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The Great Manny Ramirez, Juiced His Way Out Of the Hall of Fame?


Manny Is Still Great?

Let’s begin…

I don’t know if you’ve heard but Many Ramirez has decided to retire from baseball. When I heard the news I thought, “Manny is done, and he just doesn’t want to play anymore. Maybe he realizes that his skills have diminished to the point that he can no longer be elite.” Then a report was issued by ESPN.com that stated that Ramirez had been busted for performance enhancing drugs…again…for the second time, consecutively. I couldn’t believe that someone could be so careless. You know you’re going to get tested, and you’ve already been busted. So, you decide to do it again…what? Come on Manny.

If I could talk to Manny (who am I supposed to be, “If I could talk to Manny” I’m a Douche) I would want to know why? Is it because you were jealous of other players? Were you influenced by other great baseball players, or did you need it to become a great player?

Usually I believe that great players are not made hall of famers because of performance enhancing drugs. I mean these are great athletes, the best of the best. In addition to that no one can become a hall of famer on drugs? Then again maybe they can. I would argue that Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire, were all made potential hall of Famers because of steroids. All you have to do is look at their numbers, and you can see the spike in their respective performances. However that’s not the case with Ramirez. His numbers never jumped or dipped erratically. This makes it tough to decipher when he started using steroids. Furthermore it allows me to believe that there’s a possibility he used them for his entire career.

I don’t eliminate anyone from the hall of fame for steroid use. The only reason I eliminate people is because you’re a scrub or you’re just not good enough (please see Jose Canseco, because he’s a good example of both scenarios). That’s why Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, and Roger Clemens are in my Hall of Fame. They are just great players. I considered Manny Ramirez to be in this category as well.

When it originally came out that Manny had taken steroids I wasn’t surprised. It had become so rampant in the baseball community that assumed everyone was taking them. So, I decided that I would judge players based on their career pre and post steroid era. This is where I have a problem with Ramirez being in the hall of fame. Manny has been busted during the steroid era, and post steroid era. So, I am led to believe that he took steroids throughout his entire career. Consequently this makes all of his numbers tainted.

As a Cleveland Indian fan, I would like to look over the transgressions of Manny Ramirez, but I can’t. He cheated the game. I can’t let him in the Hall of Fame. With that being said, Manny Ramirez will always hold a special place in my sports pantheon. I will remember him has an entertainer and great hitter, with once in a generation talent. I’m not going to remember the dreadlocks or the lost years in L.A. I’m going to remember the Manny Ramirez that led the Boston Red Sox to the World Series Championship. I will remember the guy that I first identified with a Cleveland Indians uniform. The Dominican kid with talent and a jerry curl, poking out of the bottom of his hat.

Oh yeah! That’s Manny being Manny.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

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Posted by on April 8, 2011 in Baseball

 

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Barry Bonds and Greg Anderson, Best Friends For Life?


Let’s begin…

    The Barry Bonds perjury trial began this week. This is the trial to find out rather or not Bonds knowingly he took steroids. This is also known as, a complete waste of time. Barry knows he took steroids. I don’t even see how he could argue that he didn’t know. Come on Barry. You’re head doubled in size the minute you started taking the supposed flax seed oil, and if that didn’t get your attention. The acne and 73 homeruns should have tipped you off. I hate calling someone a liar without the facts (brace yourself, I’m about to call someone a liar), but I don’t see how Bonds couldn’t know.

    Now we can disagree on whether Barry knew he was taking steroids (I’m not sure why we would disagree). However, one thing that is a fact is that Greg Anderson (who was Bonds trainer) is the “Best Friend of All-Time.” This dude has middle school girls jealous of his loyalty. When they write B.F.F. on their Trapper Keeper (Are they still making those?), this is the person they hope to be.

    If you don’t know, Greg Anderson is a childhood friend of Barry Bonds. They played baseball together at a young age. While Bonds became one of the greatest players ever, Anderson had little to no success. After giving up his career as a baseball player, Anderson began working out at World Gym which just so happened to be a few blocks away from BALCO. How convenient is that? To have a steroid like crack house within walking distance from you’re gym. It’s hard to find those kinds of amenities now a day. Shoot, I’m happy to have a laundry mat 2 blocks from my house (FYI when looking for a place to live you need two things close by, 7-Eleven and a laundry mat). Now we can connect the dots from here. Anderson dabbles with steroids, later becomes Barry Bonds’ trainer, Bonds is pissed because scrubs like Mark McGwire are setting homerun records, and he ends up taking steroids himself as well. Now 762 homeruns later and about a yearlong regiment of Clearasil to clear up his acne, Bonds is on trial for lying to the grand jury for knowingly taking steroids. It would be easy to convict Bonds if the government could get Greg Anderson to testify. The problem is they can’t get him to testify.

    Greg Anderson will not testify against Barry Bonds. Since 2006 Anderson has been sentence to jail time 3 times for contempt of court, because he won’t testify in the Barry Bonds’ perjury trail. This makes no sense, because if he told the truth he wouldn’t have to worry about jail. I thought you were supposed to lie to stay out of jail. I’m confused. At the same time, maybe this is what good friends do. If that is true, I am the dirt bag of friendship. Compared to Anderson, my friendship is about as loyal as LeBron James in July. I’m not going to jail for a friend. I wouldn’t go to jail 3 times for my momma. As a matter of fact if she asks me to do something like that, I wouldn’t talk to her for a year. So, I salute Greg Anderson and his loyalty. He’s a better man than I am.

    Then again could Greg Anderson be the smartest guy in the room? Maybe Anderson is operating by the idea of keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer. Bonds could know something about him that could ruin his life.

Then again could it be possible that as childhood friends Greg and Barry made a pack?

“We’re never going to snitch on each other. We’re blood brothers and friends for life. Pass me the crayon and construction paper, so we can document our love…yeah. We’ll always be friends. As a matter of fact lets buy one of those overhype gold plated necklaces with the hearts separated in jagged fashion, that way no matter what happens we will remember each other. I got your back dog no matter what happens. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I got your back, dog. If anything happened to me while I jumped out a window…and my hair caught on fire, I got your back, dog. If 15 years from now we get caught up in a Federal investigation we’re not going to say anything, because we have each other’s back dog. Picky swear…yeah! Now grab that syringe and the clear stuff.”

    

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
1 Comment

Posted by on March 26, 2011 in Baseball

 

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Jersey Shore: “Ronnie The G.O.A.T.


 

Ronnie Needs A Book Deal

Let’s begin…

    I have been watching Jersey Shore since the exception of the program on MTV. Originally the Jersey Shore was highlighted on an episode of MTV’s show True Life I’m A Jersey Shore Girl, in 2004. In 2009 MTV casted it as its own reality show, and formed what is now known as Jersey Shore (by the way what took them so long, and why am I so proud to know this information). It didn’t take long to figure out the show was a keeper, and it took even less time to figure out that Ronnie had the potential to be the greatest reality star of all time. He has everything it takes: mood swings, chemical imbalance, binge drinking, and infidelity. In the business we call that, the total package. Now I want more.

    Can someone please sign Ronnie to a book deal? I want to know this guy’s secrets. I have never seen someone repeatedly cheat on his girlfriend, somehow justify it, and convince the woman to apologize to him. This kind of talent is once in a lifetime. He is a franchise player in the making, and soon to be a Hall of Famer. As a matter of fact if Infidelity had a hall of Fame, Ronnie would be the guy shaking inductees’ hands, welcoming them in.

    Now if we could somehow get Ronnie a book deal. He could sell some of his best moves to the general public. It would be a real life version of, “Breakin’ all the Rules” (terrible movie, but watch it so you can laugh at this joke). Now I’m not interested in practicing Ronnie moves. Ya boy has his own game, and it works great. Plus there’s a good chance Ronnie’s secrets involve some weird amount of steroids and street pills. So, I think I’ll pass. However, I would like to read the book. That book would be essay style porn. A car accident you have to see. A grease fire (add more ridiculous analogies in your head).

    So, let’s start a campaign. Maybe I should create a Facebook Page? Hold on, already did that. Support the cause here, “Ronnie Needs A Book”. Now spread the word.

Ps. I can’t believe I wrote this post. Sad thing is, I fist pumped throughout the whole thing, while wearing an affliction tee shirt. “Douche”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2011 in Pop-Culture

 

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