Tag Archives: Houston Texans

Emergency Post: “Make Way For Bill Cowher!”

Let’s begin…

Can we please stop with the Bill Cowher mania! He’s a good coach. I repeat, a good coach. He’s not exceptional by any stretch of the imagination. So I can’t figure why everybody is treating him like Vince Lombardi. Cowher is not going to turn around anybody’s franchise. He can get you over the hump if your team is ready to win, but what is that saying. If that’s what you’re looking for save 20 million dollars and higher Barry Switzer (In my opinion Switzer is a better coach than Cowher. That’s right I said it. Now give me time to put the cap back on this banana cognac).

Bill Cowher is going to get a head coaching job (probably in Miami) and he’s going to be over paid (just like 20 other NFL coaches). This doesn’t make him a bad hire (it would be a good hire for certain teams), it just makes him another NFL coach. So let’s stop treating him like the Dali Lama. This is an above average NFL coach trying to get a job. Treat him like Brian Billick, John Gruden, Jason Garrett, Leslie Frazier, and Urban Meyer (That’s right I said it).

Now let me get back to doing something important.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on December 23, 2010 in Football, NFL


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NFL Season Preview: AFC Part. 2


The AFC Battle Will Be Highlighted By The East


Let’s begin…

    The AFC is the varsity (in case you couldn’t figure that out) with many good teams and some great ones. So, let’s break it down.


    The breakout team in the AFC (“drop the beat, I said drop not drum roll”) will be the Oakland Raiders. As soon as the Raiders got rid of Jamarcus Russell, I started paying attention. They brought in Jason Campbell, who is an above average NFL Quarterback. You couple that with the fact that they have the best defensive back in the NFL, and they play in a terrible division. How could they not win? Now I’m not picking the Raiders because they’re a good team. I picked the Raiders because Jamarcus Russell was just that lazy. People underestimate how much Russell brought down that franchise. I know he could throw 70 yards on one knee, and he was built like an ox. However, football isn’t played on one knee, and it’s never good when your quarterback is pushing 3 bills. Note to NFL GMs, never draft a quarterback that could out eat Kobayashi.


    The New York Jest, are completely overrated. I know it may shock people, but I don’t think they’re even a super bowl contender. I was once told, “Whenever everyone is going one way, go the other.” In this case look at the coach and quarterback, and bet your money else where.

These are the facts on the Jets. They have a second year quarterback with knee problems, and a coach that would be a niche through comic if not for Lenny Bruce. I don’t know what’s taking everyone so long to realize he’s a one dimensional head coach. I give him 3 more years, because that’s how long Charlie Weis lasted (a fellow one dimensional lame duck coach. Also see Lane Kiffin, Larry Coker, every Notre Dame coach for the last 10 years, and Mike Brown). The Jets are an 8-8 football team, with or without Darrelle Revis.

AFC Season MVPs

    The defensive MVP will be Mario Williams. He plays defensive end for the Houston Texans, and is probably most known for being the first pick of the 2006 draft. He’s had good defensive years for the last few years, and I think he’ll have a great year this year.     I have no confidence in this pick. Feel free to shred this.

The offensive MVP will be Peyton Manning. Peyton is the greatest regular season football player of all time. If you could be a hall of famer based on the regular season? He would be on the first ballot. Oh yeah that’s right, you can be a hall of famer based on regular season stats. So, he will be in the hall of fame, but truthfully he caught some luck in the playoffs one year and won a championship. I know what you’re thinking, “So what’s the difference between Peyton Manning and A-Rod?”…yeah, I don’t know either.

The Worst and the Best

    The worst team will be the Buffalo Bills. I’m not going to waste my time talking about them anymore.

    The Best team will be the New England Patriots. They have their 2 best players (Randy Moss and Tom Brady) in M. Jordan sophomore mode (having the nee to prove everyone wrong). They have a great coach, and an over-hyped division. However, the Cincinnati Bengals will go to the Super Bowl. They can run the ball and stop the run. They also have a great coach, a pro-bowl quarterback, and they will be able to comfortably win their injury stricken division.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on August 20, 2010 in Football, Sports


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