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TheKortneyShanePillar Is Going Away. It Was Just Time


Let’s begin…

The Kortney Pillar is moving. Where you ask, to my own website which will be officially launching next week (you can see it now here). That’s right you’re boy is taking ownership of his own content.

Now nothing is going to change. You’re going to get the same content: A comedic approach to Sports and Pop-Culture.

I will no longer writing my blog on my wordpress site. I won’t be shutting it down, but it will no longer be updated. Now if you want to continue getting my content just go to, www.kortneyshanewilliams.com/thekortneyshanepillar Go there now.

You can also get the RSS feed here: http://kortneyshanewilliams.com/thekortneyshanepillar/?feed=rss

Thanks for supporting my content. Spread the word. I will see you’ll there.

The Drink Is Always Purple

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.kortneyshanewilliams.com

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

www.kortneyshanewilliams.com/thekortneyshanepillar

 
 

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“I Apologize”…Dwyane Wade and Kobe Bryant Have Everything In Common


Kobe and D-Wade Look On..."I'm a Dope That Was Lame"

Let’s begin…

As much as I love being right you have to admit when you’re wrong. And I was/am/maybe wrong about Dwyane Wade (still can’t admit it).

Now I’ve always thought the hype that surrounded Dwyane was premature and unwarranted. Granted he was the MVP of the 2006 NBA Finals (what a shot to my argument), but what did he do in the playoffs without Shaquille O’Neal or LeBron James (I will give you time to think)…nothing.

One of the untold stories about Wade’s career is without Shaq and now LeBron James, he’s only been out of the first round of the playoffs one time. This has been one of my main sticking points with Wade (sticking point?? Who do I think I am?). If you’re going to be viewed as the one of the top 3 players in the league, you have to get out of the first round. However, I’ve never looked at the other side of that equation, which would go something like this, “When he does have help he gets the job done.” Now I would admit that perhaps I overlooked this.

Winning is an ability. I’m not sure if it’s a skill, but it is an ability. While it may be easy to dismiss this notion, there is something to be said for winning. Winning is why players become Hall of Famers (please see Robert Horry. By the way I’m looking for a Horry jersey. Somebody hook ya boy up). Winning is one of things we hang over players careers as a means to diminish their accolades (please see Charles Barkley). One of the best examples of winning amplifying a players career is Kobe Bryant (excuse me I have to vomit).

Let’s think about Kobe’s career for a minute with the championships aside. He’s been the MVP, the scoring champion a couple times, and a perennial all-star. Now look at Wade. He’s never been an MVP, but he’s a perennial all-star and has also won a scoring champion. So what’s the difference between Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade…nothing (that’s right I said it)? If Kobe Bryant had played with the same teams that Dwyane Wade has played with. The results would be the same. That’s a fact. Without Hall of Fame Players around him, Kobe Bryant made it out of the first round of the playoffs one time (eerily similar to D-Wade). So, if we’re going to hail Bryant as winner guy, the same should be done for Wade.

So I was wrong about Dwyane Wade. He is a great player, and a future Hall of Famer. My only question is can he win without Shaq…Kobe did it.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on May 6, 2011 in Basketball

 

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2011 NBA Season Lottery Teams Rankings, MVP, and Best Team


The Heat, Lakers, and Thunder Are All Powerhouse Teams

Let’s begin…

NBA Lottery Teams, Power Rankings

The rankings are based on a combination of quality of players, expectations, and how awful the team was. I’m ranking best outcome to worse outcome.

“This is it. Don’t get scared now.”

  1. L.A. Clippers: This was clearly the best lottery team this season. They toyed with the idea of making the playoffs while being just bad enough to make it into the lottery. Couldn’t have done it better myself.
  2. Houston Rockets: This is the arguably the best team in the lottery. They obviously have some holes to fill in the front court, but they have one of the best front offices in the NBA. They will be fine. Look for them to make the playoffs next year.
  3. Milwaukee Bucks: This is a playoff team that caught some bad breaks. Look for them to get back on track next season. “Fear the Dear”
  4. Phoenix Suns: This franchise is in denial. They should have started rebuilding 3 years ago after the Shaq experience. They have to get what they can for Steve Nash and cut bait with Vince Carter as soon as possible. Do it for the kids.
  5. Golden State Warriors: I don’t even know what to call this. I think it’s a basketball team, but I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish. I’m not sure they are even trying to win games, but I love this organization, because hands down they have the best fantasy players.
  6. Utah Jazz: After losing their two best players what could you reasonably expect. If you’re a Jazz fan just pray Jimmer Fredette is off the board before the Jazz make their pick.
  7. Minnesota Timberwolves: For the talent this team had they should have won a few more games. At the same time this is Minnesota. I’m not sure they know they still have a basketball team.
  8. Sacramento Kings: Welcome to the best high school team of all time. If John Calipari were a GM this is the team he would put together. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Kings end up having to vacate wins.
  9. Charlotte Bobcats: You changed coaches, traded away your best players, and Michael Jordan is your de facto GM. Other than that things are great.
  10. Washington Wizards: Your team stinks, but at least you have John Wall.
  11. Cleveland Cavaliers: “Damn” Nuff said
  12. Toronto Raptors: I know why this debacle happened, but did you have to wallow in the debacle?
  13. Detroit Pistons: I wanted to put Toronto last, but then I remembered that no one playing for the Pistons likes to organization. So I will jump off the ship with them.

My All NBA Team

C Dwight Howard

PF LaMarcus Aldridge

SF LeBron James

SG Dwyane Wade

PG Derrick Rose

I almost put Kevin Durant at shooting guard because he should be on this list.

2011 MVP

This belongs to Dwight Howard. I don’t want to hear about how Derrick Rose is so great. Look, dude isn’t even top five in the NBA (FYI top five: LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Dirk Nowitzki). Don’t get me wrong he’s a good player, but he is replaceable. On the other hand no one changes the game on both ends of the floor the way Dwight Howard does. He is the most dominate force in the NBA, and the MVP.

Best Team in the NBA

The Los Angeles Lakers are the best team. It may be seen as a copout, but they’re the best. The bottom line is they would be the favorite against every other team in the NBA. They have the best closer in Kobe Bryant, and the best coach in Phil Jackson. The Lakers should win the championship.

Season Synopsis

This has been the best regular season in recent history. I think it can spark another golden age in basketball, and I want to thank LeBron James (you’ll have to excuse me for a moment I just threw up in my mouth). James and the Miami Heat changed the way originations put their teams together. Now thanks to them we have powerhouse teams in big markets (the downside is terrible teams like Toronto ad Cleveland…just threw up in my mouth again).

There are 6 teams that have a legitimate shot at winning a championship. I can’t remember the last time that was the case. Wide open playoffs should make for some excitement.

“It’s Go Time!”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2011 in Basketball

 

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The Great Manny Ramirez, Juiced His Way Out Of the Hall of Fame?


Manny Is Still Great?

Let’s begin…

I don’t know if you’ve heard but Many Ramirez has decided to retire from baseball. When I heard the news I thought, “Manny is done, and he just doesn’t want to play anymore. Maybe he realizes that his skills have diminished to the point that he can no longer be elite.” Then a report was issued by ESPN.com that stated that Ramirez had been busted for performance enhancing drugs…again…for the second time, consecutively. I couldn’t believe that someone could be so careless. You know you’re going to get tested, and you’ve already been busted. So, you decide to do it again…what? Come on Manny.

If I could talk to Manny (who am I supposed to be, “If I could talk to Manny” I’m a Douche) I would want to know why? Is it because you were jealous of other players? Were you influenced by other great baseball players, or did you need it to become a great player?

Usually I believe that great players are not made hall of famers because of performance enhancing drugs. I mean these are great athletes, the best of the best. In addition to that no one can become a hall of famer on drugs? Then again maybe they can. I would argue that Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire, were all made potential hall of Famers because of steroids. All you have to do is look at their numbers, and you can see the spike in their respective performances. However that’s not the case with Ramirez. His numbers never jumped or dipped erratically. This makes it tough to decipher when he started using steroids. Furthermore it allows me to believe that there’s a possibility he used them for his entire career.

I don’t eliminate anyone from the hall of fame for steroid use. The only reason I eliminate people is because you’re a scrub or you’re just not good enough (please see Jose Canseco, because he’s a good example of both scenarios). That’s why Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, and Roger Clemens are in my Hall of Fame. They are just great players. I considered Manny Ramirez to be in this category as well.

When it originally came out that Manny had taken steroids I wasn’t surprised. It had become so rampant in the baseball community that assumed everyone was taking them. So, I decided that I would judge players based on their career pre and post steroid era. This is where I have a problem with Ramirez being in the hall of fame. Manny has been busted during the steroid era, and post steroid era. So, I am led to believe that he took steroids throughout his entire career. Consequently this makes all of his numbers tainted.

As a Cleveland Indian fan, I would like to look over the transgressions of Manny Ramirez, but I can’t. He cheated the game. I can’t let him in the Hall of Fame. With that being said, Manny Ramirez will always hold a special place in my sports pantheon. I will remember him has an entertainer and great hitter, with once in a generation talent. I’m not going to remember the dreadlocks or the lost years in L.A. I’m going to remember the Manny Ramirez that led the Boston Red Sox to the World Series Championship. I will remember the guy that I first identified with a Cleveland Indians uniform. The Dominican kid with talent and a jerry curl, poking out of the bottom of his hat.

Oh yeah! That’s Manny being Manny.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 8, 2011 in Baseball

 

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MLB Opening Day, “Yawn”…Fantasy Baseball Opening Day, “Go Time”


Let’s begin…

Today is MLB opening day. So it’s only right that I welcome you to the most overhyped day in sports. People try to convince you every year of how great opening day baseball is, when in all actually it’s not that significant. Only thing more overrated is the Reagan administration. All the baseball purist, use nostalgia and romanticism to sell you on 1 of 162 games. All you here is, “Oh it a sign that summer is here. All I have to do is smell the grass and see the pitcher’s mound. It brings a tear to my eye. Opening day is as American as Apple Pie.” Yeah, the only thing is I actually like apple pie (with a scoop of ice-cream of course).

Now I want to make something clear. I like baseball. I love going to games, and watching on T.V. I just think the number of games in a season, make opening day insignificant. I would argue that the last 20 games of the regular season are far more compelling than opening day.

Strangely enough with all my problems in regard to opening day, I can’t wait for fantasy baseball to start. Everyone I selected in my auction draft has been waiting for this moment. We’ve made it through spring training injury free, and my players are foaming at the mouth, relishing the opportunity of taking the field. This is when my leadership as a manager is tested. Last year we finished second place, and I take full responsibility for our shortcomings. I should have dealt Ubaldo Jiménez when I had the chance. As a veteran owner I should have known better, and I have promised my team that I won’t make that mistake again. With a pitching rotation of C.C. Sabathia, Josh Johnson, and David Price, I don’t expect to have any pitching problems this year. Now in my hitting lineup I went young with Jason Heyward, Mike Stanton, and Justin Upton as my core. This will give me a good nucleus to build around this entire season. “Ya boy feels good”. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait for opening day (Bart Scott Style).

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

http://twitter.com/#!/KortneyShane/status/53519071660089344

 
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Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Baseball

 

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Barry Bonds and Greg Anderson, Best Friends For Life?


Let’s begin…

    The Barry Bonds perjury trial began this week. This is the trial to find out rather or not Bonds knowingly he took steroids. This is also known as, a complete waste of time. Barry knows he took steroids. I don’t even see how he could argue that he didn’t know. Come on Barry. You’re head doubled in size the minute you started taking the supposed flax seed oil, and if that didn’t get your attention. The acne and 73 homeruns should have tipped you off. I hate calling someone a liar without the facts (brace yourself, I’m about to call someone a liar), but I don’t see how Bonds couldn’t know.

    Now we can disagree on whether Barry knew he was taking steroids (I’m not sure why we would disagree). However, one thing that is a fact is that Greg Anderson (who was Bonds trainer) is the “Best Friend of All-Time.” This dude has middle school girls jealous of his loyalty. When they write B.F.F. on their Trapper Keeper (Are they still making those?), this is the person they hope to be.

    If you don’t know, Greg Anderson is a childhood friend of Barry Bonds. They played baseball together at a young age. While Bonds became one of the greatest players ever, Anderson had little to no success. After giving up his career as a baseball player, Anderson began working out at World Gym which just so happened to be a few blocks away from BALCO. How convenient is that? To have a steroid like crack house within walking distance from you’re gym. It’s hard to find those kinds of amenities now a day. Shoot, I’m happy to have a laundry mat 2 blocks from my house (FYI when looking for a place to live you need two things close by, 7-Eleven and a laundry mat). Now we can connect the dots from here. Anderson dabbles with steroids, later becomes Barry Bonds’ trainer, Bonds is pissed because scrubs like Mark McGwire are setting homerun records, and he ends up taking steroids himself as well. Now 762 homeruns later and about a yearlong regiment of Clearasil to clear up his acne, Bonds is on trial for lying to the grand jury for knowingly taking steroids. It would be easy to convict Bonds if the government could get Greg Anderson to testify. The problem is they can’t get him to testify.

    Greg Anderson will not testify against Barry Bonds. Since 2006 Anderson has been sentence to jail time 3 times for contempt of court, because he won’t testify in the Barry Bonds’ perjury trail. This makes no sense, because if he told the truth he wouldn’t have to worry about jail. I thought you were supposed to lie to stay out of jail. I’m confused. At the same time, maybe this is what good friends do. If that is true, I am the dirt bag of friendship. Compared to Anderson, my friendship is about as loyal as LeBron James in July. I’m not going to jail for a friend. I wouldn’t go to jail 3 times for my momma. As a matter of fact if she asks me to do something like that, I wouldn’t talk to her for a year. So, I salute Greg Anderson and his loyalty. He’s a better man than I am.

    Then again could Greg Anderson be the smartest guy in the room? Maybe Anderson is operating by the idea of keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer. Bonds could know something about him that could ruin his life.

Then again could it be possible that as childhood friends Greg and Barry made a pack?

“We’re never going to snitch on each other. We’re blood brothers and friends for life. Pass me the crayon and construction paper, so we can document our love…yeah. We’ll always be friends. As a matter of fact lets buy one of those overhype gold plated necklaces with the hearts separated in jagged fashion, that way no matter what happens we will remember each other. I got your back dog no matter what happens. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I got your back, dog. If anything happened to me while I jumped out a window…and my hair caught on fire, I got your back, dog. If 15 years from now we get caught up in a Federal investigation we’re not going to say anything, because we have each other’s back dog. Picky swear…yeah! Now grab that syringe and the clear stuff.”

    

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2011 in Baseball

 

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Jersey Shore: “Ronnie The G.O.A.T.


 

Ronnie Needs A Book Deal

Let’s begin…

    I have been watching Jersey Shore since the exception of the program on MTV. Originally the Jersey Shore was highlighted on an episode of MTV’s show True Life I’m A Jersey Shore Girl, in 2004. In 2009 MTV casted it as its own reality show, and formed what is now known as Jersey Shore (by the way what took them so long, and why am I so proud to know this information). It didn’t take long to figure out the show was a keeper, and it took even less time to figure out that Ronnie had the potential to be the greatest reality star of all time. He has everything it takes: mood swings, chemical imbalance, binge drinking, and infidelity. In the business we call that, the total package. Now I want more.

    Can someone please sign Ronnie to a book deal? I want to know this guy’s secrets. I have never seen someone repeatedly cheat on his girlfriend, somehow justify it, and convince the woman to apologize to him. This kind of talent is once in a lifetime. He is a franchise player in the making, and soon to be a Hall of Famer. As a matter of fact if Infidelity had a hall of Fame, Ronnie would be the guy shaking inductees’ hands, welcoming them in.

    Now if we could somehow get Ronnie a book deal. He could sell some of his best moves to the general public. It would be a real life version of, “Breakin’ all the Rules” (terrible movie, but watch it so you can laugh at this joke). Now I’m not interested in practicing Ronnie moves. Ya boy has his own game, and it works great. Plus there’s a good chance Ronnie’s secrets involve some weird amount of steroids and street pills. So, I think I’ll pass. However, I would like to read the book. That book would be essay style porn. A car accident you have to see. A grease fire (add more ridiculous analogies in your head).

    So, let’s start a campaign. Maybe I should create a Facebook Page? Hold on, already did that. Support the cause here, “Ronnie Needs A Book”. Now spread the word.

Ps. I can’t believe I wrote this post. Sad thing is, I fist pumped throughout the whole thing, while wearing an affliction tee shirt. “Douche”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2011 in Pop-Culture

 

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