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The Cleveland Cavaliers Send Miami’s Talents Back To South Beach


Cavalier fans say, "Get Out!"

Let’s begin…

The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Miami Heat last night.

Now I know it’s just one win for a team that is terrible. A team in the Cavaliers that have no chance at the playoff this year, and probably even next year. With that being said, do you think that’s going to stop me from overeating? This post is for Cleveland fans that have been slowly slitting their wrist for the last 3 months. If you’re not a Cavs fan you may want to sit this post out, but thank you for clicking it, because I still get the credit for the hit. I am a Cleveland fan, and ya boy is about to represent.

    The Cavs played nasty last night. They fouled hard and didn’t back down when challenged by Miami (thank you Ryan Hollins for not backing down the Dwyane Wade. You are now my twitter avatar, “You’re Welcome!”). They gave them what I like to call, the Zaza to Garnett treatment. I loved every second of it. The only thing that could have made last night better was post-game tears.

Now I think the Cavaliers should build on this, and become a tough team. The Cavalier organization should make a conscious effort to change their image. They can shed the frontrunner image, and embrace toughness as their mantra. Cleveland like other Midwest cities is tough. It’s full of blue collar, grind it out people. So, why not put a team out on the floor that represents your city. It just seems practical, even the owner is a tough crazy man. As a matter of fact Dan Gilbert should spark the campaign with a letter on the Cavaliers website, “Anyone down for a little Comic Sans?”

As for the Miami Heat, this game was probably an admiration. They are better than the Cavs. However, it was interesting to see their response in a playoff like atmosphere. They seemed disinterested, and a little caught off guard. If I were a Heat fan I would be concerned, because this is another game where Miami got punched and didn’t respond.

Miami is supposed to be gearing up for the playoffs. They should be firing on all cylinders by now, poised to make a title run. However they have yet to solve the problem that has been hanging over them this entire season. They still aren’t executing in the half court consistently.

Playoff basketball is all about half court execution (Unless you’re playing the Dallas Mavericks in 2007). Teams that rely on the fast break don’t win in the playoffs (Please see Mike D’Antoni’s playoff record). So as the playoffs approach Miami has to get their game on point.

With that being said, the Cavs win! It’s a beautiful day in Cleveland. They have officially broken up with their ex-girlfriend. She may have left for someone better, but they have the car and the house. There is only one way to sum up the way the city of Cleveland feels today, “The world is better now because the Heat is losing.” (Courtesy of Dwyane Wade).

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

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Posted by on March 30, 2011 in Basketball, Uncategorized

 

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Jersey Shore: “Ronnie The G.O.A.T.


 

Ronnie Needs A Book Deal

Let’s begin…

    I have been watching Jersey Shore since the exception of the program on MTV. Originally the Jersey Shore was highlighted on an episode of MTV’s show True Life I’m A Jersey Shore Girl, in 2004. In 2009 MTV casted it as its own reality show, and formed what is now known as Jersey Shore (by the way what took them so long, and why am I so proud to know this information). It didn’t take long to figure out the show was a keeper, and it took even less time to figure out that Ronnie had the potential to be the greatest reality star of all time. He has everything it takes: mood swings, chemical imbalance, binge drinking, and infidelity. In the business we call that, the total package. Now I want more.

    Can someone please sign Ronnie to a book deal? I want to know this guy’s secrets. I have never seen someone repeatedly cheat on his girlfriend, somehow justify it, and convince the woman to apologize to him. This kind of talent is once in a lifetime. He is a franchise player in the making, and soon to be a Hall of Famer. As a matter of fact if Infidelity had a hall of Fame, Ronnie would be the guy shaking inductees’ hands, welcoming them in.

    Now if we could somehow get Ronnie a book deal. He could sell some of his best moves to the general public. It would be a real life version of, “Breakin’ all the Rules” (terrible movie, but watch it so you can laugh at this joke). Now I’m not interested in practicing Ronnie moves. Ya boy has his own game, and it works great. Plus there’s a good chance Ronnie’s secrets involve some weird amount of steroids and street pills. So, I think I’ll pass. However, I would like to read the book. That book would be essay style porn. A car accident you have to see. A grease fire (add more ridiculous analogies in your head).

    So, let’s start a campaign. Maybe I should create a Facebook Page? Hold on, already did that. Support the cause here, “Ronnie Needs A Book”. Now spread the word.

Ps. I can’t believe I wrote this post. Sad thing is, I fist pumped throughout the whole thing, while wearing an affliction tee shirt. “Douche”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2011 in Pop-Culture

 

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How The Jersey Shore Saved The Summer


The Jersey Shore Didn't Disappoint

Let’s begin…

Did Jersey Shore do its job or did Jersey Shore do its job. I love sports which is the reason I struggle to find anything worth watching on TV during the summer, because baseball is the only thing on T.V. There is nothing I want to see less than regular season baseball (actually I would watch baseball over that Frank Caliendo Show. That thing was garbage (pronounced gar-bah-gg)).

So I was leaning on Snookie and the gang (gang?…why’d I say that) to get me through the summer, and they came through. Every episode of season 2 of Jersey Shore was great. They should get the MVP for compelling Television. The show has everything you want: men working too hard to impress women, women that don’t care about image, steroids, breast implants, transvestites, and tee-shirt time. If I was ask to script a more exciting show. I’d ask Pauly D to direct it.

Takeaways

  • Everyone on this show now understands they are actors. It’s no longer a reality show. This is a sitcom. The Situation is as much of a character as Charlie Sheen on Two and A Half Men, and maybe real like.
  • Ronnie and Sammie Sweetheart are a great couple for T.V. They never disappoint to entertain you with everything you don’t want in a spouse. They have a future in entertainment as long as Ronnie takes it easy on the juice.
  • If you’re not The Situation, Ronnie, or Sammie save you money. Your chance in entertainment is about as P. Diddy making a band that works out.

 

This show has possibly one more season before it falls flat. I just hope they air it next summer.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2010 in Pop-Culture

 

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LeBron James And Kevin Garnett Made Their Decision. Dwight Howard Is On Deck.


Dwight Howard Has A Chance To Alter His Future

Let’s begin…

    History always repeats itself, especially in sports. While the NBA’s summer of free agency captivated the sports world, I began to think about free agents of the future. I was immediately drawn to Dwight Howard (partly because I’m a Cleveland fan who was trying to avoid ESPN, and partly because I was planning my fantasy draft). The similarities between Kevin Garnett, LeBron James, and Dwight Howard are stunning. They were all: drafted out of high school, top 5 lottery picks that went to small markets, the focal of a team that became a championship contender, and eventually forced to leave…well not all of them. As of now Howard has yet to leave the franchise that drafted him. However it seems like the writing is on the wall, if he plans on winning a championship.

    If you look closely at the progress of the Orlando Magic, you will see that they are following the same pattern that all small markets do. All small markets have the same pattern. They draft a franchise player and surround him with average roll players, eventually the team tops out as a championship contender, and over the next few years they slowly begin to digress. Somewhere in between that process the team hopes to sign their franchise player to a long-term deal. This is the problem that Dwight Howard is beginning to face. Will he leave Orlando? I don’t know. Some before him have decided to stay (please see Dominique Wilkins, Patrick Ewing, and Reggie Miller).

    I think he should leave. He doesn’t have to take his talents to South Beach, but I don’t see him winning a championship in Orlando. The formula to winning a championship is clear. If you don’t get to play for the Celtics or the Lakers, you have to find a way to play with another Hall of Fame player. If Orlando cannot create that formula within the next three year, it would be wise for Dwight Howard to leave Orlando. I wonder how he would look in a Boston Celtics uniform?

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2010 in Basketball

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview


 

Could This Be a Down Year For the BCS?

Let’s begin…

    This year throughout the college football season, I will be previewing each week of college football, while paying special attention to “My Game of the Week.” This means I will not be focusing on D-3, D-2, D-1AA, Tulsa, Vermont, or any Conference USA football. I will analyze and predict football games each week.

So, that’s what I will be doing. I hope you all enjoy, and as also comment and let me know what you think.

        Now let’s get to the preview.

The Top Ten according to me.

  1. Alabama
  2. Ohio State
  3. Texas
  4. Virginia Tech
  5. Florida
  6. Oklahoma
  7. Boise State
  8. Miami
  9. Iowa
  10. TCU

     

Also receiving votes: LSU, Washington, Stanford, UConn, Wisconsin, Pittsburg, Arkansas, and No one from Conference USA. USC received no votes, but…Reggie Bush is still receiving money. I think that this year will be somewhat of a down year for college football. There will be many teams that will have to opportunity to make it to a B.C.S. Bowl game. Don’t be surprised if both TCU, Boise State, and Washington, make it into the B.C.S. With that being said, I think there are 3 teams that could possibly win the championship.

Conference Previews From East to West

                Big East: I’m going to pick the USF Bulls to finish first. I love their coach, I like their location (Florida schools can ball. I don’t know if you’ve noticed), and that’s the worst B.C.S. Conference.

ACC: Virginia Tech will win the ACC. I do think that Miami has the most talent. However, the talent is too young, and young talent in Miami can be a bad combination. Give them another year, and I think they could make a National Championship run.

SEC: The SEC will be won by Alabama. They’re the best team so why not.

Big Ten: Ohio State is once again the class of the Big Ten, and the will win the Conference title for the 6th straight year. The bigger question is will they lose a Big Ten game and Jeopardize their title chances.

Big 12: Texas will win the Big 12. This is definitely a down year for this conference, so it’s kind of hard to predict. I pick Texas because they generally recruit better talent. Plus I like their quarterback to fill Colt McCoy‘s shoes, better than Oklahoma filling Sam Bradford’s shoes.

Pac-10: This conference is definitely the most wide open. If not for the sanctions that USC will be facing for the next 2 years, I would pick them hands down. However, because of the sanctions Washington, Stanford, Arizona State, and Oregon have a real chance to dominate. With all that being said talent wins in college sports. That’s why I’m picking the USC Trojans to win the Pac-10. They just have a better team than everyone else. There biggest road block will be keeping their players motivated to play, while knowing they won’t be rewarded with post season play.

Everyone Else: Obviously you have to keep an Eye on Boise State. You don’t need me to tell you they have an oppurtnity to make history, by being the first non-B.C.S. school to play in the championship game. TCU is another team that I love. I definitely think they will make it to another BCS bowl game. Notre Dame will continue to be terrible. Notre Dame Apologist will tell you their building a team and they recruit top players. Well if that’s true, why don’t you win? Boise State wins, and they (supposedly) recruit lesser talent. Notre Dame will only win this year if they finally embrace what they are, a team that has limited talent, and must rely on a change of pace game.

Big Winners and Big Losers

    The big winners this season will be

The SEC: They will continue to show their dominance.

The Big Ten: This year they will reestablish themselves as the second best conference in the country.

The Heisman Trophy winner will be Terrelle Pryor

        The Best college player will be Julio Jones

    The Big Losers

        The Michigan Wolverines, if I were Rich Rodriguez I would rent and not buy. “Hey Rich, your rents do.”

        USC will be a loser, because of the post season ban. The amount of money and recruits they will lose could really hurt them in the future.

        The BCS Bowl system will be a loser. After all the bad publicity they’ll get this season, I don’t know how they win…unless everyone watches all the games? MY bad, the BCS is still a winner.

Small conference will be the big loser, because after all the publicity Boise State, TCU, and Utah get this season. They will no longer have a need for you. Those teams will leave for bigger and better conferences, rendering the WAC and MWC even more irrelevant than they already are. Personally I thought that was impossible, but if you have faith, scrubs always come through.

    

So, that’s what will happen this season. Feel free to react with a comment, or just continue to mumble under your breathe.

And by the way, The Ohio State Buckeyes will be National Champions.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on August 26, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kanye West, at the VMAs…I Thought They Didn’t Like Him.


Let’s begin…

    MTV has asked Kanye West to come back to their awards show, after a controversial event. This contradicts the statement they released following his last outburst. Where they said, said he wouldn’t be welcome. Please stop me when this sounds familiar.

    I would say I told you so, but I didn’t get to talk to everyone individually. However, to everyone I did talk to, “I told you so.” Following the Taylor Swift incident, everyone had the same reaction. “I can’t believe he did that.” “He just ruined his career.” “He will never be allowed at an MTV award show.” I didn’t understand this reaction, because this it what Kanye does. Every time he’s on the screen it’s must what T.V. Even though you’re not sure what he will do, you know he will do something. This is great for MTV. It’s like a drug attic getting sponsored by smack. MTV is not in the business of morality, there in the business of ratings. So, if Kanye West drew eyeballs to MTV, why wouldn’t they invite him back? They would actually be dumb if they didn’t. Lets be honest, who over the age of twelve is watching an MTV award show on purpose? There trophy is a man on a moon wrapped in Aluminum foil. Oh and the movie award is a golden cup of popcorn. Even 1980s rappers think that looks tacky.

    So how do you get people that matter to watch your show? Create controversy. Use the model that reality shows use. Go pay a Snookie, a Situation, or Paula Abdul, give them drinks, and watch your ratings. Do you think I watch the bad girls club, because of their aesthetic approach? No, I want to see someone wake up at 4pm, throw back a couple whiskey sours, and figure out who they will fight that day. If I was MTV, I would sit Kanye next to Taylor Swift. I would ask them if they would perform, “Ebony and Ivory.” I would say, “Hey Taylor, you’re just as irrelevant as your career. What do you say we do that whole acceptance speech thing again? He’ll cut you off; you’ll look like an idiot. Then we can put it on the front page of MTV.com, like we did last year. What do you think Taylor? …you don’t want to do it…well call Carrie Underwood and ask her if she’s game.”

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (And a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2010 in Pop-Culture

 

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I like Grease Fires, Train Wrecks, and The Jersey Shore


Let’s begin…

So I found out from a trustworthy source, that the cast members of MTV’s Jersey Shore, will be filming the second season of their hit show in (this is where you drum role) Miami on South Beach.

Now I really don’t care where they film the show. As long as they entertain me I could care less. I liked the show when it was in Jersey, and hopefully I’ll like it in Miami.
We’ll see.

I have a sister that lives in Miami, and she loved the Jersey Shore, but since finding out it will be in Miami, she hates. Why? I call it “The Car Accident Effect” everyone like a car accident as long as their not in the driver’s seat. Now that their picking on what she likes, her city, her neighborhood, she doesn’t like it. Even though they’ll still be doing the same stupid stuff, like trying to nab all the “Gorilla Juiceheads” they can.

I think that if it’s good for the goose it’s good for the gander, under most circumstances. I mean really, Jersey Shore is good for no one. I feel the side effects of watching that show for a week, which is convenient because I’m ready for the next show. I guess that makes it okay. So, rock on Jersey Shore. Keep fist pumping, keep beating that beat up, nab “Gorillas”, and stay on your “GTL” schedule while in Miami. Make me laugh while touring America with your show. Heck! Tour the world and let them see the train wreck too. Don’t deprive the world of a good laugh. Just please let me know where you’ll be, because I need time to pack my stuff if you’re coming to my city. I don’t want to be the driver of The Car Accident.

-Kortney Shane
Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy
www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy
KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com
http://kshanecomedy.blogspot.com

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2010 in Pop-Culture

 

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