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Barry Bonds and Greg Anderson, Best Friends For Life?


Let’s begin…

    The Barry Bonds perjury trial began this week. This is the trial to find out rather or not Bonds knowingly he took steroids. This is also known as, a complete waste of time. Barry knows he took steroids. I don’t even see how he could argue that he didn’t know. Come on Barry. You’re head doubled in size the minute you started taking the supposed flax seed oil, and if that didn’t get your attention. The acne and 73 homeruns should have tipped you off. I hate calling someone a liar without the facts (brace yourself, I’m about to call someone a liar), but I don’t see how Bonds couldn’t know.

    Now we can disagree on whether Barry knew he was taking steroids (I’m not sure why we would disagree). However, one thing that is a fact is that Greg Anderson (who was Bonds trainer) is the “Best Friend of All-Time.” This dude has middle school girls jealous of his loyalty. When they write B.F.F. on their Trapper Keeper (Are they still making those?), this is the person they hope to be.

    If you don’t know, Greg Anderson is a childhood friend of Barry Bonds. They played baseball together at a young age. While Bonds became one of the greatest players ever, Anderson had little to no success. After giving up his career as a baseball player, Anderson began working out at World Gym which just so happened to be a few blocks away from BALCO. How convenient is that? To have a steroid like crack house within walking distance from you’re gym. It’s hard to find those kinds of amenities now a day. Shoot, I’m happy to have a laundry mat 2 blocks from my house (FYI when looking for a place to live you need two things close by, 7-Eleven and a laundry mat). Now we can connect the dots from here. Anderson dabbles with steroids, later becomes Barry Bonds’ trainer, Bonds is pissed because scrubs like Mark McGwire are setting homerun records, and he ends up taking steroids himself as well. Now 762 homeruns later and about a yearlong regiment of Clearasil to clear up his acne, Bonds is on trial for lying to the grand jury for knowingly taking steroids. It would be easy to convict Bonds if the government could get Greg Anderson to testify. The problem is they can’t get him to testify.

    Greg Anderson will not testify against Barry Bonds. Since 2006 Anderson has been sentence to jail time 3 times for contempt of court, because he won’t testify in the Barry Bonds’ perjury trail. This makes no sense, because if he told the truth he wouldn’t have to worry about jail. I thought you were supposed to lie to stay out of jail. I’m confused. At the same time, maybe this is what good friends do. If that is true, I am the dirt bag of friendship. Compared to Anderson, my friendship is about as loyal as LeBron James in July. I’m not going to jail for a friend. I wouldn’t go to jail 3 times for my momma. As a matter of fact if she asks me to do something like that, I wouldn’t talk to her for a year. So, I salute Greg Anderson and his loyalty. He’s a better man than I am.

    Then again could Greg Anderson be the smartest guy in the room? Maybe Anderson is operating by the idea of keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer. Bonds could know something about him that could ruin his life.

Then again could it be possible that as childhood friends Greg and Barry made a pack?

“We’re never going to snitch on each other. We’re blood brothers and friends for life. Pass me the crayon and construction paper, so we can document our love…yeah. We’ll always be friends. As a matter of fact lets buy one of those overhype gold plated necklaces with the hearts separated in jagged fashion, that way no matter what happens we will remember each other. I got your back dog no matter what happens. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I got your back, dog. If anything happened to me while I jumped out a window…and my hair caught on fire, I got your back, dog. If 15 years from now we get caught up in a Federal investigation we’re not going to say anything, because we have each other’s back dog. Picky swear…yeah! Now grab that syringe and the clear stuff.”

    

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

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Posted by on March 26, 2011 in Baseball

 

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Did The Sweater Vest Fool You?? Yes Jim Tressel Plays The Game Too.


Let’s begin…

    First off, I think Jim Tressel knew that his players broke the rules, and I think he lied hoping that the issue would go away. Once the issue came to light he owned up to what he did, because he had nowhere else to turn. With that being said, is anyone surprised? This is college sports. It’s a system based off the exploitation of individuals that are denied the opportunity to profit off of their skills (If I read that too you and asked you to guess the profession. You would probably say black market prostitution or AAU basketball). Big time college sports are dirty, and when you’re in a dirty industry it’s hard to be clean while being successful. Just ask Randy Shannon of the University of Miami what a clean program gets you (Gets you fired in case you’re wondering).

Ohio State publicly reprimanded Jim Tressel yesterday in a press conference. They suspended him for 2 games and docked him $250,000. Now I think this is hypocritical. Look no further than the players that he covered up for. They got a five game suspension, and Tressel only got two? At the same time isn’t it also hypocritical that Terrell Pryor and the tattoo five got to play? Was it hypocritical that Cam Newton got to play last season? And while we’re at it lets sprinkle a little Reggie Bush scandal in here? The entire scope of college sports is hypocritical. So, can we please stop the farce that is, “College Student Athletes” and start paying the players.

There is too much money involved college sports to call it amateur athletics. Even Don King thinks college sports are immoral. There needs to be a union to represent the players. I propose the idea of giving players the option of a scholarship or cash (I’m talking straight cash homie). The amount of money would be collectively bargained through the union. If players opt for the cash, then they would forfeit the right to all amenities normally supplied by the university including tuition, books, and housing (I’m talking about being an adult homie).

Until changes are made these are the rules. Jim Tressel violated the rules, and should be punished. You can suspend him and his sweater vest for the entire season, but it’s not going to fix the problem. You have to end this idea of amateur athletics, and start compensating players. Now excuse me I have to wire some money to Thad Matta.

 

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
 

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The Academy Awards Brought To You By Kortney Shane


 

Let’s begin…

The Academy Awards are tomorrow night. So it’s only right that I issue my movie awards for the year. Now I have to let you know that I have my own special categories and qualifications. First of all any movie that I have seen this year qualifies. It doesn’t matter if the movie came out 10 years ago. This mean that Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo could be my movie of the year. Also I have no problem saying that a movie sucks. If it was bad it was bad. So, I will break it down, and try to keep it simple.

*Please note that I do not plan on seeing Black Swan. I have seen enough reviews of this film to know it will make me vomit at some point in time. I put the over/under at 15 minutes.

Movies of the Year

The King’s Speech

    This movie was dope. I was skeptical going in, but it surpassed all expectations.

The Fighter

I enjoyed it, but come on. We’ve seen this genre of sports movie in all its possible forms. The movie didn’t surprise me, but it was worth seeing.

Inception

Even though I still can’t figure it out. I’m pretty sure something cool happened. Plus I enjoyed the way they made the city block turn upside down. The moral of this story is if

The Town

    This is a great movie. Ben Affleck did a good job directing.

The Social Network

    This was my favorite movie this year

Gran Torino

I know it came out a while ago, but notice my qualifications.

“What Was That” Movies of the Year

Alice in Wonderland

    I thought this would be worth my time, but I was sadly mistaken. This thing just didn’t work.

Piranha 3D

This is the poster child for when 3D goes too far. It reminds of 1997 when skater jeans were in style, and everyone was wearing Jincos. We have to get this #D thing under control.

The Expendables

I don’t know if you wasted your time watching this movie, but I sure didn’t. I saw enough in the previews to make me pass on this. I would venture to say, that theres not enough steroids in Hollywood to lure me into watching a Sylvester Stallone action film.

Grown Ups

    I think this movie was supposed to me laugh, but it confused me. I’m still trying to figure what was going on.

MacGruber

    This should have never happened.

Actors of the year

Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech

    This dude is my pick for performer of the year. He was incredible.

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network

    He killed it.

Don Cheadle, Brooklyn’s Finest

    Not a good movie, but a great performance

Jeremy Renner, The Town

    It’s official; dude is a beast when he’s in his element. Renner takes over any time he’s on the screen.

Clint Eastwood, Gran Torino

    I’m not an Eastwood fan, but this was dope. I would have put him as actor of the year, but something tells me he won’t qualify.

Christian Bale, The Fighter

    He was great in the movie. I just hope he was acting.

Actresses of the year

Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit

    She was great.

Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

    I finally finished this movie, and she was great.

Melissa Leo, The Fighter

    She was great at portraying the classic overbearing parent, that can’t get her life together.

Amy Adams, The Fighter

She sold the idea of the hard edge woman from Boston. I even felt like I was in Boston. (What did I just say? Truth is I’ve never been to Boston. I just assume it looks like what I’ve seen on T.V.)

Natalie Portman, Black Swan

    I’m going to take everyone’s word for it, and assume she was great. I do not plan on watching this film. In case you forgot why, pleas reread the first paragraph.

“Please Stop Making this!” Movies of the Year

For Colored Girls

    I like Tyler Perry’s “Black men a terrible” movies just as much as the next black guy, but I think this is enough.

Jackass 3D

    It was funny at first. Now the desperation to stay relevant is saddening.

Little Fockers and Shrek 4    

    I’m knocking both of these out with one shot. Please stop. If not for me, do it for the kids.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

I really want to like this movie, but there was nothing ne. I think it’s reached its limit, unless somehow they could set up a fight between Jason and Freddie. That would be something worth seeing.

 

I not sure who win what, but if I were you I would bet on my predictions. The good about being me is, I’m not you, and I don’t trust me.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on February 26, 2011 in Pop-Culture

 

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NBA Trade Deadline: Credit LeBron James “The Trend Setter” and What Was Danny Ainge Thinking?


Let’s begin…

    Who would have thought a kid from Akron Ohio would change the landscape of the NBA with a one hour television special (that special could have lasted 2 minutes, but you have to add 58 minutes for Narcissism, Jim Gray, and the statement, “I’m Taking My Talents To South Beach” But hey, he did it for the kids…Trick love the kids). After LeBron James’ decision, there was universal criticism for what he did to the city of Cleveland, and justifiably so. Now I think it’s time to give LeBron James and Dwyane Wade some credit for being visionaries.

When Pat Riley formed the new look Miami Heat this offseason. He put the NBA on notice, and loudly said, “This is how the games, is going to be played.” Players and GMs took notice and the Superstar Trading Spree kicked into high gear. Now 8 months later Carmelo Anthony and Deron Williams are already on the move to another city. Why…because the Nuggets and Jazz didn’t want to end up like the Cavaliers (By the way the New Orleans Hornets and Orlando Magic are on notice). The winners in those trade scenarios were the New Jersey Nets and the New York Knicks, but will their respective moves lead to a championship.

Despite the trades the Knicks and Nets have made, they’re still playing catch up to the Miami Heat. Not only does Miami have two hall of fame players, but they also have a hall of fame coach overlooking basketball operations. That’s something that neither New York nor New Jersey will be able to duplicate anytime in the near future. In addition to that, the new collective bargaining agreement is looming in the horizon. It’s inevitable that the new CBA will have regulations to prevent super teams like the one constructed in Miami. So, “Good luck to the Knicks and Nets, but I’d keep those championship rings on a wish list.”

I planned on stopping my post right here. As a matter of fact I had this written yesterday. I thought I was finish. Until…I woke up and big Baron Davis was on my television screen smiling with his homeless man’s beard. Underneath his picture it read that he was trade to the Cavs. So, I couldn’t resist weighing in on my man B.D. For the amount of money that Davis has stolen over the past 2 years this is justice. He’s always out of shape and would have eaten himself out of the league in Shawn Kemp like fashion, if not for Blake Griffin rejuvenating him. So Blake Griffin shows up this year. Baron embraces him, and even helps him win the dunk contest. Now the Clippers actually have the buzz that owner Donald Sterling wanted when he acquired Baron Davis 2 years ago, and what happens next…Baron and his beard are shipped to Lake Erie for Mo Williams. How pissed are you if you go to bed in L.A. and wake up in Shaker Heights. I mad just thinking about it. Then again I’m a Cavaliers fan so I’ve been pissed since June.

The other trade that caught my attention today was the Boston Celtics sending Kendrick Perkins to the Oklahoma City Thunder for Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic. This is a great trade for Oklahoma City, and if they’re able to resign him, it will make them championship contenders for years to come. So, I know why the Thunder did this, and I applaud them. Now what the hell was Danny Ainge thinking? I’ve never been convinced of his skills as a General Manager, but who thought he would expose himself with a championship on the line? The Celtics are a championship team with Perkins, so why would they trade him for Nenad Krstic. There are only two reasons to excuse this trade. The first reason is that the Celtics believe they can’t resign Kendrick Perkins (he has already turned down a deal from the Celtics this year). The other reason is Ainge still owes Sam Presti for the robber he helped him pull off when he gave him Ray Allen in 2007. Personally I believe they wouldn’t have been able to keep Kendrick Perkins, but under this circumstance, you don’t jeopardize a championship. I never thought I would say this, but the Heat have a great chance to win a championship this year.

Now excuse while I go on EBay and place a bid on a Baron Davis jersey.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2011 in Basketball

 

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How Significant Is Albert Pujols and His $300 Million


Who Will Show Albert The Money?

Let’s begin…

    So Albert Pujols wants to get paid $300 Million over 10 years, and I don’t blame him. I want $300 Million to play baseball, and I can’t even play. I also think the St. Louis Cardinals would be idiots to sign him for that amount of money.

    Now I’ve hear people say that the Cardinals should do everything in their power to keep Pujols. Really…maybe you have it confused. This isn’t the Cleveland Cavaliers (no disrespect to Cleveland). St. Louis is the biggest baseball city in America. This is the franchise of Ozzie Smith and Bob Gibson. They have 10 World Series Championships. So what makes anyone think they need Albert Pujols? They need Pujols about as much as the Disney Channel needs Lindsay Lohan.

    Now Pujols is a great play, maybe even the best player in baseball, but how significant is he? Among the Major Sports, baseball is one where individuals have the least amount of control. This isn’t basketball where one player can single handedly change a team’s fortune. Think about the best players in recent history. Barry Bonds (who is the greatest player ever, but we can argue that later), Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey Jr., and Cal Ripken Jr.; how many championship have they won…two (you can totally move me off of Ripken, but then you would have to take away a championship, and that’s not helping you out). So tell me why Pujols is a must have again.

    It takes a collection of good players to have a great team, and if you give someone $300 million exactly how will you form that team. There are only two teams in baseball that over pay players, and continue to be competitive franchises; The New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. Currently both of those teams have over priced first basemen. So if Albert leaves the Cardinals in order to make more money, what are the chances of him winning another championship? I’m going to go with, no chance at all. Because there’s a good chance he’ll wake in a Chicago Cubs uniform for the next 10 years.

    At the end of the day an employee is worth however much they get paid. If Albert Pujols signs a contract for 300 million dollars over 10 years this offseason, two teams are going to be very happy. However, only one of those teams will be happy in 5 years. That team is the St. Louis Cardinals.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2011 in Baseball, Sports

 

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The 2011 Grammy Awards According To The Truth


Let’s begin…

    So the Grammy Awards are tonight, and under normal conditions I would be happy. However this year’s lineup is terrible. Both the award nominations and performances this year are underwhelming. It has been reported that Dr. Dre will be performing. Really? Now I love the Doctor just as much as the next guy that grew up in the suburbs. I would just rather remember him as the guy with the Jerry Curl that didn’t like the police. I don’t want see Dre at 46 wearing skinny and a Kangol, trying to reinforce his gangster. Speaking of Dr. Dre…can we please stop with the Eminem charade, because it’s starting to get sad? There is no way “Recovery” should be nominated for Album of the year. Now I understand that they want a representative from Hip Hop in the Album of the year category. I just think that nomination should have gone to Jay-Z for “The Blueprint 3.”

    I will concede that there weren’t a lot of great albums that came out, but do you think that’s going to stop me from creating a list of this year’s must have music (the answer is absolutely not in case you didn’t catch my self-importance).

These are the top albums this year in no particular order (I don’t highlight singles, because I think they can be a misrepresentation of what an album truly is).

Sir Lucious Left Foot…The Son of Chico Dusty

Big Boi

This album reminds me of all the reasons why I’m still pissed off that OutKast broke up. Big Boi brings his regular style

  

  

How I Got Over

The Roots 

I’m a big fan of the Roots, so my opinion can be considered bias. However, I don’t know how anyone could argue with the merit of this album. One would think that the quality of their work would slip, because of their job as a house band for Jimmy Fallon, but this isn’t the case.

  

  

The Blueprint 3

Jay-Z

This is just another notch in Jay-Z’s belt. At this point his career is unexplainable. Dude is still getting better. At this pace I’m expecting at least two more retirements, and timeless classics.

  

  

Need You Now        

           

Lady Antebellum

It may surprise you that I have this on my list, but I have to respect the game. Not only is this album in my library, but it’s in rotation.

 

 

Thank Me Later

Drake

As much as it pains me say, this album is hot. I have this bet with my brother that Drake is all hype, and my bet isn’t looking good (We also have a side bet with Lady GaGa that still have a lot of faith in). I don’t know what he’s doing, but dude is delivering the mail.

 

Battle Studies

John Mayer

I totally understand why some people can’t stand this guy’s music. At times I even agree. This is not the case with this album. I believe it’s his most versatile album to date.

Hope you enjoyed my show.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2011 in Pop-Culture

 

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What No One Is Saying About The Cleveland Cavaliers 25 Game Losing Streak


There Is Nothing But Frustration In Cleveland

Let’s begin…

Now that the Cavaliers have set the record for longest losing streak in NBA history, I think it’s the perfect time to weigh in with some perspective (I didn’t want to talk about it before it happened, because I didn’t want to jinx the streak). For everyone that couldn’t understand why people in Cleveland were crying and burning LeBron‘s jersey after the decision…do you understand now? With that being said, don’t be fooled by what you hear. People talk about how the impact of LeBron is the reason why Cavaliers are losing, and that’s just not completely true. No player in the history of organized basketball is worth 60 wins. It’s easy to dismiss the Cleveland Cavaliers as a team that can’t win without their star player, but let’s examine the whole story.

The Cavs lost the best player in the NBA during free agency. I’m not going to argue that. As a matter of fact I think LeBron should get another MVP this year just for carrying that team for the last 7 years. What many people don’t talk about is that they also lost Delonte West, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and Shaquille O’Neal during free agency (What? Did I really just throw Zydrunas Ilgauskas in there as a loss? We may disagree with on Ilgauskas, but I think we can all agree that Delonte’s guns will never be replaced). Couple that with injuries to Mo Williams and Anderson Varejao, and you have a team that could lose 25 games in a row. There is only one player currently playing for the Cavaliers that was a starter for the opening game of the 2009 – 2010 season. So it’s just lazy to say LeBron James is main reason why the Cavs are losing.

What’s happening to the Cleveland Cavaliers is extraordinary. I’ve never seen anything like this before. I have absolutely no faith in their ability to win. I would rather bet on a 6 year soccer team, before I bet the Cavs to cover in a parlay. At the same time if you know anything about the Cavaliers this shouldn’t be shocking (that was a dumb statement by me. I don’t know why the average person would know anything about the Cavs. There people in jail that have better things to do). The good thing is I’m a Cleveland fan, so I will break it down for you (Oh it just keeps getting better).

The Cavaliers struggled throughout the early 80s until they landed Brad Daugherty, Mark Price, Ron Harper and Larry Nance in 1986. The Cavs would be competitive for the next 6 years, and even reach the Eastern Conference Finals. When Cleveland’s core begin to age and retire the Cavs started to struggle again. From 1993 – 2003 they would wallow in mediocrity and never win a playoff series. In 2003 Cleveland drafted LeBron James, and we all know what happened after that. The Cavs would become one of the marquee teams in the NBA, and perennial title contender. After a one championship appearance and a decision, the Cavs were broken up. Now the Cavs are in there traditional low period, but how long will it last (This is where I come in. Watch me save the day)?

The Cavs need to finish what the “The Decision” started, and exile the rest of their core to South Beach. Everything incorporated with the LeBron James era needs to be severed, in order to create a new identity. They can start by either trading or buying out Anderson Varejao, Daniel Gibson, and maybe even Mo Williams. I say maybe Mo because he was not a part of Cleveland teams that had playoff success. I also think he would be an asset worth keeping if the Cavs can rebuild fast enough. They also need to sever ties with Anthony Parker and Antawn Jamison. They can wait on Parker, but I think they should trade Jamison now. Dude has about 4 days of Cavalier basketball left in him. I think they could do him and themselves a favor if they let him go. That would leave the Cleveland Cavaliers with a core of J.J. Hickson and Mo Williams. If they couple that with their lottery pick and trade acquisitions, the Cavaliers could be back in the playoffs in 2 years. Will they be title contenders in 6 years? I don’t know. What I do know is they won’t be losing 25 games in a row.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2011 in Basketball

 

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