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Uncle Toms And The Fab Five


The Fab Five

Let’s begin…

    ESPN has added the Fab Five to their critically acclaimed 30 for 30 series. The documentary about the 1991 -1993 Michigan Wolverines basketball team highlights the journeys of Jalen Rose, Juwan Howard, Jimmy King, Chris Webber, and Ray Jackson. Those players were freshmen in 1991, and would later be better known as the Fab Five. They introduced rap music and baggy shorts to America on one of the biggest stages in sports.

    The documentary was produced by Fab Five member and ESPN basketball analyst Jalen Rose. It didn’t take long for Rose to become the star of the documentary (I don’t blame him. If you give me control of anything I’m taking over. You could make me the co-producer of a cooking show, and within two segments I’m doing my comedy act). He displayed ultimate transparency when taking about his childhood, Michigan, and decisions he made.

    When talking about his teams’ battles against Duke. Rose stated that he hated Duke, and “… felt like they only recruited black players that were Uncle Toms” (can we retire the slur Uncle Tom? I mean as Americans we have a better imagination than that. Let’s hold a poll and select a new term. I would argue that any slur made popular before 1980 should be retired Barry Sanders style). He believed they only recruited black players that came from well to do families. This made him resent Duke University and the black players that played for them. Since the airing of the documentary these comments have sparked a controversy, and even prompted Grant Hill to make a response.

    Now I’m not going to regurgitate the angle that has been stressed all week, or condemn Rose for his comments. It was how he felt at the time. When someone decides to talk about their past, you want to hear the truth. Unless you’re asking your wife how many people she had sex with. You want to lie, and not say 15 (15 is way too many).

    I want to talk about what this comment exposes. First it exposes the resentment that surrounds Duke and the type of players they recruit. To be honest they do recruit a certain kind of black player that has been successful for their university (I wrote about this: Black at Duke, or Maybe Not). I don’t blame them for that. That’s their propagative. In addition since 1990 they’ve led all schools in National Championships, and have consistently put players in the NBA. So, it works for them. However, despite their resume, they’re still seen in the black community as a school that only recruits white players. It’s the same feeling that surrounded the Boston Celtics until the mid-90s.

Rose’s Uncle Tom comment also exposed a dirty little secret well known throughout the black community. It’s a class issues that highlights the idea that well off black people. Somehow become jaded by their reality, and lose their black identity. Now I would argue that this isn’t true. If you are black in America, you know you’re black! At the same time someone could argue that there are indeed black people that disconnect from their identity. I would agree with that statement. However, there are people among all races that disconnect from their identity. Those people are the exception. Let’s not make the exception the rule.

    No one should see black individual as a, “sell out” because they want to further the black community, by educating themselves and promoting the idea of a nuclear family. At the same time people in a single parent home, that aren’t as well off, shouldn’t be look down upon as not worthy. Everyone’s black experience is of equal value to the black community and society as a whole. The real sell outs are individuals that don’t take care of their responsibilities. People that walk out on their kids, rob people, kill people, and/or spend their life in and out of prison. Those are the individuals that should be resented throughout the all of society. My man Chris Rock spoke to this brilliantly during his comedy special Bring The Pain, in a segment better known as, “Niggas vs. Black People.”    

    I hope the issue of class in the black community ceases to become an issue. Instead let’s focus on the true sell outs.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Did The Sweater Vest Fool You?? Yes Jim Tressel Plays The Game Too.


Let’s begin…

    First off, I think Jim Tressel knew that his players broke the rules, and I think he lied hoping that the issue would go away. Once the issue came to light he owned up to what he did, because he had nowhere else to turn. With that being said, is anyone surprised? This is college sports. It’s a system based off the exploitation of individuals that are denied the opportunity to profit off of their skills (If I read that too you and asked you to guess the profession. You would probably say black market prostitution or AAU basketball). Big time college sports are dirty, and when you’re in a dirty industry it’s hard to be clean while being successful. Just ask Randy Shannon of the University of Miami what a clean program gets you (Gets you fired in case you’re wondering).

Ohio State publicly reprimanded Jim Tressel yesterday in a press conference. They suspended him for 2 games and docked him $250,000. Now I think this is hypocritical. Look no further than the players that he covered up for. They got a five game suspension, and Tressel only got two? At the same time isn’t it also hypocritical that Terrell Pryor and the tattoo five got to play? Was it hypocritical that Cam Newton got to play last season? And while we’re at it lets sprinkle a little Reggie Bush scandal in here? The entire scope of college sports is hypocritical. So, can we please stop the farce that is, “College Student Athletes” and start paying the players.

There is too much money involved college sports to call it amateur athletics. Even Don King thinks college sports are immoral. There needs to be a union to represent the players. I propose the idea of giving players the option of a scholarship or cash (I’m talking straight cash homie). The amount of money would be collectively bargained through the union. If players opt for the cash, then they would forfeit the right to all amenities normally supplied by the university including tuition, books, and housing (I’m talking about being an adult homie).

Until changes are made these are the rules. Jim Tressel violated the rules, and should be punished. You can suspend him and his sweater vest for the entire season, but it’s not going to fix the problem. You have to end this idea of amateur athletics, and start compensating players. Now excuse me I have to wire some money to Thad Matta.

 

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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What The Heck Is A Michigan Man?


Bo Schembechler

Let’s begin…

So Rich Rodriguez got fired twice by Michigan this week (his firing originally surfaced Tuesday thought the Detroit Free Press. Michigan denied the reports, and the next day they fired Rich Rod). That was cold blooded. I think he should have gotten fired two and a half. The last half was uncalled for.

Rodriguez never fit at Michigan. In college sports your coach has to be a representation of what your school stands for. From his spread offense to the teary-eyed speech at the team banquet. Rich Rod never said Michigan Football. A school like Michgan is hard to break into as an outsider. There’s too much tradition and too many old people longing for the way things use to be. If you’re going to be different you better produce, and even then you’re never fully accepted, just ask Les Miles (He has a national title and wins 10 games every year, yet everyone at LSU can’t stand him). Some would argue that only a “Michigan Man” can succeed at Michigan.

Alright, this whole Michigan Man thing is a crock. First off Bo Schembechler (he established the term Michigan Man) wasnt even from Michigan. As a matter of fact Shembechuler received a degree from Ohio State which is the opposite of Michigan. That’s like saying, “We need an actor” and you hire a porn star. If you win games no one cares who you are or where you came from.

Part of me wants to say, “Michigan…you’re Michigan! Why are you even looking for coaches? Coaches look for you.” Michigan is the winningest program in the country. This isn’t Notre Dame longing for the past, or the University of Miami who was a flash in the pan. This is Michigan…best job in the country.

The Big Ten is a conference that is struggling to remain elite. They need the University of Michigan in order to be a great conference. It has been widely reported that Michigan would like to hire Jim Harbaugh. A good coach who played at the University of Michigan (He also fulfills their “We Need A Michigan Man Theory”). I hope they get Harbaugh, but if they don’t. Remember the times of Bo Schembechler and hire somebody that will win.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”


Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

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KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 13


There Will Be Some Long Faces In Tuscaloosa This Weekend.

Let’s begin…

    It’s time for Rivalry week in college football. So, this week will not be deprived of great matchups. You have Ohio State and Michigan, the greatest rivalry in sports. The problem with this game is Michigan will be playing. I don’t know if you’ve seen their defense lately, but they couldn’t stop water with an off switch. Oklahoma and Oklahoma State also play this weekend. I think the Sooners will win this game and bring the Cowboys back to earth. My game of the week is Auburn vs. Alabama.

Breakdown

    The Auburn Tigers will be going to Tuscaloosa this weekend to take on the Alabama Crimson Tide. Now I thought that this game would have title implications for both teams, but with Alabama having two losses, it’s clear that they have no chance to make the title game. I even think the will struggle to get into a BCS Bowl game. With that being said, the only thing better than going to the national title, is keeping your rival from winning the national title. That’s what Alabama has a chance to do this weekend.

Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers, better be ready to go to battle this weekend. I think this is going to be their toughest game this season. The Auburn Tigers have the personnel to dominate Alabama. They have the best offensive weapon in college football (Cam Newton), and…that’s it. Okay let’s be honest Auburn is going to have to put forth a man size effort to even stay in the game this weekend.

If this game were being played on a neutral field I would pick Auburn. Even though Alabama and Auburn are instate rivals, I don’t think Alabama would rise to the occasion. The problem for Auburn is, the game is in Tuscaloosa, and the coach on the other sideline is Nick Saban. In order for Auburn to win Cam Newton will have to have an incredible game. I don’t think he’ll be able to do it. Auburn will be dominated on Saturday in every aspect of the game. With a loss, Auburn will prevent 2 potential college football catastrophes. First it will prevent the need for Auburn to vacate a national championship. Second it will stop Boise State from complaining every offseason. They will finally get their title shot, and a chance to prove everyone wrong. I hope everyone can stomach a Boise State vs. Oregon in the national championship. The Alabama Crimson Tide will win.

Roll Tide, 14 – 31

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2010 in Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 12


The Big 12 Takes Center Stage This Weekend

Let’s begin…

    Another week of college football is in the books. The end of the season is approaching quickly, and there’s not much time left for Boise State and/or TCU to get an opportunity to play for the National tile.

    I watched games this weekend that weren’t even close. Ohio State handled Penn State easily, Boise State Blew out Idaho, Wisconsin should be jailed for what they did, and even Notre Dame shellacked Utah. When you have Notre Dame winning game, you have to take your blood pressure. I checked mine, and I’m cool, so I guess that really did happen.

    The Auburn vs. Georgia game almost collapsed the hopes of the Tigers title chances. During the first half I thought the starts had a lined, the moon was blue, and Georgia was actually going to win a big game. Then the second half started. Auburn woke up, wiped the crust out of their eyes, and started dominating. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cam Newton stole a laptop during halftime to get his juices flowing. The Auburn Tigers survived a scare last week, but will they be able to stay unbeaten?

My game of the week is, the Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. the Texas A&M Aggies

Breakdown

    Now that you know my game of the week I will allow you to catch your breathe. Let me explain why I picked this game. I picked this because there was nothing better. I get tired of talking about the usual suspects, so I went off the grid. I’m channeling my inner Boise State. I do think this game will be exciting. On the surface it looks like Nebraska is a mismatch for A&M. Nebraska is team that will be going to the Big 12 title game. They have Taylor Martinez, and one of the best defensive coaches in college. However, don’t overlook the Aggies. Since they made a change to Ryan Tannehill at quarterback, they’ve won 4 straight games which included a win against Oklahoma. And with a win Texas A&M keep their title hopes alive. I’ve gone back and forth on this pick. Right now I’m picking the Texas A&M Aggies to pull off an upset. If you ask me in five minutes I would pick Nebraska.

Texas A&M wins, 24 – 31

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on November 19, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 10


Why Isn't This Game On National T.V.?

Let’s begin…

    There is plenty to talk about this week in college football. The BCS picture is taking shape, Cam Newton gets closer to Heisman, and Oregon has staked their claim as the Alpha Dog of the Pac-10. I’m going start with Boise State, because they’re crawled up in the fetal position, asking why everyone is picking on them. I have changed my stance on the Boise State issue. In previous weeks, I thought they were being jumped in the polls because of their competition. However, they’ve been jumped in the BCS poll this week by TCU. Armed with that information, I’ve come to the conclusion that Boise State is preserved as being not good. I DO NOT AGREE. Let me refresh everyone’s memory. There’s one team that beat both TCU and Oregon last year. That’s Boise State. If you think a miracle happened in the offseason, and somehow there now better than Boise State. You are wrong. For a team to be good, you must win all the games you’re expected to win and some of the games you’re not supposed to win. Neither Oregon nor TCU has done that…The Boise State Broncos do it every year. Everyone is falling in love with Oregon and their offense, but that defense is putrid at best. Sooner or later that offense will stall and a team will hang 40 on them. If you think Oregon is unbeatable, I have some 2010 Rose Bowl tapes I want you to check out.

I heard a question on ESPN Radio this week. They asked if you had to pick a college football program, would you want to be Miami, Notre Dame, or Michigan. If you forced me to pick I would take Miami because of their location, but I don’t want any of those teams. The fan bases of those teams don’t understand that their identity has changed in college football. They now need to change their approach in order to be successful. Notre Dame has to run an offense that will work for the personal they can recruit (which they are), Michigan has to commit to an identity (by the way Wolverines fans, how would you like to have Lloyd Carr?), and Miami, “If you want to be big time, act like you’re big time. Upgrade that dump of a facility, and quit trying to sell that 1980’s we’re “The U” facade. This may be a news flash, but Jimmy Johnson ain’t coming through that door.”

Cameron Newton is a great college football player, and he could end up being a very good NFL player. I am thoroughly impressed with his play, and I think he has the inside track on winning the Heisman Trophy (now allow me to dismiss the rest of his season). Auburn is not going to the National Championship. In 2 weeks they will lose to Alabama by double digits.

The game of the week is TCU v. Utah

Breakdown

    I really like this game. You match two undefeated teams against each other that get no national respect. However, whichever team wins this game will at least be the 3rd ranked team in the Nation. I actually think the BCS polls will have them ranked at number 2. TCU has a defense that will be up to the challenge of stopping Jordan Wynn and the Utah Utes. Along with their defense TCU has a senior quarterback in Andy Dalton that can get the job done. Utah has home field advantage (which is probably the only advantage they have). TCU has never beat Utah in Salt Lake City. With that being said, I have TCU winning this game. They’re just better than Utah this year. I can’t wait to watch the game. Too bad I won’t be able to watch the game. This game is not on national TV, despite both of these teams being undefeated and ranked in the top 5 (please see the first three sentence of this paragraph if you need to know why this is). However, that’s not going to stop me from predicting a score.

    TCU wins, 35 – 21

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

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