to the Big East. The automatic bid into a BCS bowl game is attractive, but the Big East is terrible. I hate to break the news, but TCU is not any closer to a championship game. As a matter of fact I think it’s easier for them to win a championship now. If I were TCU I would stay in the Mountain West, play maybe two good teams a year, and let everyone else be pissed off because I stole a bowl bid.

My game of the week is the South Carolina Gamecocks vs. the Auburn Tigers

Breakdown

There’s no need to breakdown this game. They played in week 4 so we already know how they match up. I would like to pick South Carolina to win the game. However, it doesn’t seem that smart.

When they played earlier this year South Carolina was beating Auburn by 14 before the Tigers made a comeback and eventually won the game. So does that mean Auburn will win? They do have the best player in college football, and they’re undefeated. At the same time their coaching stinks, and they’ve been winning by comeback victories. Eventually luck will run out…will it run out Saturday?

These teams are even. I have a rule of thumb when college teams are even (rule of thumb? What was that?). Go with the best coach. I’m going with Steve Spurrier.

Gamecocks win, 27 – 23

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 13


There Will Be Some Long Faces In Tuscaloosa This Weekend.

Let’s begin…

    It’s time for Rivalry week in college football. So, this week will not be deprived of great matchups. You have Ohio State and Michigan, the greatest rivalry in sports. The problem with this game is Michigan will be playing. I don’t know if you’ve seen their defense lately, but they couldn’t stop water with an off switch. Oklahoma and Oklahoma State also play this weekend. I think the Sooners will win this game and bring the Cowboys back to earth. My game of the week is Auburn vs. Alabama.

Breakdown

    The Auburn Tigers will be going to Tuscaloosa this weekend to take on the Alabama Crimson Tide. Now I thought that this game would have title implications for both teams, but with Alabama having two losses, it’s clear that they have no chance to make the title game. I even think the will struggle to get into a BCS Bowl game. With that being said, the only thing better than going to the national title, is keeping your rival from winning the national title. That’s what Alabama has a chance to do this weekend.

Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers, better be ready to go to battle this weekend. I think this is going to be their toughest game this season. The Auburn Tigers have the personnel to dominate Alabama. They have the best offensive weapon in college football (Cam Newton), and…that’s it. Okay let’s be honest Auburn is going to have to put forth a man size effort to even stay in the game this weekend.

If this game were being played on a neutral field I would pick Auburn. Even though Alabama and Auburn are instate rivals, I don’t think Alabama would rise to the occasion. The problem for Auburn is, the game is in Tuscaloosa, and the coach on the other sideline is Nick Saban. In order for Auburn to win Cam Newton will have to have an incredible game. I don’t think he’ll be able to do it. Auburn will be dominated on Saturday in every aspect of the game. With a loss, Auburn will prevent 2 potential college football catastrophes. First it will prevent the need for Auburn to vacate a national championship. Second it will stop Boise State from complaining every offseason. They will finally get their title shot, and a chance to prove everyone wrong. I hope everyone can stomach a Boise State vs. Oregon in the national championship. The Alabama Crimson Tide will win.

Roll Tide, 14 – 31

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 25, 2010 in Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 12


The Big 12 Takes Center Stage This Weekend

Let’s begin…

    Another week of college football is in the books. The end of the season is approaching quickly, and there’s not much time left for Boise State and/or TCU to get an opportunity to play for the National tile.

    I watched games this weekend that weren’t even close. Ohio State handled Penn State easily, Boise State Blew out Idaho, Wisconsin should be jailed for what they did, and even Notre Dame shellacked Utah. When you have Notre Dame winning game, you have to take your blood pressure. I checked mine, and I’m cool, so I guess that really did happen.

    The Auburn vs. Georgia game almost collapsed the hopes of the Tigers title chances. During the first half I thought the starts had a lined, the moon was blue, and Georgia was actually going to win a big game. Then the second half started. Auburn woke up, wiped the crust out of their eyes, and started dominating. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cam Newton stole a laptop during halftime to get his juices flowing. The Auburn Tigers survived a scare last week, but will they be able to stay unbeaten?

My game of the week is, the Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. the Texas A&M Aggies

Breakdown

    Now that you know my game of the week I will allow you to catch your breathe. Let me explain why I picked this game. I picked this because there was nothing better. I get tired of talking about the usual suspects, so I went off the grid. I’m channeling my inner Boise State. I do think this game will be exciting. On the surface it looks like Nebraska is a mismatch for A&M. Nebraska is team that will be going to the Big 12 title game. They have Taylor Martinez, and one of the best defensive coaches in college. However, don’t overlook the Aggies. Since they made a change to Ryan Tannehill at quarterback, they’ve won 4 straight games which included a win against Oklahoma. And with a win Texas A&M keep their title hopes alive. I’ve gone back and forth on this pick. Right now I’m picking the Texas A&M Aggies to pull off an upset. If you ask me in five minutes I would pick Nebraska.

Texas A&M wins, 24 – 31

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 19, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 11


This Weekend Is Headlined By An SEC Showdown In The Swamp

Let’s begin…

    After what happened in college football last week, I have no idea who the best team is. I thought it was Alabama, until they lost for the second time. I don’t think Auburn is the best team. They may not even be top 5. I’m not in love with Oregon even though they can beat any team in the country on any field. TCU is a very interesting team. I knew there defense was the best in the country, but after last week I want them to have an automatic bid in the National Championship. Boise State…what can I say. You guys continue to get pushed out, because teams look better than you. I don’t know what to say except, enjoy the Fiesta Bowl. Then you have to look at LSU, Ohio State, Wisconsin, Stanford, Arkansas, and even Iowa and South Carolina. Of course I would like playoffs, but it’s not going to happen. So, allow me to entertain you with my tier rankings (Tier 1. Any Where Anytime – Self-explanatory, Tier 2. Any Given Sunday – They can beat anyone, but things have to go right, Tier 3. Ahhh…I don’t know – They may be competitive, but there a chance they could get blown out).

Any Where Anytime

  1. TCU
  2. Alabama
  3. Oregon

Any Given Sunday

  1. Ohio State
  2. Boise State
  3. LSU
  4. Stanford

Ahhh…I don’t know

  1. Iowa
  2. Arkansas
  3. Wisconsin
  4. South Carolina

     

There are a few great college football games on the slate this weekend. My game of the week is the South Carolina Gamecocks v. The Florida Gators

Breakdown

I’m picking this game not only because these are both good SEC teams, but this is Steve Spurrier v. Urban Meyer. It’s old Gator vs. new Gator. Usually you can pencil in a win for the Florida Gators whenever South Carolina comes to “The Swamp”. However, the Gators are struggling this year to establish an identity. Meanwhile South Carolina is having their best season since the Carter administration. For the first time since coaching at Florida, it looks like Steve Spurrier likes players on his team. This is a very tough game to call. I think the talent is equal between both teams. Neither one of these teams are great, which makes it hard to pick a winner. I think the Florida Gators will win the game, because of home field advantage

Gators win 24 – 28

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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