The National Title Belongs To The SEC Again; Kortney Shane’s College Football Season Review

Cam Newton Is A Champion, But For How Long?

Let’s begin…

Last night was a very interesting game. I knew it would start slow, because the stage was something these schools haven’t experienced. I didn’t think it would be so sloppy throughout the game. The biggest play on of the game occurred on a bad tackle. Where the runner, didn’t realize…he wasn’t tackled (what?). The execution on the field was terrible, and the coaching didn’t help.

I’m not going to blame everything on the coaching. What I will say is Gene Chizik is a bad coach and Chip Kelly is good to okay (Good in the Pac-10, and okay against everyone else). I thought Chizik’s approach hampered his offense. His play calling allowed Oregon to stay in the game. Auburn should have won that game by at least 14 points.

As for Chip Kelly, I tend to give him a bit of a pass. He’s coaching the players he has the best they can be coached. He has a small offensive line, and a defense that can kind of sort of create pressure. So, it makes sense that Kelly would try to play the edges of the field. At the same time if you’re a big time program, act like your big time. Play to win. Don’t run trick plays, and try to back door your way to a championship. GO WIN.

Now that the SEC has effectively dominated the entire college landscape, let’s stop arguing about what conference is the best. That’s like arguing about whether Amy Winehouse has a substance abuse problem. I know she has a problem, because I watched her do bumps on YouTube (See it here). And we know the SEC is the best conference, because they keep winning.

    This college football season was decent. While I enjoyed the games, there weren’t any great teams this year (It also didn’t help that Florida and Texas both had down seasons). That’s fine with me, because this year wasn’t about what happened on the field. This season will be remembered for rule violations and the hypocrisy of the NCAA. After seeing the way college football was expose for being the business that it is. I don’t know how anyone could deny that under this current format, college players should be compensated. I’m not talking about a suitcase full of case, or a scholarship (you know that scholarship they give to players, that’s supposed to convince everyone they’re actually students). I’m talking about a plan to funnel some of the money back to the individuals that are doing the work.

As long as this system stays the way it is. I will not condone or condemn any athlete with their hand out. So, I’m not slamming Cam Newton, A.J. Green, or the “Tat Five” at Ohio State. Instead I’m hoping that the playing field is made level for everyone. Now let’s count down the days until Auburn has the give back the National Title.

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football Preview: BCS Bowl Games 2010

Let’s begin…

First read the headline…now read it again. That means I will not be breaking down 6-5 teams playing in the Top Ramen bowl (I’d rather talk about high school volleyball). So this is my apology to fans of irrelevant teams, playing in irrelevant games.

Here are my picks for compelling non BCS bowl games

Boise State beats Utah

Now let’s move on.

Fiesta Bowl

Connecticut Huskies vs. Oklahoma Sooners

The Huskies are going to get their doors blown off. I’m not going to waste my time explaining why. My only question in regard to this game is…why does the Big East have an automatic bid. I don’t know why they can’t allow the 4^th automatic bid to go to the highest ranked BCS team, who’s Conference is not already represented in a BCS bowl games (So this year TCU would have got the automatic bid, and that would have made way for Boise State to play in a BCS bowl).

Oklahoma win, 40 – 10

Orange Bowl

Virginia Tech Hokies vs. Stanford Cardinals

I’m telling you don’t buy the hype. That should be the title for this game and all the BCS bowl games for that matter. Everybody has been talking about how great Stanford and Andrew Luck are, it makes you believe they’re actually a good team. I hate to break the news (I’m lying right there. I love breaking news, especially when it makes me look good) but Stanford isn’t that good. Now before you tell me about how John Harbough is an NFL coach and Andrew Luck is the best quarterback since Nute Rockney. Allow me to ask you a question…who have they beat (Don’t worry I will give you time to think. I know it takes a while to mentally sift through all those Pac-10 juggernauts. By the way the Pac-10 is the most overrated conference in the country).

While you’re still thinking let me address Virginia Tech. As we all know the Hokies got off to a rough start. After losing to Boise State to open the season, they lost to James Madison (I know some of you’ll are confused. You thought James Madison was only a president. Well he also plays football in Division 1-AA. Now go back to figuring out who Stanford beat). What no one talks about is how Virginia Tech hasn’t lost since then. The Hokies ran away with the Coastal Conference of the ACC, and cap their run by winning the ACC Championship.

I respect Stanford as a football team, but I haven’t seen enough to say they have been truly tested. Virginia Tech will beat (hey you guys still thinking I’m making my pick) Stanford, because overall they have better players. Stanford won’t be able to keep up with their speed.

Hokies win 30 – 24

Sugar Bowl

Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Arkansas Razorbacks

In recent history the Ohio State Buckeyes have struggled against the SEC in bowl games. The Bucks have had trouble trying to stop the spread offense. Now they did beat Oregon last year (who runs a spread offense), but maybe it was in admiration.

The Arkansas Razorbacks are a good team that has proved themselves in the SEC. They have an NFL quarterback and a serviceable coach. However they’re not that good. Now I give them credit for over achieving, but Ohio State isn’t going to give them any. “So congratulations Arkansas now brace for a beating.” They have no business playing in this game. You may say, “Ohio State struggles with the SEC.” I agree that they have struggled, but this team is barely a top 5 SEC team.

Ohio State should beat Arkansas in dominating fashion.

Buckeyes win, 30 – 20

Rose Bowl

TCU Horned Frogs vs. Wisconsin Badgers

This is the best game out of all of the bowl games. I’m expecting a heavy weight championship fight. You have the bruising running game of Wisconsin in one corner, and TCU’s defense in the other corner.

I hear people trying to downgrade TCU because of their competition, and I agree. I don’t think they are the 3rd best team in the country. However, that doesn’t matter. I judge teams based on what I see. I saw TCU play, and they have the best defense in the Country. I think it will make for an interesting game, because Wisconsin has the best running game in the country. The Horn Frogs offense is also underrated. Their senior quarterback Andy Dalton can flat out play. I think their passing game could pose serious problems for the Badgers.

I had the misfortune of experiencing Wisconsin when they beat Ohio State (And man did they beat them. I haven’t seen someone dominate the spotlight like that since Beyoncé was in Destiny’s Child). Wisconsin is a good football, and they’ll be ready to play. Some of their wins are a bit overrated, but they won the games. The problem with Wisconsin is their biggest strength is their biggest flaw. The Badgers run the ball, run the ball, and run the ball. That’s a good way to win in the Big Ten, but when you play warm weather games on a neutral field. You have to be able to throw the ball.

I think TCU will stop Wisconsin’s running game and narrowly win this game.

Horned Frogs win, 22 – 20

The BCS National Championship

Oregon Ducks vs. Auburn Tigers

Auburn is better than Oregon. However, the best team doesn’t always win. So allow me to make a case for Oregon.

The Ducks have the most efficient offense in college football (by efficient I mean they score fast…I wanted to define that is case you didn’t have a dictionary handy, or hadn’t left your house since 1910). Their spread offense is not like the other ones being run in college football. Usually a spread offense is based on a finesse style of play where the object is to get the ball to your athletes in space. Oregon’s offense can not only spread you out, but with LaMicheal James they have the ability to be a power running team. This makes the opposition vulnerable to play action passing one every play. Consequently your defense is never comfortable and always off balance. Defensively the ducks are extremely limited. They play great with a lead, but in tight games their flaws are evident.

The Auburn Tigers are the best team in the country. With Cam Newton they have the ability to control your entire team. Newton single handedly got Auburn to the national championship (which is what you’re supposed to do when you’re getting paid).I would like t be able to point to all the qualities Auburn has, but I can’t find them. I don’t know how they beat LSU, Arkansas, and Alabama. I picked against Auburn in every big game. I’m not going to look like an idiot again. The Tigers are beast. Cam Newton will earn his pay check.

Tigers win, 35 – 21

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Kortney Shane’s College Football 2010 Season Review “Thank You Cam Newton!”

Cameron And Cecil Newton Got Paid?

Let’s begin…

My take away from this season is one thing, Cam Newton. There are other stories that I will talk about, but Newton is the main event. So let me get the undercards out of the way.

The most surprising story this year is the Texas Longhorns. Now I know they lost Colt McCoy (McCoy was their quarterback for the previous 4 years and currently holds the records for most career wins in college football. He now plays for the Cleveland Browns which I think is the highlight of his career), but you’re Texas. You’re supposed to get quarterbacks like Bill Cosby gets Jell-O pudding, “very easily.” Texas has decided to fire their offensive coordinator which is a bit of a knee jerk, but after this kind of season someone has to go. They’ll be better next year…I think so.

The most overrated portion of College Football is the Pac-10. Now before I rip the Pac-10 allow me to say I love the west coast. As a matter of fact I live in Seattle. I think there are serviceable football teams in this time zone, and some excellent quarterbacks. However this is not a great place for football. Between Google, lattes, and tree hugging there is no emotion left for sports. So to compare the Pac-10 to the SEC is about as smart as Jake Locker coming back to school another year (Even Lindsay Lohan thinks that was a bad decision). If you give the Pac-10 time and patience, they will come through below the big boys every time.

Over the last year and two months Urban has conducted a clinic on how to quit a job after success. If you didn’t attend the clinic, shame on you because it was open to the public. After two titles and Tim Tebow, Meyer saw that he was at the top of the heap. Actually it wasn’t a heap. It was more like a cliff, with mediocrity and irrelevance at the bottom. So, what does Urban do? He toys publicly with the idea of retiring (because he knew it was going to be tough to stay on top), and eventually ends up coming back for another year. Now he decides walks away after taking half a step off that cliff (He probably saw a lot of jagged rocks and Nick Saban laughing at him).

Urban Meyer said he retired from the Florida Gators to be with his family. Coaching at a high level is time consuming and unhealthy. Only thing that makes coaching worse is losing. I think it’s odd when people want to spend more time with their family as soon as their ship starts sinking. I’m not going to say he is lying. I will say he hasn’t coached his last game. “Urban thanks for showing the public how to get out. Now get in there and coach the Denver Broncos.”

Finally we arrive, Cam Newton!

First let’s get something straight. Cameron Newton got paid to play college football…now let’s move on.

For the last year I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay college players without creating a competitive advantage for NCAA teams (if you have any suggestions email me). Amidst my struggle, here come Cam Newton and his pops. Until I figure that out I want to formally adopt Cecil Newton’s (Cam’s father (I like to call him Don King Jr)) pay for play scheme. So, until I figure out a solution, “Parents are the only people allowed to negotiate contracts for college athletes. It’s only right that kids get paid. Now excuse me…I have to figure out how to keep Boise State out of the BCS.”

Cameron Newton has game. Anyone would like to have a player like him on their team. I watched this guy week after week trying to find the flaws in his game, and every week I ended up disappointed. I would mumble under my breath, “There’s no way a guy could win with a team that bad. His coach is Gene Chizik for goodness sake. Prior to this year his record was 13-24.”

I am skeptical about how much he will win as an NFL quarterback, because the guy has a lot of LeBron James in him (You win big individually but you can never quite get over the hump and win championships at the highest level). During an interview he uttered the phrase, “…I also told him. I was going to take my talents to Auburn.” That phrase should be on the ban list in the “Good P.R. Handbook.” Stop with the “taking of talents.” Especially is you’ve already stole a laptop, cheated on a test, and lied to the NCAA. How about you take the money from Auburn and go to the NFL.

The college football season was good. I could have done without all the Pac-10 breakdowns and BCS debate shows. The only thing that pisses me off more than the BCS, is people that debate it at nauseam. We all get it the BCS stinks, but it’s not going away. Treat the BCS like a spouse that you owe a lifetime of alimony. The only way to stop it is to kill it. So let’s be quiet until it dies.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

www.facebook.com/kshanecomedy

www.youtube.com/kshanecomedy

KortneyShaneComedy@gmail.com

https://thekortneyshanepillar.wordpress.com/