Tag Archives: Michael Jordan

“Derrick Rose is this era’s MJ”…Time For A Reality Check.

Is Rose the MVP?

Let’s begin…

Derrick Rose is the next coming of some Zeus like basketball figure. He’s the greatest ever. “Derrick Rose is this mixture between Michael Jordan and Brock Lesnar. I literally don’t know how you stop him!” Well I’d just let him take jump shots because dude can’t shoot.

Alright let’s come down to reality (For all you with you Rose colored shades on. Reality is the place where the grass is green and the best player in basketball has a jump shot). Before I shred Derrick Rose I want to say he is a great player.

Now contrary to popular belief, Derrick Rose is not the best thing since sliced bread. This, “best player in the league stuff” is garbage. He’s barely even top 10 (Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Dirk Nowitzki, Deron Williams, Chris Paul, Dwyane Wade, and Kevin Durant are all ahead of him). Of course if you’ve been listening to sports radio for the last 4 months you wouldn’t know that. The media is treating Rose like he’s actually won something. The other day I heard someone say, “Rose is the most athletic point guard ever.” Take it Easy. Allow me to introduce you to a guy by the name of Allen Iverson. At Iverson’s size and position, there has never been someone more athletic than him. I would even argue that Steve Nash is a more athletic point guard than Derrick Rose (before you kill me for that statement. Take into account that he was a star soccer and rugby player in high school). So, to call Derrick Rose the most athletic point guard ever is just lazy and asinine.

Derrick Rose is not the MVP of the league. It is well known that he’s is going to win the MVP, but so what (that was very unprofessional. Dock me all the journalist points that I’ve never had). We all watched the games, and he wasn’t the best player. You can say that it’s subjective, but there’s not an argument you can make in favor of Rose winning the MVP over LeBron James or Dwight Howard. The truth of the matter is, there are two reasons he’s going to win the MVP, and neither of them have anything to do with him. First every writer hates what LeBron James did this offseason, and they’re dead set on not rewarding him before the season started. The second reason is every writer hates what LeBron James did this offseason, and they were dead set on not rewarding him before the season started. The problem with that is LeBron isn’t the MVP this year either. So while the media allowed James to hold them emotionally hostage. They missed the true MVP this year (drum roll please), Dwight Howard.

Dwight Howard is the essence of what an MVP is. He’s the best defender (note 3 consecutive defensive players of the year) and he is the best player in the league at his position. Howard is the most irreplaceable player in the NBA. If you look at the drop off from Howard to the next best Center. It is a larger gap than Derrick Rose to the next best point guard. Especially since Rose isn’t the best point guard in the league (for the record I would put Rose 2nd this year behind Chris Paul who is top five in steals and assists. Derrick isn’t top five in any stat category). Dwight’s achievements continue to get overlooked, and I’m not sure why. Now granted I see why he didn’t win a MVP in past. Offensively he was limited, and wasn’t even the leader of his win team. You also have to take into account that he lost to LeBron James for the past two years and dude can ball. However, Dwight Howard significantly improved himself offensively while continuing his dominance on the defensive end. He carried a team that lived on 3 point shots and prayer to a top four seed in the playoff. He was top five in rebounds and blocks. He also finished 11th in points. Howard did all this while being saddled with the Orlando Magic (which included Vince Carter for 22 games, which alone is unbelievable).

Now if you still think Derrick Rose is the MVP, read the previous paragraph again.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on April 30, 2011 in Basketball


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NBA Questions…What Are The Miami Heat?

What Are The Heat?

Let’s begin…

    The NBA season is over half way over, and I still have many unanswered questions. Personally I think I have too many unanswered question (did I just write that? I didn’t need to say that twice. I’m a dope).

  • What’s going on with the Miami Heat? It was great watching them lose at the beginning of the season, but now it’s becoming disturbing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t this team supposed to good? I think they were. At least that’s what LeBron told us after the decision when the “Big Hype” stepped through the smoke, like the 87′ Miami Hurricanes. You remember the unveiling when LeBron counted off the Championships, “Not 1, Not 2, Not 3…” Then again maybe he was counting off the number of terrible late game possessions.

    By this time shouldn’t we know what the Miami Heat are? I can’t figure out is their finesse or tough. During close games I don’t even know if their alive. The Heat have time left to address their problems, but it’s getting dangerously close to their carriage turning into a pumpkin. Then again they did sign Mike Bibby, so everything will be alright.


  • Since Carmelo Anthony was traded to the New York Knicks, the Denver Nuggets are 5-1. So, is Anthony really that valuable? Now I’m not going to argue that the Nuggets are better without Carmelo Anthony, but I don’t believe they lost anything. With Carmelo the Nuggets had only advanced in the playoff one year out of seven. Call me optimistic, but I believe the Denver could do that without him.


  • Is it possible to hold off on nominating Danny Ainge as the King of Basketball? Before Kevin Garnett was gift wrapped to the Celtics, like a tennis bracelet from Jared, Ainge was known as an unsuccessful GM that was on the hot seat. Now four years since the trade the Celtics want you to believe that Danny Ainge has Nostradamus like powers. Now if Kendrick Perkins breaks down, and Jeff Green turns into Scottie Pippen, they would be right. However, there is a better chance that the Celtics capitalized on a small window with aging superstars, and they won’t be able to duplicate in the future. This has happened before, and at that time we overreacted the same way. “Danny Ainge, meet Joe Dumars.”


  • Can someone tell me how the San Antonio Spurs keep doing this? Their like a super hero that won’t die. I thought their window was close 3 years ago. There must be something in San Antonio’s water. How else could you explain the fact that their starting center is playing without ACLs. I demand a Federal Grand Jury investigation (Barry Bonds style).

    If the Spurs advance deep into the playoffs, it’s only right that Tony Parker be court mandated to repair his relationship with Eva Longoria. “Come on Tony please do it for the kids!” (Trick love the kids).

  • Is it hypocritical for small market teams like Indiana, Cleveland, and Sacramento to complain about the structure of the NBA? They weren’t complaining when they were the perennial Championship contenders, and Miami, New York, and Boston were at the bottom of the league. This is the way the system works. The only city that should be pissed off is Seattle. Not only did they lose a team that is now a championship contender, but they don’t have a chance of getting another one in the near future. Then again they have the Mariners and Seahawks to help ease the pain.


    This has been the greatest NBA regular season since the late 80s when Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Isiah Thomas were in the league. Many people have said that was the golden age of the NBA. If it was golden then, it’s platinum now.

    The questions surround the NBA has made one most predictable professional sport leagues intriguing. It will only get better with the playoffs starting in a month, and I “Can’t Wait” (Bart Scott style).

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on March 5, 2011 in Basketball


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Emergency Post: LeBron James Talks Contraction “Child Please”

Should James Stop Talking?

Let’s begin…

At what point is, “I’m just a young kid” no longer a valid excuse for making a bad decision? I think it’s at the age of 25 or whenever you start making adult decisions. Whichever comes first.

I’m just a young kid is LeBron James‘ go to move. More than his step back jumper, or a dunk in traffic. He loves to tell you how young and innocent he is.

In the latest edition of I’m just a kid. James made a comment over the weekend where he supports the idea of contraction, and all-stars teaming up in the NBA (personally I agree with the statement, because of the level of incompetence in certain organizations. Can you say, L.A. Clippers)? He stated that it would be a better league, because teams would be more competitive.

This statement is unpopular because people around the league will lose jobs, and the players union is trying to negotiate a deal with the NBA. The players union wants to get their clients the most money possible. In order to receive that money you have to show that the league is profitable and the players deserve a huge chunk. So, if teams are contracted it shows that teams aren’t profitable, and it hinders the players negotiating power. In conclusion LeBron helped the other team, which isn’t the first time. Please see 2010 playoff Boston game 5.

When LeBron was questioned about his comments he said, “I don’t even know what the word contraction means…” Really…you want me to believe you made it to the age of 26 without knowing the definition of contraction. Come on man. Don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining because sooner or later I’m going to taste the salt.

If LeBron just came out and said I’m a douche people would respect him more. And if you don’t know what words mean, STOP TALKING. Take a page out of the Michael Jordan Hand Book For P.R. Dummies and say nothing (Jordan never took a stand on anything. You could ask him if Wheaties truly was the breakfast of champions and he’d plead the fifth). Everyday I’m happier he left Cleveland, and took his talents to South beach…another “I’m just a kid” move.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on December 28, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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This Thursday LeBron James’ Talents Will Be In Cleveland Ohio

This Thursday December 2nd LeBron Will Be In Cleveland, But Will He Bring His Powder?

Let’s begin…

On December 2nd at 8pm TNT will have my undivided attention. LeBron James and his talents will be in Cleveland Ohio at the Quicken Loans Arena.

Now this is great for me. I’m a Cleveland sports fan, and this is one of two times i will be able to see my team on television. I will also get to see the smile on Dan Gilbert‘s face as the city of Cleveland welcomes LeBron. I wouldn’t be surprised if Gilbert flies in Delonte West and seats him behind the Miami’s bench.

Now I’m not delusional. I’m expecting Cleveland to not only lose but be dominated by Miami. I expect LeBron to channel is inner Wilt Chamberlain, and go for 100 points.

I also think the Cleveland Arena to be the ugliest scene in the NBA since the malice in the palace. I think beers and batteries will be thrown. I believe the over under on in game interruptions sits at 3 (and I’m taking the over). I only have one request from Cleveland fans. At some point in the game I want everyone to stand up, grab their elbow, and chant, “Game 5, Game 5, Game 5.”

After this summer I’m not sure how smart LeBron James is. I know LeBron James the publicist, should not only be fired, but he should be pelted with common sense. Many people believe his public image can’t get lower. However, I believe his public image elevator could find a trap door in the basement if he decides to throws chalk up into the air Thursday night.

LeBron James has no perception of reality (If you don’t know that, you’re just not paying attention). Why don’t we take a look at the past? He wore a Yankees cap to an Indians home playoff game, and dismissed it by saying he grew up a Yankees fan. When he was called out for quitting on his team, he used his elbow as an excuse. And he used a $2.5 million dollar donation to the Boys and Girls Club, as a pawn in his narcissistic approach to “The Decision”. The public could accept his excuses as fact, because he was able to hide any malicious intent. However, that will change if on December 2nd, he continues his pregame tradition of tossing chalk into the air (a tradition that belong to Kevin Garnett before him and Michael Jordan before him). That action will not only be a kick in the groin for Cleveland, but it will be an unveiling of the character of someone that was idolized. Someone who would like you to believe he’s a kid that has just made some mistakes.

There are times when you have to deal with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. On December 2nd LeBron James will walk into his ex-boyfriend’s house with his new lover. He should be proud of what he has now, but don’t forget about who use to love you. Respect the fans, take the boos, and for goodness sake don’t throw powder in their faces.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 30, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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“Taking Your Talents to South Beach” Chris Paul Will Make it A Trend

LeBron and Paul Have More Than Frienship in Common

Let’s begin…

So there’s a report out in regard to Chris Paul. According to Chris Broussard, Chris Paul has request a trade from the New Orleans Hornets. Hi preferred destinations are said to be New York, Portland, and Orlando which is said to be a top that list. I think Paul’s request was caused by the decision that the Heat’s small forward made, and it may even reveal why he made the move. He’s said to be “best friends” with Chris Paul (I had to put best friends in parenthesis, because James (used his name) is best friends with everyone. He’s best friends with Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Jay-Z, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet…he’s probably best friends with Mel Brooks (the alcoholic not the comedian). Chris Paul and LeBron (did it again) had conversations about where they would play their respective careers. So, that leads me to believe that they both knew each other was thinking about leaving their respective teams before LeBron (I give up) made his decision. And if you didn’t know that, you’re just not paying attention. So, maybe LeBron made his decision to stay ahead of the curve. Maybe Chris Paul decided to leave now, and exercise his power, after he saw it was possible to pull off. I side with the later. I think players say think about what it would be like to play with another great player, but because of the salary cap they don’t think it will happen. However, this summer that was proved wrong.

    I hope that Chris Paul ends up playing for the Orlando Magic. Now as a Cleveland sports fan I’m a little torn, because I see what James leaving did to a city. At the same time the duty of a true fan is to wish vengeance on a player that doesn’t leave the right way. And what better way to wish vengeance than to hope Chris Paul plays in Orlando. Just imagine LeBron tries to back door his way into a championship, but wait a minute. Chris Paul and Dwight Howard form the Magic 2. Not only are the Magic younger, but the team is better. So you spin this forward 3 years, and Miami hasn’t won a championship. There’s dissension among the Heat, Pat Riley comes back, and Van Gundy is smiling. Imagine the hysteria and the backlash. I can see it right now. LeBron takes an hour out of ESPN, he’s at a Sports Authority in Las Vegas, he donating the money to Hookers, and he says, “This fall I have decided to take my talents to Venice Beach, and play for the L.A. Lakers.”

    This summer things have changed in the NBA. For the last 10 years everyone has been trying to find the next Michael Jordan. “Who’s going to take over?” We’ve been reaching for what the NBA was going to be. “Well now we have arrived at an answer. The NBA is now the league of super powers. Stop looking for the next Michael Jordan, because he won’t be here for another 15 years. Instead embrace the supper teams. For the next 10 years the NBA will be reminiscent to the 70s and 80s. It will become the undisputed number two sport in America, and become must see T.V.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on July 24, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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“King James?” I’ll Just Call Him the Small Forward, That’s Taking His Talents to South Beach

The LeBron James Mural Will Be Fully Removed From Cleveland's Skyline Within the Next Few Days

Let’s begin…

Reaction from the decision

I’m a Cleveland sports fan. I support the Indians, the Browns, and the Cavaliers. So, I was definitely paying attention to the LeBron James (by the way that’s the last time I’ll mention his name. He now gets the Bill Parcells to T.O. treatment. I now call him the small forward) dog and pony show. I’ll spare you on the Cleveland sports venom. You can get that on a message board somewhere. I’m here to give perspective. I find no fault in the small forward leaving Cleveland. It was probably time to go. I left Cleveland twice, and I didn’t have to get paid to do it. So, I don’t consider him a traitor for leaving. However, could he have found a classer way to do it? You talk about a kick in the groin. Even the crowd winced when he said Miami. He knows what the city of Cleveland has gone through when it comes to sports, so why would you add to it? Why would you want to be public enemy number 1? He went from loved, to hated in one sentence. I’ve never seen anything like that before. I don’t know how pissed off you have to be to want to stab a fan base like that. Sure Delonte West had sex with your mother, but the fans weren’t video taping it. Why take it out on them? That was a bad move, and it pretty much guaranteed that you will never be able to come back to Cleveland. Even if you run out of gas passing through Cleveland, you better push your car to Youngstown. So, good luck on your first game back in Cleveland.

What did the small forward give up?

On July 8th 2010 at 9 ET, the small forward gave up the chance of being one of the top 10 players to ever play in the NBA. All of his accomplishments will be diminished, because of the players he played with, and the means by which he got there. Let’s just say that he went to New York or Chicago? Not only would he have been the alpha dog of the team, but he would have been able to beat Wade, Kobe, Dwight Howard, and Carmelo by himself. He would have been seen as the guy that took down the best players in his era. He would have been the ultimate champion of his time. His legacy would have been comparable to the greatest players ever. People may have even argued that he was the greatest player ever. Everyone would have talk bout his combination of size and speed. They would have talk about how he over came adversity, like Jordan and Isaiah did before him. If he wins in Miami, he’s a better version of Robert Horry. No offense to Robert Horry, but there’s no way he could have sniffed icon status. Maybe I’m becoming a grumpy old fan, but I like seeing the best in any Arena go head to head. I want to compare Letterman to Leno, Frazier to Ali, and Magic to Bird. I don’t want to see Bill Gates making a call on iphone. If Ohio State and Michigan decide to merge, I want Woody Hayes to arise from his grave and uppercut the guy that thought it was a good idea.

I still can’t believe that he talked himself into giving up that level of greatness. How did that conversation go? “I could be considered the best player ever. I could play in New York. Maybe I could play in Chicago. I could be the biggest thing to hit that city since Jordan. Naw, I’ve decided to take my talents to South Beach”

Now What?

I think the Miami Heat have to win immediately. That’s the only way you could somewhat justify the decision. If this team doesn’t win multiple championships, it will be a failure. I don’t think they will win a championship in their first year, because they won’t be able to successfully defend in the front.

Depending on how this situation pans out it could change the way free agency is handled in the future. There’s a possibility that we could see more of these super teams in the NBA. If you look at how basketball has changed in the last 15 years. AAU is bigger than ever, no one stays in college, and you access to agents at the age of 13. That’s why the small forward took his talents to South Beach. It’s not about competition in the NBA. It’s about how big you can make your brand, being a celebrity, and not being too hung over on game day.

The summer of 2010 can be summed up in one statement, “In this fall, I’m going to take my talents to South Beach…” That’s the title for the next chapter of the NBA.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and a writer

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Posted by on July 10, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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NBA Free Agency 2010; All About LeBron James Part 2

So this offseason is all about LeBron James. Where will he play? Maybe he’ll play with Dwayne Wade or Chris Bosh. Will he win a championship?

Well here are all the possible scenarios. There are only 3 teams that have a chance of employing LeBron next season, and 1 team with a delusional shot. Those teams are Miami, Chicago, Cleveland, and The Clippers respectively. Now he should find his way to Dallas, but that’s not going to happen. I will say that my thoughts and opinion changes almost daily on what he’ll do, so I’ll layout the 4 possible scenarios. If LeBron wants to win he’ll go to Miami. However, his stay in Miami will be short lived. Any Hall of Famer can win multiple championships with another hall of famer, just look at Bill Russell. The problem is the egos in Miami won’t be able to coexist, just ask Kobe and Shaq. I give that relationship 3 years, 5 max before LeBron leaves town. “They don’t make them like they did in the 60s.”

    If you want to challenge the legend go to Chicago. That’s the only reason to go there. There’s no need to put that kind of pressure on yourself if you don’t think you can surpass that legacy. Playing in Chicago is the ultimate challenge. Maybe LeBron is up to it?

    You go to the L.A. Clippers if winning is secondary to becoming a superstar. Yes the Clippers could win with LeBron, but that’s a slim chance. That franchise is historically bad, and the owner doesn’t want to spend money. I’m talking Carl Lewis singing the national anthem bad. If he does chose L.A. he’ll become a star win or lose. “LeBron if you want to be a billion dollar athlete go to the Clippers, just don’t get talked into making ‘Kazaam 2′”

    If you want the burden of saving a city, stay in Cleveland. Winning in Cleveland gives you the opportunity to be the greatest player ever, the highest paid player ever, and the most beloved athlete by his home town. Only other team that comes close to offering that is the Clippers. The problem there is the Clippers will never be the Lakers. Just like the Nets won’t be the Knicks, Mets won’t be the Yankees, and Soccer won’t be anything. You can’t be a number one when you play for a number 2. Now LeBron can have this kind of power if he wins in Cleveland. At the same time if he stays and loses? It’s Kevin Garnett all over again. Another player that could have been top 10 all time if he wouldn’t have let a max contract and loyalty get in the way. Losing in Cleveland is high devastating. It’s not like losing in Miami. You see when Dwayne Wade loses in the first round every year, a day later he has a smile in his face. If you lose in Cleveland you don’t get a back rub on the beach by a super model, you’re forced watch the Cleveland Indians in your basement while you cry during commercial breaks.

    Today I think LeBron takes the money and Celebrity status challenge. LeBron will wear number 6 and a Bulls logo on his chest.

What teams will be the big winners this offseason?

1st The Miami Heat with two guaranteed franchise players.

2nd Chicago with whatever piece they add.

3rd Cleveland they lose Shaq’s big contract and keep or lose LeBron. I smell cap room.

The only loser is the New York Knicks. “You gave away the last 2 season to pull of a sure fire miracle. Your problem was and still is Isaiah Thomas. New York you should always play to win now.”

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on June 27, 2010 in Basketball


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