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Tag Archives: Urban Meyer

Emergency Post: “Make Way For Bill Cowher!”


Let’s begin…

Can we please stop with the Bill Cowher mania! He’s a good coach. I repeat, a good coach. He’s not exceptional by any stretch of the imagination. So I can’t figure why everybody is treating him like Vince Lombardi. Cowher is not going to turn around anybody’s franchise. He can get you over the hump if your team is ready to win, but what is that saying. If that’s what you’re looking for save 20 million dollars and higher Barry Switzer (In my opinion Switzer is a better coach than Cowher. That’s right I said it. Now give me time to put the cap back on this banana cognac).

Bill Cowher is going to get a head coaching job (probably in Miami) and he’s going to be over paid (just like 20 other NFL coaches). This doesn’t make him a bad hire (it would be a good hire for certain teams), it just makes him another NFL coach. So let’s stop treating him like the Dali Lama. This is an above average NFL coach trying to get a job. Treat him like Brian Billick, John Gruden, Jason Garrett, Leslie Frazier, and Urban Meyer (That’s right I said it).

Now let me get back to doing something important.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

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Posted by on December 23, 2010 in Football, NFL

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”


Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 11


This Weekend Is Headlined By An SEC Showdown In The Swamp

Let’s begin…

    After what happened in college football last week, I have no idea who the best team is. I thought it was Alabama, until they lost for the second time. I don’t think Auburn is the best team. They may not even be top 5. I’m not in love with Oregon even though they can beat any team in the country on any field. TCU is a very interesting team. I knew there defense was the best in the country, but after last week I want them to have an automatic bid in the National Championship. Boise State…what can I say. You guys continue to get pushed out, because teams look better than you. I don’t know what to say except, enjoy the Fiesta Bowl. Then you have to look at LSU, Ohio State, Wisconsin, Stanford, Arkansas, and even Iowa and South Carolina. Of course I would like playoffs, but it’s not going to happen. So, allow me to entertain you with my tier rankings (Tier 1. Any Where Anytime – Self-explanatory, Tier 2. Any Given Sunday – They can beat anyone, but things have to go right, Tier 3. Ahhh…I don’t know – They may be competitive, but there a chance they could get blown out).

Any Where Anytime

  1. TCU
  2. Alabama
  3. Oregon

Any Given Sunday

  1. Ohio State
  2. Boise State
  3. LSU
  4. Stanford

Ahhh…I don’t know

  1. Iowa
  2. Arkansas
  3. Wisconsin
  4. South Carolina

     

There are a few great college football games on the slate this weekend. My game of the week is the South Carolina Gamecocks v. The Florida Gators

Breakdown

I’m picking this game not only because these are both good SEC teams, but this is Steve Spurrier v. Urban Meyer. It’s old Gator vs. new Gator. Usually you can pencil in a win for the Florida Gators whenever South Carolina comes to “The Swamp”. However, the Gators are struggling this year to establish an identity. Meanwhile South Carolina is having their best season since the Carter administration. For the first time since coaching at Florida, it looks like Steve Spurrier likes players on his team. This is a very tough game to call. I think the talent is equal between both teams. Neither one of these teams are great, which makes it hard to pick a winner. I think the Florida Gators will win the game, because of home field advantage

Gators win 24 – 28

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
 

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No One is an Amateur in Athletics…That’s How it Should Be


Sports can't get rid of what makes the ball bounce

Let’s begin…

    Amateur competition does not exist. As soon as you insert the word “competition” everyone involved becomes a professional. If you want it to be an amateur sport, don’t keep score. That would fix the problem. Treat it like a YMCA 10 and under league. I’m sure at some time there were Amateur Athletics. Back when Rick Barry shot underhand free throws, Pele was on the pitch, and people thought only Rock and Roll singers did blow. That time is long gone. Now athletes do blow, and they have the opportunity to be paid if they’re good enough. From American idol to the Jersey shore, if you have a product worth watching there’s money to be made.

    The integrity of College Athletics has taken center stage once again this summer. The on going investigation into USC athletics and Reggie Bush came to a conclusion. USC was found at fault by the NCAA, and levied a heavy punishment. Why…because they got caught. Just like the University of Miami before them. Note to all college Athletic Directors. Don’t invite Snoop Dogg or Uncle Luke to sit on your side line. A rapper on the downside of their career will cause problems. Just ask Eminem. At the same time no matter what an A.D. does college athletes will continue to get paid, thanks to boosters and agents. Rich boosters and Slimy Agents, it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Thanks to them the newest member to the club of recent violators will be the University of Florida, if they are found at fault in the Maurkice Pouncey situation (Pouncey allegedly received $100,000 before the Sugar Bowl. Straight Cash Homie).

    Take a look at the schools that have recently been found in violation of NCAA rules. Alabama, Florida State, University of Miami, Ohio State, Michigan, and any team coached by John Calipari. What do they all have in common? They all win. That’s why Boise State and Utah can’t compete consistently, because you can’t get Reggie Bush to run the Hook and Ladder for minimum wage.

    Even though it’s a violation of the rules, I think players should be compensated financially. They enable the University to make millions of dollars. It’s only right that they get some kick back. However, it is against the rules so let’s fix it, and make it Amateur Athletics. First start paying coaches like you pay the head of the College of Business. Stop allowing conferences or schools to have television deals. And stop agents from having any contact with players. Then I think you can try and sell your product as an amateur sport. However that won’t happen. Amateur competition doesn’t exist. Players and coaches will continue to get paid. Conferences will merge to make more money. “So rich boosters and slimy agents come on in, and don’t forget Uncle Luke.”

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2010 in Basketball, Sports

 

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