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2011 NBA Season Lottery Teams Rankings, MVP, and Best Team


The Heat, Lakers, and Thunder Are All Powerhouse Teams

Let’s begin…

NBA Lottery Teams, Power Rankings

The rankings are based on a combination of quality of players, expectations, and how awful the team was. I’m ranking best outcome to worse outcome.

“This is it. Don’t get scared now.”

  1. L.A. Clippers: This was clearly the best lottery team this season. They toyed with the idea of making the playoffs while being just bad enough to make it into the lottery. Couldn’t have done it better myself.
  2. Houston Rockets: This is the arguably the best team in the lottery. They obviously have some holes to fill in the front court, but they have one of the best front offices in the NBA. They will be fine. Look for them to make the playoffs next year.
  3. Milwaukee Bucks: This is a playoff team that caught some bad breaks. Look for them to get back on track next season. “Fear the Dear”
  4. Phoenix Suns: This franchise is in denial. They should have started rebuilding 3 years ago after the Shaq experience. They have to get what they can for Steve Nash and cut bait with Vince Carter as soon as possible. Do it for the kids.
  5. Golden State Warriors: I don’t even know what to call this. I think it’s a basketball team, but I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish. I’m not sure they are even trying to win games, but I love this organization, because hands down they have the best fantasy players.
  6. Utah Jazz: After losing their two best players what could you reasonably expect. If you’re a Jazz fan just pray Jimmer Fredette is off the board before the Jazz make their pick.
  7. Minnesota Timberwolves: For the talent this team had they should have won a few more games. At the same time this is Minnesota. I’m not sure they know they still have a basketball team.
  8. Sacramento Kings: Welcome to the best high school team of all time. If John Calipari were a GM this is the team he would put together. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Kings end up having to vacate wins.
  9. Charlotte Bobcats: You changed coaches, traded away your best players, and Michael Jordan is your de facto GM. Other than that things are great.
  10. Washington Wizards: Your team stinks, but at least you have John Wall.
  11. Cleveland Cavaliers: “Damn” Nuff said
  12. Toronto Raptors: I know why this debacle happened, but did you have to wallow in the debacle?
  13. Detroit Pistons: I wanted to put Toronto last, but then I remembered that no one playing for the Pistons likes to organization. So I will jump off the ship with them.

My All NBA Team

C Dwight Howard

PF LaMarcus Aldridge

SF LeBron James

SG Dwyane Wade

PG Derrick Rose

I almost put Kevin Durant at shooting guard because he should be on this list.

2011 MVP

This belongs to Dwight Howard. I don’t want to hear about how Derrick Rose is so great. Look, dude isn’t even top five in the NBA (FYI top five: LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Dirk Nowitzki). Don’t get me wrong he’s a good player, but he is replaceable. On the other hand no one changes the game on both ends of the floor the way Dwight Howard does. He is the most dominate force in the NBA, and the MVP.

Best Team in the NBA

The Los Angeles Lakers are the best team. It may be seen as a copout, but they’re the best. The bottom line is they would be the favorite against every other team in the NBA. They have the best closer in Kobe Bryant, and the best coach in Phil Jackson. The Lakers should win the championship.

Season Synopsis

This has been the best regular season in recent history. I think it can spark another golden age in basketball, and I want to thank LeBron James (you’ll have to excuse me for a moment I just threw up in my mouth). James and the Miami Heat changed the way originations put their teams together. Now thanks to them we have powerhouse teams in big markets (the downside is terrible teams like Toronto ad Cleveland…just threw up in my mouth again).

There are 6 teams that have a legitimate shot at winning a championship. I can’t remember the last time that was the case. Wide open playoffs should make for some excitement.

“It’s Go Time!”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

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6 Comments

Posted by on April 17, 2011 in Basketball

 

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NBA Questions…What Are The Miami Heat?


What Are The Heat?

Let’s begin…

    The NBA season is over half way over, and I still have many unanswered questions. Personally I think I have too many unanswered question (did I just write that? I didn’t need to say that twice. I’m a dope).

  • What’s going on with the Miami Heat? It was great watching them lose at the beginning of the season, but now it’s becoming disturbing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t this team supposed to good? I think they were. At least that’s what LeBron told us after the decision when the “Big Hype” stepped through the smoke, like the 87′ Miami Hurricanes. You remember the unveiling when LeBron counted off the Championships, “Not 1, Not 2, Not 3…” Then again maybe he was counting off the number of terrible late game possessions.

    By this time shouldn’t we know what the Miami Heat are? I can’t figure out is their finesse or tough. During close games I don’t even know if their alive. The Heat have time left to address their problems, but it’s getting dangerously close to their carriage turning into a pumpkin. Then again they did sign Mike Bibby, so everything will be alright.

 

  • Since Carmelo Anthony was traded to the New York Knicks, the Denver Nuggets are 5-1. So, is Anthony really that valuable? Now I’m not going to argue that the Nuggets are better without Carmelo Anthony, but I don’t believe they lost anything. With Carmelo the Nuggets had only advanced in the playoff one year out of seven. Call me optimistic, but I believe the Denver could do that without him.

 

  • Is it possible to hold off on nominating Danny Ainge as the King of Basketball? Before Kevin Garnett was gift wrapped to the Celtics, like a tennis bracelet from Jared, Ainge was known as an unsuccessful GM that was on the hot seat. Now four years since the trade the Celtics want you to believe that Danny Ainge has Nostradamus like powers. Now if Kendrick Perkins breaks down, and Jeff Green turns into Scottie Pippen, they would be right. However, there is a better chance that the Celtics capitalized on a small window with aging superstars, and they won’t be able to duplicate in the future. This has happened before, and at that time we overreacted the same way. “Danny Ainge, meet Joe Dumars.”

 

  • Can someone tell me how the San Antonio Spurs keep doing this? Their like a super hero that won’t die. I thought their window was close 3 years ago. There must be something in San Antonio’s water. How else could you explain the fact that their starting center is playing without ACLs. I demand a Federal Grand Jury investigation (Barry Bonds style).

    If the Spurs advance deep into the playoffs, it’s only right that Tony Parker be court mandated to repair his relationship with Eva Longoria. “Come on Tony please do it for the kids!” (Trick love the kids).

  • Is it hypocritical for small market teams like Indiana, Cleveland, and Sacramento to complain about the structure of the NBA? They weren’t complaining when they were the perennial Championship contenders, and Miami, New York, and Boston were at the bottom of the league. This is the way the system works. The only city that should be pissed off is Seattle. Not only did they lose a team that is now a championship contender, but they don’t have a chance of getting another one in the near future. Then again they have the Mariners and Seahawks to help ease the pain.

     

    This has been the greatest NBA regular season since the late 80s when Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Isiah Thomas were in the league. Many people have said that was the golden age of the NBA. If it was golden then, it’s platinum now.

    The questions surround the NBA has made one most predictable professional sport leagues intriguing. It will only get better with the playoffs starting in a month, and I “Can’t Wait” (Bart Scott style).

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2011 in Basketball

 

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It Would Be Great, If The Seattle Seahawks Won The Super Bowl


What If The Seattle Seahawks Win It All?

Let’s begin…

Now I’m not a fan of the Seattle Seahawks. I just think it would be great if the Seattle Seahawks won the super bowl, because they are terrible. Think about all the great story lines. Imagine a team winning a super bowl with a quarterback controversy (I can’t figure out how you have a quarterback controversy when the both stink. Just pick a pile of feces to play with), a losing record, and a city that doesn’t even want them in the playoffs (If the Seahawks lost Sunday they would have had the number 8 pick in the draft. They would have been able to get a quarterback, and cut one of those pile of feces). What would Roger Goodell say when he presents Pete Carroll with the Vince Lombardi trophy, “Congratulations to the Seahawks. I’m sure you all are just as shocked as everyone else. As soon as the FBI finishes investigating those Brett Favre photos, I’ll have them figure out who you paid to get here. So take this trophy and don’t tell anyone about this.”

The greatest thing that would come out of the Seahawks winning the super bowl is the silencing of the football purist that live to spout off principles about “what it takes to win.” “You have to have defense. Defense wins championships.” “No it’s not defense. You need great coaching.” If Seattle were to win those purist would blow their head off and analyst that believed the same way would have to find a new gimmick. I know ESPN is sweating, because have of their analyst are employed by them.

With all that being said the Seattle Seahawks have no shot. I mean none. There’s a better chance that Michael Vick will organize the 2010 Westminster dog show.

This is just a personal fantasy of mine. I know it won’t happen, but I will be routing for turmoil.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on January 4, 2011 in Football, NFL

 

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How Does Donovan McNabb Do IT?


McNabb Benched Again

Let’s begin…

    This weekend Donovan McNabb will be benched by Mike Shanahan in favor of Rex Grossman. That’s right Rex Grossman. I can’t figure out how that guy is still in the NFL. I thought somebody from Chicago killed him after he gave away the super bowl. I wonder if Grossman has ever been a good player. I know he had a great career at the University of Florida, but so did Danny Wuerffel. Wuerffel was also a terrible NFL player, but he managed to go away subtlety (Kind of the way ABC stopped making that Caveman Television show. What an epic fail that was). That’s Grossman’s biggest flaw…he just won’t go away. Rex Grossman is to the NFL what Roaches are to Studio Apartments.

    Donovan McNabb is getting replaced for the 4th time in a little over 2 years. So, if twice is a trend…what’s four times. Is Donovan a good quarterback? I’m not sure. I want to say he’s a great quarterback, because of his history. However, if someone is great and they know they’re great…why doesn’t he defend himself?

    Why does McNabb never step up and say something. From the time he was drafted (He was booed on draft night) until now Donovan has doubted and disrespected. And he has also never said a word about it. I wish I were Donovan McNabb for a day. I’d say what he won’t, “Terrell Owens sucks! I can’t stand that guy. Andy Reed is still my boy. I know he had to trade me. Look Mike Vick is a beast, so it’s cool. Now Mike Shanahan on the other hand is a terrible coach. He’s overrated and red in the face. What’s that all about? How do you get that tan in Washington? Even black be people are surprised by his hue. He told me that I wasn’t going to start this weekend. I know I am not as good as I was, but don’t bring in Rex Grossman. I’d rather get traded to the Bills than lose my job to him…” I would be happy if he said anything close to that, but he hasn’t. And I don’t think that he will. So until then, you can catch McNabb this Sunday on Washington’s bench.

    I don’t know what the future holds for Donovan McNabb. I think he will play for the Arizona Cardinals next year, but beware…Max Hall will be looking over his shoulder.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2010 in Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”


Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 4


#1 Alabama Takes On #10 Arkansas. Will It Be An Upset?

 

Let’s begin…

Review

    “Jake Locker, time to wake up. You’ve wet the bed again.” Man! I can’t believe I fell for the façade. I’m a dope. Locker had people fooled into thinking he was actually good. I give him credit for fooling people while never winning a big game in his career. However, I have to dock him points for fooling himself, and not taking 50 million dollars in the NFL. The rest of Washington’s season is irrelevant. At least Locker will have time to change his own sheets.

    I also didn’t see Iowa losing. The deck was definitely stacked against them. They had to go to the West Coast, and play a game at 10:30. However, if you want to be the man, you have to win those games. They didn’t and they’re not the man. Somewhere Ohio State is smiling.

Preview

    It’s a good week in college football. Boise State will be in action this week against Oregon State. This is there last big game this year. You also have South Carolina v. Auburn and West Virginia v. LSU. My game of the week is Alabama v. Arkansas.

Breakdown

    The Alabama Crimson Tide will be tested for the first time since the National Championship this week. The Arkansas Razorbacks are a good college football team this year, and they have a great chance to pull the upset. The Razorbacks possibly have the best quarterback in college football this year and a good coach. The will also have home field advantage. And home field advantage in the SEC, can be huge. Alabama has what I think is the best player in college football. He’s (drum roll please) Julio Jones! They also have the best coach in college football, two top 10 running backs, and oh yeah, their quarterback hasn’t lost a game since 8th grade. Now I said the Arkansas has a chance to pull the upset, and if they win that’s exactly what it’ll be. Roll tide!

Alabama wins 35 – 17

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on September 22, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: Week 3


Nebraska Will Take On Washington In Seattle

Let’s begin…

Review

    Did big teams show up this weekend? I think so. Alabama, Ohio State, Oklahoma, and Florida pounded their competition. They proved that they are in the 10 of college football. One of those teams will win the National title this year, and all of them will play in a BCS game.

    The big performance of the weekend goes to Denard Robinson of Michigan. He showed Notre Dame in one game why they’ve been losing for the last 10 years. He has something Notre Dame hasn’t had…speed (along with dreadlocks and shoes without any laces).

    I think I feel bad that Boise State loss this weekend without even playing (thanks to Virginia Tech‘s losing to James Madison).

Preview

    There aren’t many good games this week. I will be watching Michigan State v. Notre Dame and Iowa v. Arizona. However my game of the week is Nebraska v. Washington. This is probably not the sexiest game, but I have to give some love to the west coast.

Breakdown

    The Washington Huskies really have their backs against the wall this weekend. Nebraska is a better team at least I think they are. If you take a quick look at them, you would think they are the power team of last year. However, when you look closer they are a one dimensional team, with a run first mentality. They have looked great against terrible teams, and still haven’t been able to generate a passing game. Washington on the other hand is a more balanced team. They do have a limited defense, but they have a good coach to compensate. They also have two ex-factors working for them. They have home field advantage and they have a great quarterback (Jake Locker). If Washington can stop the run they will win the game going away. I don’t think they will do that, but they will do enough to win.

I have Washington wining, 27 – 24

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 
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Posted by on September 15, 2010 in College Sports, Football

 

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