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The National Title Belongs To The SEC Again; Kortney Shane’s College Football Season Review


Cam Newton Is A Champion, But For How Long?

Let’s begin…

Last night was a very interesting game. I knew it would start slow, because the stage was something these schools haven’t experienced. I didn’t think it would be so sloppy throughout the game. The biggest play on of the game occurred on a bad tackle. Where the runner, didn’t realize…he wasn’t tackled (what?). The execution on the field was terrible, and the coaching didn’t help.

I’m not going to blame everything on the coaching. What I will say is Gene Chizik is a bad coach and Chip Kelly is good to okay (Good in the Pac-10, and okay against everyone else). I thought Chizik’s approach hampered his offense. His play calling allowed Oregon to stay in the game. Auburn should have won that game by at least 14 points.

As for Chip Kelly, I tend to give him a bit of a pass. He’s coaching the players he has the best they can be coached. He has a small offensive line, and a defense that can kind of sort of create pressure. So, it makes sense that Kelly would try to play the edges of the field. At the same time if you’re a big time program, act like your big time. Play to win. Don’t run trick plays, and try to back door your way to a championship. GO WIN.

Now that the SEC has effectively dominated the entire college landscape, let’s stop arguing about what conference is the best. That’s like arguing about whether Amy Winehouse has a substance abuse problem. I know she has a problem, because I watched her do bumps on YouTube (See it here). And we know the SEC is the best conference, because they keep winning.

    This college football season was decent. While I enjoyed the games, there weren’t any great teams this year (It also didn’t help that Florida and Texas both had down seasons). That’s fine with me, because this year wasn’t about what happened on the field. This season will be remembered for rule violations and the hypocrisy of the NCAA. After seeing the way college football was expose for being the business that it is. I don’t know how anyone could deny that under this current format, college players should be compensated. I’m not talking about a suitcase full of case, or a scholarship (you know that scholarship they give to players, that’s supposed to convince everyone they’re actually students). I’m talking about a plan to funnel some of the money back to the individuals that are doing the work.

As long as this system stays the way it is. I will not condone or condemn any athlete with their hand out. So, I’m not slamming Cam Newton, A.J. Green, or the “Tat Five” at Ohio State. Instead I’m hoping that the playing field is made level for everyone. Now let’s count down the days until Auburn has the give back the National Title.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”


Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on December 10, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 14


The SEC Championship Is This Saturday. Is Cam Newton Ready?

Let’s begin…

    There’s a lot to talk about.

There’s only one appropriate place to start…Boise State. What happened? As soon as I got on the Boise State bandwagon, the wheels fell off. Maybe the kicker shanked the wheels off? I’m not going to ask how he missed a game winning kick, because I saw his form. By him missing that kick Boise not only missed a chance at a title game, but they also missed out on about $9 million dollars (that’s the money you get for a BCS game appearance, and if you’re wondering the players don’t get any of it. I know that was stressing you out. That’s why I’m here). With that kind of financial hit, I wonder how Boise State is going to afford to paint their field blue.

I completely whiffed on the Auburn vs. Alabama game. I don’t know if Alabama knows, but there is a second half. I’m still waiting for the team that played in the first half to come out of the locker room. I think I speak for Auburn University when I say, “Cam Newton was money well spent.” If you’re going to risk you integrity on someone, risk it on a player that can get you to the title game. I think Auburn should thank Pete Carroll for the blueprint. I suggest they send him a Christmas card.

I want someone to explain to me why TCU went to the Big East. The automatic bid into a BCS bowl game is attractive, but the Big East is terrible. I hate to break the news, but TCU is not any closer to a championship game. As a matter of fact I think it’s easier for them to win a championship now. If I were TCU I would stay in the Mountain West, play maybe two good teams a year, and let everyone else be pissed off because I stole a bowl bid.

My game of the week is the South Carolina Gamecocks vs. the Auburn Tigers

Breakdown

There’s no need to breakdown this game. They played in week 4 so we already know how they match up. I would like to pick South Carolina to win the game. However, it doesn’t seem that smart.

When they played earlier this year South Carolina was beating Auburn by 14 before the Tigers made a comeback and eventually won the game. So does that mean Auburn will win? They do have the best player in college football, and they’re undefeated. At the same time their coaching stinks, and they’ve been winning by comeback victories. Eventually luck will run out…will it run out Saturday?

These teams are even. I have a rule of thumb when college teams are even (rule of thumb? What was that?). Go with the best coach. I’m going with Steve Spurrier.

Gamecocks win, 27 – 23

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 13


There Will Be Some Long Faces In Tuscaloosa This Weekend.

Let’s begin…

    It’s time for Rivalry week in college football. So, this week will not be deprived of great matchups. You have Ohio State and Michigan, the greatest rivalry in sports. The problem with this game is Michigan will be playing. I don’t know if you’ve seen their defense lately, but they couldn’t stop water with an off switch. Oklahoma and Oklahoma State also play this weekend. I think the Sooners will win this game and bring the Cowboys back to earth. My game of the week is Auburn vs. Alabama.

Breakdown

    The Auburn Tigers will be going to Tuscaloosa this weekend to take on the Alabama Crimson Tide. Now I thought that this game would have title implications for both teams, but with Alabama having two losses, it’s clear that they have no chance to make the title game. I even think the will struggle to get into a BCS Bowl game. With that being said, the only thing better than going to the national title, is keeping your rival from winning the national title. That’s what Alabama has a chance to do this weekend.

Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers, better be ready to go to battle this weekend. I think this is going to be their toughest game this season. The Auburn Tigers have the personnel to dominate Alabama. They have the best offensive weapon in college football (Cam Newton), and…that’s it. Okay let’s be honest Auburn is going to have to put forth a man size effort to even stay in the game this weekend.

If this game were being played on a neutral field I would pick Auburn. Even though Alabama and Auburn are instate rivals, I don’t think Alabama would rise to the occasion. The problem for Auburn is, the game is in Tuscaloosa, and the coach on the other sideline is Nick Saban. In order for Auburn to win Cam Newton will have to have an incredible game. I don’t think he’ll be able to do it. Auburn will be dominated on Saturday in every aspect of the game. With a loss, Auburn will prevent 2 potential college football catastrophes. First it will prevent the need for Auburn to vacate a national championship. Second it will stop Boise State from complaining every offseason. They will finally get their title shot, and a chance to prove everyone wrong. I hope everyone can stomach a Boise State vs. Oregon in the national championship. The Alabama Crimson Tide will win.

Roll Tide, 14 – 31

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 25, 2010 in Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 12


The Big 12 Takes Center Stage This Weekend

Let’s begin…

    Another week of college football is in the books. The end of the season is approaching quickly, and there’s not much time left for Boise State and/or TCU to get an opportunity to play for the National tile.

    I watched games this weekend that weren’t even close. Ohio State handled Penn State easily, Boise State Blew out Idaho, Wisconsin should be jailed for what they did, and even Notre Dame shellacked Utah. When you have Notre Dame winning game, you have to take your blood pressure. I checked mine, and I’m cool, so I guess that really did happen.

    The Auburn vs. Georgia game almost collapsed the hopes of the Tigers title chances. During the first half I thought the starts had a lined, the moon was blue, and Georgia was actually going to win a big game. Then the second half started. Auburn woke up, wiped the crust out of their eyes, and started dominating. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cam Newton stole a laptop during halftime to get his juices flowing. The Auburn Tigers survived a scare last week, but will they be able to stay unbeaten?

My game of the week is, the Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. the Texas A&M Aggies

Breakdown

    Now that you know my game of the week I will allow you to catch your breathe. Let me explain why I picked this game. I picked this because there was nothing better. I get tired of talking about the usual suspects, so I went off the grid. I’m channeling my inner Boise State. I do think this game will be exciting. On the surface it looks like Nebraska is a mismatch for A&M. Nebraska is team that will be going to the Big 12 title game. They have Taylor Martinez, and one of the best defensive coaches in college. However, don’t overlook the Aggies. Since they made a change to Ryan Tannehill at quarterback, they’ve won 4 straight games which included a win against Oklahoma. And with a win Texas A&M keep their title hopes alive. I’ve gone back and forth on this pick. Right now I’m picking the Texas A&M Aggies to pull off an upset. If you ask me in five minutes I would pick Nebraska.

Texas A&M wins, 24 – 31

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 19, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 10


Why Isn't This Game On National T.V.?

Let’s begin…

    There is plenty to talk about this week in college football. The BCS picture is taking shape, Cam Newton gets closer to Heisman, and Oregon has staked their claim as the Alpha Dog of the Pac-10. I’m going start with Boise State, because they’re crawled up in the fetal position, asking why everyone is picking on them. I have changed my stance on the Boise State issue. In previous weeks, I thought they were being jumped in the polls because of their competition. However, they’ve been jumped in the BCS poll this week by TCU. Armed with that information, I’ve come to the conclusion that Boise State is preserved as being not good. I DO NOT AGREE. Let me refresh everyone’s memory. There’s one team that beat both TCU and Oregon last year. That’s Boise State. If you think a miracle happened in the offseason, and somehow there now better than Boise State. You are wrong. For a team to be good, you must win all the games you’re expected to win and some of the games you’re not supposed to win. Neither Oregon nor TCU has done that…The Boise State Broncos do it every year. Everyone is falling in love with Oregon and their offense, but that defense is putrid at best. Sooner or later that offense will stall and a team will hang 40 on them. If you think Oregon is unbeatable, I have some 2010 Rose Bowl tapes I want you to check out.

I heard a question on ESPN Radio this week. They asked if you had to pick a college football program, would you want to be Miami, Notre Dame, or Michigan. If you forced me to pick I would take Miami because of their location, but I don’t want any of those teams. The fan bases of those teams don’t understand that their identity has changed in college football. They now need to change their approach in order to be successful. Notre Dame has to run an offense that will work for the personal they can recruit (which they are), Michigan has to commit to an identity (by the way Wolverines fans, how would you like to have Lloyd Carr?), and Miami, “If you want to be big time, act like you’re big time. Upgrade that dump of a facility, and quit trying to sell that 1980’s we’re “The U” facade. This may be a news flash, but Jimmy Johnson ain’t coming through that door.”

Cameron Newton is a great college football player, and he could end up being a very good NFL player. I am thoroughly impressed with his play, and I think he has the inside track on winning the Heisman Trophy (now allow me to dismiss the rest of his season). Auburn is not going to the National Championship. In 2 weeks they will lose to Alabama by double digits.

The game of the week is TCU v. Utah

Breakdown

    I really like this game. You match two undefeated teams against each other that get no national respect. However, whichever team wins this game will at least be the 3rd ranked team in the Nation. I actually think the BCS polls will have them ranked at number 2. TCU has a defense that will be up to the challenge of stopping Jordan Wynn and the Utah Utes. Along with their defense TCU has a senior quarterback in Andy Dalton that can get the job done. Utah has home field advantage (which is probably the only advantage they have). TCU has never beat Utah in Salt Lake City. With that being said, I have TCU winning this game. They’re just better than Utah this year. I can’t wait to watch the game. Too bad I won’t be able to watch the game. This game is not on national TV, despite both of these teams being undefeated and ranked in the top 5 (please see the first three sentence of this paragraph if you need to know why this is). However, that’s not going to stop me from predicting a score.

    TCU wins, 35 – 21

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 8


The Last Two Undefeated SEC Teams Will Battle This Weekend

Let’s begin…

    The AP Ranked #1 team went down this weekend. The Ohio State Buckeyes were beaten by The Wisconsin Badgers (feel free to substitute “dominated” for the word beaten). That was the kind of game where one team took the upper hand early and held on for the win. I don’t think The Badgers are a better team, but they were last Saturday.

    After this weekend I don’t know who the best in anything is. I don’t know the best team or the best quarterback. Then I looked at Boise State. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Boise State has the best quarterback in college football, in Kellen Moore. I don’t think they have the best team, but I think they will play in the National Championship. Eventually I think the best team will rise to the top. So, just sit back, try not to get work up about the BCS, and watch the games.

    My game of the week is LSU v. Auburn

Breakdown

    The LSU Tigers v. The Auburn Tigers will be a match between the only unbeaten teams left in the SEC. Let me start with LSU, the most underrated, undefeated team in college football. Everyone wants to fire Les Miles because of his coaching, and sometimes I think he’s actually trying to lose games. However, the guy just keeps on winning. This year LSU has Patrick Peterson, the most exciting player in college football this year. If you have heard about him, YouTube him now, I’ll wait… On the other side of the field is the Auburn Tigers. At quarterback they have what many people think is the leader in the Heisman Trophy race, in Cameron Newton. Newton was nothing short of spectacular in Auburn’s win over Arkansas last week. Cam Newton accounted for 4 touchdowns last week, in what was the highest scoring game in the history of the SEC. Although Newton ran for 3 touchdowns and 188 yards, I do think he will hold up physically because of his size (Unlike Denard Robinson who was injured again this weekend. I think I had that right). So, make no mistake about it. Cam Newtown is the real deal. I think that Auburn is good enough to stay unbeaten at home, but if this game is close LSU will win. As much as I want to straddle the fence, I will predict a close game.

LSU wins 26 – 24

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

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