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The National Title Belongs To The SEC Again; Kortney Shane’s College Football Season Review


Cam Newton Is A Champion, But For How Long?

Let’s begin…

Last night was a very interesting game. I knew it would start slow, because the stage was something these schools haven’t experienced. I didn’t think it would be so sloppy throughout the game. The biggest play on of the game occurred on a bad tackle. Where the runner, didn’t realize…he wasn’t tackled (what?). The execution on the field was terrible, and the coaching didn’t help.

I’m not going to blame everything on the coaching. What I will say is Gene Chizik is a bad coach and Chip Kelly is good to okay (Good in the Pac-10, and okay against everyone else). I thought Chizik’s approach hampered his offense. His play calling allowed Oregon to stay in the game. Auburn should have won that game by at least 14 points.

As for Chip Kelly, I tend to give him a bit of a pass. He’s coaching the players he has the best they can be coached. He has a small offensive line, and a defense that can kind of sort of create pressure. So, it makes sense that Kelly would try to play the edges of the field. At the same time if you’re a big time program, act like your big time. Play to win. Don’t run trick plays, and try to back door your way to a championship. GO WIN.

Now that the SEC has effectively dominated the entire college landscape, let’s stop arguing about what conference is the best. That’s like arguing about whether Amy Winehouse has a substance abuse problem. I know she has a problem, because I watched her do bumps on YouTube (See it here). And we know the SEC is the best conference, because they keep winning.

    This college football season was decent. While I enjoyed the games, there weren’t any great teams this year (It also didn’t help that Florida and Texas both had down seasons). That’s fine with me, because this year wasn’t about what happened on the field. This season will be remembered for rule violations and the hypocrisy of the NCAA. After seeing the way college football was expose for being the business that it is. I don’t know how anyone could deny that under this current format, college players should be compensated. I’m not talking about a suitcase full of case, or a scholarship (you know that scholarship they give to players, that’s supposed to convince everyone they’re actually students). I’m talking about a plan to funnel some of the money back to the individuals that are doing the work.

As long as this system stays the way it is. I will not condone or condemn any athlete with their hand out. So, I’m not slamming Cam Newton, A.J. Green, or the “Tat Five” at Ohio State. Instead I’m hoping that the playing field is made level for everyone. Now let’s count down the days until Auburn has the give back the National Title.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”


Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

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KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 11


This Weekend Is Headlined By An SEC Showdown In The Swamp

Let’s begin…

    After what happened in college football last week, I have no idea who the best team is. I thought it was Alabama, until they lost for the second time. I don’t think Auburn is the best team. They may not even be top 5. I’m not in love with Oregon even though they can beat any team in the country on any field. TCU is a very interesting team. I knew there defense was the best in the country, but after last week I want them to have an automatic bid in the National Championship. Boise State…what can I say. You guys continue to get pushed out, because teams look better than you. I don’t know what to say except, enjoy the Fiesta Bowl. Then you have to look at LSU, Ohio State, Wisconsin, Stanford, Arkansas, and even Iowa and South Carolina. Of course I would like playoffs, but it’s not going to happen. So, allow me to entertain you with my tier rankings (Tier 1. Any Where Anytime – Self-explanatory, Tier 2. Any Given Sunday – They can beat anyone, but things have to go right, Tier 3. Ahhh…I don’t know – They may be competitive, but there a chance they could get blown out).

Any Where Anytime

  1. TCU
  2. Alabama
  3. Oregon

Any Given Sunday

  1. Ohio State
  2. Boise State
  3. LSU
  4. Stanford

Ahhh…I don’t know

  1. Iowa
  2. Arkansas
  3. Wisconsin
  4. South Carolina

     

There are a few great college football games on the slate this weekend. My game of the week is the South Carolina Gamecocks v. The Florida Gators

Breakdown

I’m picking this game not only because these are both good SEC teams, but this is Steve Spurrier v. Urban Meyer. It’s old Gator vs. new Gator. Usually you can pencil in a win for the Florida Gators whenever South Carolina comes to “The Swamp”. However, the Gators are struggling this year to establish an identity. Meanwhile South Carolina is having their best season since the Carter administration. For the first time since coaching at Florida, it looks like Steve Spurrier likes players on his team. This is a very tough game to call. I think the talent is equal between both teams. Neither one of these teams are great, which makes it hard to pick a winner. I think the Florida Gators will win the game, because of home field advantage

Gators win 24 – 28

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 10


Why Isn't This Game On National T.V.?

Let’s begin…

    There is plenty to talk about this week in college football. The BCS picture is taking shape, Cam Newton gets closer to Heisman, and Oregon has staked their claim as the Alpha Dog of the Pac-10. I’m going start with Boise State, because they’re crawled up in the fetal position, asking why everyone is picking on them. I have changed my stance on the Boise State issue. In previous weeks, I thought they were being jumped in the polls because of their competition. However, they’ve been jumped in the BCS poll this week by TCU. Armed with that information, I’ve come to the conclusion that Boise State is preserved as being not good. I DO NOT AGREE. Let me refresh everyone’s memory. There’s one team that beat both TCU and Oregon last year. That’s Boise State. If you think a miracle happened in the offseason, and somehow there now better than Boise State. You are wrong. For a team to be good, you must win all the games you’re expected to win and some of the games you’re not supposed to win. Neither Oregon nor TCU has done that…The Boise State Broncos do it every year. Everyone is falling in love with Oregon and their offense, but that defense is putrid at best. Sooner or later that offense will stall and a team will hang 40 on them. If you think Oregon is unbeatable, I have some 2010 Rose Bowl tapes I want you to check out.

I heard a question on ESPN Radio this week. They asked if you had to pick a college football program, would you want to be Miami, Notre Dame, or Michigan. If you forced me to pick I would take Miami because of their location, but I don’t want any of those teams. The fan bases of those teams don’t understand that their identity has changed in college football. They now need to change their approach in order to be successful. Notre Dame has to run an offense that will work for the personal they can recruit (which they are), Michigan has to commit to an identity (by the way Wolverines fans, how would you like to have Lloyd Carr?), and Miami, “If you want to be big time, act like you’re big time. Upgrade that dump of a facility, and quit trying to sell that 1980’s we’re “The U” facade. This may be a news flash, but Jimmy Johnson ain’t coming through that door.”

Cameron Newton is a great college football player, and he could end up being a very good NFL player. I am thoroughly impressed with his play, and I think he has the inside track on winning the Heisman Trophy (now allow me to dismiss the rest of his season). Auburn is not going to the National Championship. In 2 weeks they will lose to Alabama by double digits.

The game of the week is TCU v. Utah

Breakdown

    I really like this game. You match two undefeated teams against each other that get no national respect. However, whichever team wins this game will at least be the 3rd ranked team in the Nation. I actually think the BCS polls will have them ranked at number 2. TCU has a defense that will be up to the challenge of stopping Jordan Wynn and the Utah Utes. Along with their defense TCU has a senior quarterback in Andy Dalton that can get the job done. Utah has home field advantage (which is probably the only advantage they have). TCU has never beat Utah in Salt Lake City. With that being said, I have TCU winning this game. They’re just better than Utah this year. I can’t wait to watch the game. Too bad I won’t be able to watch the game. This game is not on national TV, despite both of these teams being undefeated and ranked in the top 5 (please see the first three sentence of this paragraph if you need to know why this is). However, that’s not going to stop me from predicting a score.

    TCU wins, 35 – 21

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 6


Michigan State Will Go Into The Big House, But Will They Will?

Let’s begin…

    Raise your hand if you’re pissed off about Boise State dropping to #4 in the polls. Now keep your hand up if you’re surprised. This is the way the BCS works. The same system that gives Boise State hope of playing in National Championship must also reward Oregon for looking like a more impressive team. I’m not going to rant on this topic, because the BCS has already written Boise State a letter (see here).

    I was impressed with Oregon this weekend as was everyone else. Them boys can score my friend. I think if a team wants to beat them, they must make them throw the ball. That quarterback has a raggedy arm, and you must make him use it. If you don’t, get used to seeing the back of LaMichael James‘ jersey.

    The whole Denard Robinson spectacle has reached a frenzied level. Everyone has given this guy the Heisman after 5 games. Will he win it…I don’t know. I do know that he hasn’t played a good team yet, and Michigan‘s schedule picks up this week. Michigan State will be coming to town, and the Wolverines will be tested.

Breakdown

    Denard Robinson is the most captivating college football player since Reggie Bush. Dude can flat out play my friend. This week the Michigan Wolverines will be matching up with the Michigan State Spartans. The Spartans are a good team that dominated Wisconsin last week. Their defense made John Clay look average. So, I think their defense can at least compete with Robinson. At the same time…that’s Denard Robinson. The Michigan Wolverines have home field advantage, and the previously mentioned Robison. That’s it! I’m not buying into the hype. Michigan isn’t a good football team. You may say, “Kortney their 5-0.” Well last year they were 4-0, and then they played Michigan State. So I think the Spartan will go into the BIG House, and beat the Wolverines.

Michigan State wins, 30 – 24

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

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KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
3 Comments

Posted by on October 6, 2010 in College Sports, Football, Sports

 

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“Boise State, Welcome To The BCS”


Let’s begin…

Boise State Is Now Ranked Fourth In The Nation. Could This Be The Beginning Of Their Free Fall?

Dear Boise State,

We regret to inform you that through no fault of your own you will be downgraded from the third to the fourth ranked team in the nation. It’s not something we wanted to do, but our hand was forced. I wish we would have been able to warn you, but you should have seen it coming. You knew you were playing in a terrible conference. So, it was only a matter a time before a team with a better schedule leaped over you in the rankings. By now you know that team is the Oregon. Now we don’t know if they’re better than you, but we have to use or best guess. And for now they’re better than you.

It’s a long season so things change. Our only advice is to win all your games, and hope the teams above you lose. I know the system is flawed, but it’s the way we make the most money. Please send our reguard to the groin we kicked you in.

Ps. we will have a spot waiting for you in the Fiesta bowl…if you win all your games.

Sincerely Yours

The BCS

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 5


 

Stanford Takes On Oregon In A Top Ten Matchup

 

Let’s begin…

    Another great week of College Football is in the books. While Texas was getting absolutely dominated by UCLA, Terrelle Pryor strengthened his grip on the Heisman trophy. After watching the games this week I have one question. As much as I would love to question why Notre Dame is still on T.V., I don’t have the energy or the ink. What I want to know is why the Big East still owns an automatic bid into the BCS. There’s not one team in the Big East that could beat any of the teams in the Big 12, SEC, Big 10 or the Pac-10 (I don’t include the ACC because that’s a bad conference, and they shouldn’t have an automatic bid either). The teams aren’t every kind of scary. I would argue that the Mountain West has better teams at the top of their conference…okay I won’t go that far because the Mountain West is Garbage (pronounced garbaaagg).

    Conference games begin this week, so you’ll start to get a good barometer on what teams are. That means there are many good games this week. I have my eye on 2games, Oregon v. Stanford and Alabama v. Florida. As much as I want to breakdown the SEC I just can’t. They have too many good games left to play (they’ll have more opportunities) and I’m not putting Alabama’s logo on my blog 2 weeks in a row. So, I’m paying attention to the Pac-10

Breakdown

    Ever since LeGarrette Blount put that big corn-fed guy from Boise State to sleep on the 30 yard line, the Oregon Ducks have grown something. Something that Rhymes with guts, and they’re kind of like guts but not really. The Ducks are on absolute fire offensively. They score quick and often. They will also have home field advantage this week, and I love home field advantage. Stanford is a great Pac-10 team. They have one of the top 3 quarterbacks in college and the have a great coach. Ever since they beat USC 2 years ago I would argue they have been a top 3 team in the Pac-10. I think Andrew Luck will have a decent game, but it won’t be enough. The Cardinals are coming off of an emotional win, and I don’t think they can get up 2 weeks in a row. Oregon on the other hand still has a lot to prove. They are playing to get in the National Championship this year, and if they win this game. They will jump over Boise State, and be #3 in the country.

I think the Oregon Ducks will win the game, 45 – 17

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
 

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