Jersey Shore: “Ronnie The G.O.A.T.

 

Ronnie Needs A Book Deal

Let’s begin…

    I have been watching Jersey Shore since the exception of the program on MTV. Originally the Jersey Shore was highlighted on an episode of MTV’s show True Life I’m A Jersey Shore Girl, in 2004. In 2009 MTV casted it as its own reality show, and formed what is now known as Jersey Shore (by the way what took them so long, and why am I so proud to know this information). It didn’t take long to figure out the show was a keeper, and it took even less time to figure out that Ronnie had the potential to be the greatest reality star of all time. He has everything it takes: mood swings, chemical imbalance, binge drinking, and infidelity. In the business we call that, the total package. Now I want more.

    Can someone please sign Ronnie to a book deal? I want to know this guy’s secrets. I have never seen someone repeatedly cheat on his girlfriend, somehow justify it, and convince the woman to apologize to him. This kind of talent is once in a lifetime. He is a franchise player in the making, and soon to be a Hall of Famer. As a matter of fact if Infidelity had a hall of Fame, Ronnie would be the guy shaking inductees’ hands, welcoming them in.

    Now if we could somehow get Ronnie a book deal. He could sell some of his best moves to the general public. It would be a real life version of, “Breakin’ all the Rules” (terrible movie, but watch it so you can laugh at this joke). Now I’m not interested in practicing Ronnie moves. Ya boy has his own game, and it works great. Plus there’s a good chance Ronnie’s secrets involve some weird amount of steroids and street pills. So, I think I’ll pass. However, I would like to read the book. That book would be essay style porn. A car accident you have to see. A grease fire (add more ridiculous analogies in your head).

    So, let’s start a campaign. Maybe I should create a Facebook Page? Hold on, already did that. Support the cause here, “Ronnie Needs A Book”. Now spread the word.

Ps. I can’t believe I wrote this post. Sad thing is, I fist pumped throughout the whole thing, while wearing an affliction tee shirt. “Douche”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 

The NFL…Boring?

The NFL and Celebrations Should Go Hand and Hand

Let’s begin…

    I know I’m not supposed to say this, but overall the NFL hasn’t been exciting this year. I know people will argue with me and regurgitate the rhetoric of NFL analyst. You’ll try to tell me that the NFL is must watch television, but I don’t see it. Maybe you’re living in the past when the NFL had personalities and fun. However in 2006, fun began to be stripped from the NFL by commissioner Goodell.

In 2006 Roger Goodell was chosen to become commissioner of the NFL. He wasted no time in deciding to make Public Enemy Number One “fun”.

Now I don’t blame him for focusing on behavior in the NFL, because the players were out of their minds. Bill Belichick was stealing opponents’ signals, Pacman Joneswas starting gun fights at strip clubs, and Mike Vick was running a dogfighting ring. So there was a need for someone to come in and establish order. The problem is Goodell wanted to be a first ballot Hall of Fame kill joy (kill joy? Why did I write that? I couldn’t think of anything better), so he couldn’t stop there. Next on the agenda was to ban celebrations.

I have never heard a valid argument as why celebrations should be banned. People talk about the integrity of the game and respecting your opponent. What’s respectful about giving a 20 year old man paralysis? I know the goal is to distract me, but I’ve seen the NFL integrity, and it’s brought to you by Geico. So spare me the Vince Lombardi speech. I think banning celebrations stripped the NFL of the personality that brought people like me to the game. Think about Deion Sanders (who is the best athlete to ever play the game). He wouldn’t be able to step on the field without being fined.

Now I’m not saying the NFL doesn’t have a good product. As a matter of fact they have a great product, and there are still players I like to see. I like watching Michael Vick baffle defenses and Peyton Hillis run over linebackers. The problem is I don’t like watching Peyton Manning (I know I just blasphemed, but Manning is about as exciting as a M. Night Shyamalan film). Couple that with the television networks, which have made a conscious effort to force the Colts down my throat. And you have something that I’m not excited to watch.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 

How The Jersey Shore Saved The Summer

The Jersey Shore Didn't Disappoint

Let’s begin…

Did Jersey Shore do its job or did Jersey Shore do its job. I love sports which is the reason I struggle to find anything worth watching on TV during the summer, because baseball is the only thing on T.V. There is nothing I want to see less than regular season baseball (actually I would watch baseball over that Frank Caliendo Show. That thing was garbage (pronounced gar-bah-gg)).

So I was leaning on Snookie and the gang (gang?…why’d I say that) to get me through the summer, and they came through. Every episode of season 2 of Jersey Shore was great. They should get the MVP for compelling Television. The show has everything you want: men working too hard to impress women, women that don’t care about image, steroids, breast implants, transvestites, and tee-shirt time. If I was ask to script a more exciting show. I’d ask Pauly D to direct it.

Takeaways

• Everyone on this show now understands they are actors. It’s no longer a reality show. This is a sitcom. The Situation is as much of a character as Charlie Sheen on Two and A Half Men, and maybe real like.
• Ronnie and Sammie Sweetheart are a great couple for T.V. They never disappoint to entertain you with everything you don’t want in a spouse. They have a future in entertainment as long as Ronnie takes it easy on the juice.
• If you’re not The Situation, Ronnie, or Sammie save you money. Your chance in entertainment is about as P. Diddy making a band that works out.

 

This show has possibly one more season before it falls flat. I just hope they air it next summer.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 

MTV: “Let’s Have A Toast For The Douche Bags”

 

Kanye West At The MTV Awards.

Let’s begin…

MTV Awards

    So I watched the MTV awards last night, and it was a great show. At least I think it was great. I didn’t really watch the show. I fast forwarded through everything I didn’t want to see (anytime someone was receiving an award), and just watched the performances. Most of the performances were fantastic.

Performance Rating

1. Usher
2. Kanye West
3. B.O.B.
4. Linkin Park
5. Justin Bieber

Even Justin Bieber got my attention. I do wonder what Taylor swift was doing. I believe she still thinks the Kanye sympathy allows her to do…whatever you call that last night. That was some kind of country, music, ballad/pop/”I Hope the Kanye sympathy is still working.” I wasn’t too ecstatic about that performance. On the other hand Usher and Kanye West put it down. I will focus on the self-titled “Douche” Kanye West. West is still the best musical artist in America and maybe even the world. Despite the backlash and the shots he’s been taking, everyone still wants to watch him. You can say there’s “bad blood” between MTV and Mr. West, but even they recognizes what he brings to their show. So, I wasn’t surprised to see him close out the show last night. I was surprised they didn’t let him open the show too.

Jersey Shore

    Alright so I like watching Jersey Shore. There! I said it. I’m not proud of it. It’s something I need to help get me by, kind of like a Meth addiction. Every episode of this show is a must watch. It has the perfect amount of alcohol, breast implants, and staged fights, to make a great show. Someone should probably tell the guys to lay off the steroids, however if they need an over load of testosterone to make bad decisions. Please continue your cycle. As for the girls…continue to be hypocrites, and get bad tans. When your spray tans start rolling off your body like sweat on a hot summer day. I’m reminded why I like HD TV.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/

 

I like Grease Fires, Train Wrecks, and The Jersey Shore

Let’s begin…

So I found out from a trustworthy source, that the cast members of MTV’s Jersey Shore, will be filming the second season of their hit show in (this is where you drum role) Miami on South Beach.

Now I really don’t care where they film the show. As long as they entertain me I could care less. I liked the show when it was in Jersey, and hopefully I’ll like it in Miami.
We’ll see.

I have a sister that lives in Miami, and she loved the Jersey Shore, but since finding out it will be in Miami, she hates. Why? I call it “The Car Accident Effect” everyone like a car accident as long as their not in the driver’s seat. Now that their picking on what she likes, her city, her neighborhood, she doesn’t like it. Even though they’ll still be doing the same stupid stuff, like trying to nab all the “Gorilla Juiceheads” they can.

I think that if it’s good for the goose it’s good for the gander, under most circumstances. I mean really, Jersey Shore is good for no one. I feel the side effects of watching that show for a week, which is convenient because I’m ready for the next show. I guess that makes it okay. So, rock on Jersey Shore. Keep fist pumping, keep beating that beat up, nab “Gorillas”, and stay on your “GTL” schedule while in Miami. Make me laugh while touring America with your show. Heck! Tour the world and let them see the train wreck too. Don’t deprive the world of a good laugh. Just please let me know where you’ll be, because I need time to pack my stuff if you’re coming to my city. I don’t want to be the driver of The Car Accident.

-Kortney Shane
Comedian (Maybe a writer)

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy
www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy
KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com
http://kshanecomedy.blogspot.com