Tag Archives: Vince Carter

2011 NBA Season Lottery Teams Rankings, MVP, and Best Team

The Heat, Lakers, and Thunder Are All Powerhouse Teams

Let’s begin…

NBA Lottery Teams, Power Rankings

The rankings are based on a combination of quality of players, expectations, and how awful the team was. I’m ranking best outcome to worse outcome.

“This is it. Don’t get scared now.”

  1. L.A. Clippers: This was clearly the best lottery team this season. They toyed with the idea of making the playoffs while being just bad enough to make it into the lottery. Couldn’t have done it better myself.
  2. Houston Rockets: This is the arguably the best team in the lottery. They obviously have some holes to fill in the front court, but they have one of the best front offices in the NBA. They will be fine. Look for them to make the playoffs next year.
  3. Milwaukee Bucks: This is a playoff team that caught some bad breaks. Look for them to get back on track next season. “Fear the Dear”
  4. Phoenix Suns: This franchise is in denial. They should have started rebuilding 3 years ago after the Shaq experience. They have to get what they can for Steve Nash and cut bait with Vince Carter as soon as possible. Do it for the kids.
  5. Golden State Warriors: I don’t even know what to call this. I think it’s a basketball team, but I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish. I’m not sure they are even trying to win games, but I love this organization, because hands down they have the best fantasy players.
  6. Utah Jazz: After losing their two best players what could you reasonably expect. If you’re a Jazz fan just pray Jimmer Fredette is off the board before the Jazz make their pick.
  7. Minnesota Timberwolves: For the talent this team had they should have won a few more games. At the same time this is Minnesota. I’m not sure they know they still have a basketball team.
  8. Sacramento Kings: Welcome to the best high school team of all time. If John Calipari were a GM this is the team he would put together. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Kings end up having to vacate wins.
  9. Charlotte Bobcats: You changed coaches, traded away your best players, and Michael Jordan is your de facto GM. Other than that things are great.
  10. Washington Wizards: Your team stinks, but at least you have John Wall.
  11. Cleveland Cavaliers: “Damn” Nuff said
  12. Toronto Raptors: I know why this debacle happened, but did you have to wallow in the debacle?
  13. Detroit Pistons: I wanted to put Toronto last, but then I remembered that no one playing for the Pistons likes to organization. So I will jump off the ship with them.

My All NBA Team

C Dwight Howard

PF LaMarcus Aldridge

SF LeBron James

SG Dwyane Wade

PG Derrick Rose

I almost put Kevin Durant at shooting guard because he should be on this list.

2011 MVP

This belongs to Dwight Howard. I don’t want to hear about how Derrick Rose is so great. Look, dude isn’t even top five in the NBA (FYI top five: LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Dirk Nowitzki). Don’t get me wrong he’s a good player, but he is replaceable. On the other hand no one changes the game on both ends of the floor the way Dwight Howard does. He is the most dominate force in the NBA, and the MVP.

Best Team in the NBA

The Los Angeles Lakers are the best team. It may be seen as a copout, but they’re the best. The bottom line is they would be the favorite against every other team in the NBA. They have the best closer in Kobe Bryant, and the best coach in Phil Jackson. The Lakers should win the championship.

Season Synopsis

This has been the best regular season in recent history. I think it can spark another golden age in basketball, and I want to thank LeBron James (you’ll have to excuse me for a moment I just threw up in my mouth). James and the Miami Heat changed the way originations put their teams together. Now thanks to them we have powerhouse teams in big markets (the downside is terrible teams like Toronto ad Cleveland…just threw up in my mouth again).

There are 6 teams that have a legitimate shot at winning a championship. I can’t remember the last time that was the case. Wide open playoffs should make for some excitement.

“It’s Go Time!”

-Kortney Shane Williams

Comedian and Writer


Posted by on April 17, 2011 in Basketball


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Refire The Miami Heat Hype; Can The Orlando Magic Win It All?

Another Christmas, Another LeBron James Win

Let’s begin…

I knew it would happen if Miami beat L.A. on Christmas day. I knew writers would fuel it, because of the easy story line. I thought the Lakers would stop it dead in it’s tracks. What I didn’t know is the Lakers could care less about it.

“It” is the hype machine. Let’s refire it.

The stage was set for the main event on Christmas day. The Miami Heat vs. the L.A. Lakers in the Staples Center, The Heat 3 versus Kobe and the boys. The game started at 5 o’ clock, but I’m still waiting for the Lakers to show up (Maybe there on Isaiah Rider time and they’ll show some time in the second quarter next week). I would like to say the Lakers quit, but that would be giving them too much credit. They just no showed.

I have to give Miami credit. They won the game. They showed up, and dominated. I don’t remember them missing a jump shot. It was like watching Pleasantville (when everyone was black and white…I think I’ll stop with the lame movie references). They didn’t make any detrimental mistakes the entire game, which is surprising because Eric Dampier and Joel Anthony are on the team. I didn’t even know they could catch a basketball. I saw the look in their eyes and they were shocked too. So, big ups to the Heat.

With that being said my opinion on the Heat hasn’t changed. I think they’re top 3 in the Eastern Conference and a championship contender. That opinion isn’t changing until they win something.

The Magic Back To How They Were?

I was somewhat impressed with the Orlando Magic, but more with what they did before the game.

The Magic made two huge trades last week. They brought back Hedo Turkoglu, and acquired Gilbert Arenas. More importantly, they got rid of Vice Carter and Rashard Lewis. Vince Carter has never went to another team, and made it better. He has always made the team worse. (If you don’t believe me look it up). The problem with Vince is he always shrinks on the big stage, milks injuries (By the way he hasn’t played a game since the trade because of…wait for it…a knee injury), and mails in games all the time. He’s, just, puree (A saying I made famous in high school, which means no one but me knows of it). Vince Carter is everything you don’t want in a franchise player.

As for Rashard Lewis, dude is just over paid. If he were making less money he would have stayed in Orlando. At least he gets to go to D.C. It should be easier for him to get his steroids there.

With the trades Orlando made they publicly admitted they made a mistake. They should have paid Hedo (Even though he’s over paid), because of what he was to their team. He was the guy that step up in clutch moments and led the team to the finals. He even made Rashard Lewis look good. Turkoglu has always been big time, even going back to his days in Sacramento. I don’t have much to say about Gilbert. I just hope he doesn’t bring guns in the locker room, or take a dump in someone shoes. So, I give the Magic credit for rectify their mistake.

I think Orland has gotten back to what made them a good team. They have a clear franchise player in Dwight Howard (please see this on Dwight Howard), and a proven clutch performer in Hedo Turkoglu. The fact that they beat Boston says nothing. If you want to dissect it, you could say Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins weren’t playing. You could also say Orlando beat and lost to Boston in the playoffs, so the game proves nothing. What I saw was a group of players that all knew their roles. That’s what got Orlando to the Finals two years ago, and they now have a chance to win a championship.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian and Writer

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Posted by on December 29, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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“Taking Your Talents to South Beach” Chris Paul Will Make it A Trend

LeBron and Paul Have More Than Frienship in Common

Let’s begin…

So there’s a report out in regard to Chris Paul. According to Chris Broussard, Chris Paul has request a trade from the New Orleans Hornets. Hi preferred destinations are said to be New York, Portland, and Orlando which is said to be a top that list. I think Paul’s request was caused by the decision that the Heat’s small forward made, and it may even reveal why he made the move. He’s said to be “best friends” with Chris Paul (I had to put best friends in parenthesis, because James (used his name) is best friends with everyone. He’s best friends with Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Jay-Z, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet…he’s probably best friends with Mel Brooks (the alcoholic not the comedian). Chris Paul and LeBron (did it again) had conversations about where they would play their respective careers. So, that leads me to believe that they both knew each other was thinking about leaving their respective teams before LeBron (I give up) made his decision. And if you didn’t know that, you’re just not paying attention. So, maybe LeBron made his decision to stay ahead of the curve. Maybe Chris Paul decided to leave now, and exercise his power, after he saw it was possible to pull off. I side with the later. I think players say think about what it would be like to play with another great player, but because of the salary cap they don’t think it will happen. However, this summer that was proved wrong.

    I hope that Chris Paul ends up playing for the Orlando Magic. Now as a Cleveland sports fan I’m a little torn, because I see what James leaving did to a city. At the same time the duty of a true fan is to wish vengeance on a player that doesn’t leave the right way. And what better way to wish vengeance than to hope Chris Paul plays in Orlando. Just imagine LeBron tries to back door his way into a championship, but wait a minute. Chris Paul and Dwight Howard form the Magic 2. Not only are the Magic younger, but the team is better. So you spin this forward 3 years, and Miami hasn’t won a championship. There’s dissension among the Heat, Pat Riley comes back, and Van Gundy is smiling. Imagine the hysteria and the backlash. I can see it right now. LeBron takes an hour out of ESPN, he’s at a Sports Authority in Las Vegas, he donating the money to Hookers, and he says, “This fall I have decided to take my talents to Venice Beach, and play for the L.A. Lakers.”

    This summer things have changed in the NBA. For the last 10 years everyone has been trying to find the next Michael Jordan. “Who’s going to take over?” We’ve been reaching for what the NBA was going to be. “Well now we have arrived at an answer. The NBA is now the league of super powers. Stop looking for the next Michael Jordan, because he won’t be here for another 15 years. Instead embrace the supper teams. For the next 10 years the NBA will be reminiscent to the 70s and 80s. It will become the undisputed number two sport in America, and become must see T.V.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on July 24, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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NBA Playoffs Review Part 1: NBA Finals

Let’s begin…

So it’s over. First, I have to offer a formal apology to Doc Rivers, and the Boston Celtics. I was completely wrong about your team. You all were a true championship team, and I was wrong. So, I will no longer rip Doc Rivers for his lack of coaching skills, especially since he worked Phil Jackson throughout the Finals. So the title for “questionable coaching” now belongs to Flip Saunders. I still can’t figure out how he keeps getting jobs.

The NBA Finals was a very good series. The two best teams this series reached the finals, and they didn’t disappoint. There was a blowout, flopping, comedy, and suspense. That’s everything you want a great series to be. By the way, I love the Shrek and Donkey line. I think I like it because Glenn Davis looks like Shrek (not a compliment if you’re wondering), and a cartoon movie fits Nate Robinson perfectly. Why you ask, because it’s has nothing to do with basketball. And I believe the further Nate is away from the ball, the better his career is. I believe one reason the Celtics didn’t win is Nate Robinson. I just don’t think the basketball hierarchy could have accepted him into the Celtic championship club. Just think: Sam Jones, Larry Bird, Dennis Johnson, Kevin Garnett, Kevin McHale, and Nate Robinson. Someone doesn’t belong in that group.

The Celtics had a fantastic season, and they overachieved. As for the champion L.A. Lakers, congratulations, they were the better team throughout the season. Kobe Bryant has now put himself in the discussion of being one of the top 5 NBA players of all time. Now that we have gotten that out the way, let’s talk game seven. Game 7 came down to one thing, closing the game. The Celtics were in the position to win NBA title, but it was derailed Paul Pierce the super hero. Somewhere in between Game2 against Cleveland and Game 7 against the Lakers, Paul Pierce forgot that the reason he was in the finals was Paul Pierce. Without Rondo, the Celtics wouldn’t have gotten out of the second round. However, at the end of Game 7 Pierce is running isolation plays. How many games did he win this post season running isolation? I’ll tell you, none. Dude pass the ball, and run the offense through Rondo. Here’s a rule of thumb, don’t be Vice Carter if you don’t have to be.

Once again Congratulations to the Lakers.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on June 19, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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NBA Finals 2010 Preview, who will win? I know…

Let’s begin…

“Oh, so we made it this far…” It’s time for the final act, but before we do that, lets put Orlando and Phoenix to rest.

    Orlando, what happened? Please don’t tell me. Let me guess. Was it Vince Carter? So, I guess this series puts the whole Vince Carter, Hedo Turkoglu debate to rest. Now everyone knows. Even though I thought everyone already knew. I guess Vince is like a woman that’s been on Maury 7 times. We’re hoping she finds the father, and we hope Vince can find a playoff game. In the mean time it’s fun watching him try. Orlando was a better team than the Boston Celtics, but the best team doesn’t always win. At the same time you have to give the Celtics credit. They knew they could leave Rashard Lewis open. They knew Vince was a playoff bum. And they knew it would take Stan Van Gundy 3 games to play J.J. Redick. Redick is not a great player, but they needed basketball IQ on the floor. That’s right Orlando lost because they were dumb. Now that they’re done lets start the Dwight Howard rumors. How about Howard to the Knicks?

    “Phoenix, the rollercoaster season is over. You guys over achieved. No one thought you would even slightly put it together. I give you credit for entertaining me once again, and not playing defense. You guys even tried playing a zone. I haven’t seen a zone since I played JV basketball.” I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that they played a zone, or the fact that it worked. I think I have to give you credit for at least trying, but enjoy the finals at home. Also get ready for the offseason rollercoaster. Lets call it, “Amare Stoudemire.”

The Finals

    So we have arrived. Celtics v. Lakers. The most storied franchises in the NBA. Old fans will watch because it reminds them of their youth. Young fans watch because of Kobe Bryant. Everyone else watches it, because they don’t want to watch hockey. I can’t believe that Boston made it. Not only do they have Doc Rivers as a coach, but they beat Miami, Cleveland, and Orlando. Those were the three toughest possible Eastern Conference matchups. The Lakers on the other hand were expected to be in this position. Many people felt they were the best team all season, and they proved to be the best team in the Eastern Conference. If you’re keeping count at home, they’ve been to 3 NBA Championships in a row. Now lets ask Phil Jackson if he’ll leave L.A. to coach the Nets.

    This is a tough series to call. I could see it going either way. So let’s break it down player for player.

    Kobe v. Paul Pierce. I give the edge to Kobe. He’s superior in every way, and he’s the best player in the NBA.

    Ron Artest v. Ray Allen. This matchup is even. Offense cancels out the defense for both players.

    Rajon Rondo v. Derrik Fisher. Rondo v. Fisher, need I say more. This match up is a mismatch and it’s not even close. The point guard position is the Lakers biggest flaw.

    Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum v. Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins. I give the Lakers a slight edge in the front court. The Lakers are better offensively while the Celtics have the defensive edge. Great offense always beats great defense.

    Rasheed Wallace, Glen Davis, Tony Allen v. Lamar Odom, Jordan Farmar, Shannon Brown. I definitely take the Celtics bench. Rasheed will be smart and physical. Glen Davis will play hard. At certain times during the NBA Finals Tony Allen will bet the best player on the floor. Lamar Odom is up and down, east and west. He could give you a great game, but it depends on how many Gummy Bears he eats at halftime. The rest of the Lakers bench is useless. I give a huge edge to the Celtics.

I keep trying to talk myself into the Lakers winning the finals, but I can’t do it. I think they can win if Rondo doesn’t play well, but I don like picking a team based on a big time player failing. I will give the Lakers a punchers chance. They have the best and baddest man on the planet, Kobe Bryant. If Kobe can pull this off, I will rank him right up there with Jordan. I just don’t think it’s going to happen. I will take the Celtics in 5. Rajon Rondo will be the Finals MVP.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)


Posted by on June 2, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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The Champion Boston Celtics, I was never fooled

Let’s begin…

    I have argued that the 2008 Boston Celtics were never a championship team. Before we go any further lets get a couple of things straight. First off the best team doesn’t always win an NBA playoff series (1994 Nuggets, 2007 Golden State, and any team with Vince Carter). Also there is a difference between a championship team and a team that won a championship.

    The 2008 Boston team was a group of players put together to win a championship, and that’s exactly what they did. The magic of the 2008 Celtics is that it put together people that had something to prove. Doc Rivers had to prove that he wasn’t a bad coach (he’s a decent coach). James Posey had to prove that he wasn’t a one trick pony, and he wasn’t. Garnett, Allen, and Pierce had to prove they could win, and they did. Danny Ainge had to prove he wasn’t a terrible General Manager, and he is terrible. Make no mistake about it. He’s missed more times than Nick Anderson in the 95′ Finals. If not for the inside job he pulled off with Kevin Garnett, he would have been fired by now (it reminds me of how Bush was re-elected, except Bush was better at his job).

    So, Boston had the perfect combination of people and seized the opportunity. They should get full credit for that. I’m a Cleveland fan, hopefully Mike Holmgren is listening. I wouldn’t mind winning a championship with LaDainian Tomlinson, Matt Hasselbeck, and Chad Ochocinco if that’s what it takes. However, that doesn’t mean you’re a championship team. A true championship team has more than one great playoff run inside of them. That doesn’t necessarily mean they win multiple championships (please see the 2004 Detroit Pistons). It does mean that you should be a viable contender for the championship. So if you won one title, and never did anything in the playoffs before or since…you’re not a true champion. The Miami Heat won a Championship once upon a time, and no one brings it up. That’s exactly how the 2008 Celtics should be remembered.

    “So what happens to a team that believes they’re champions when they’re not?” Oh that’s easy, they become the 2010 Celtics, over hyped old players that can’t play. They talk trash, they can’t back up. They start elbowing down low to get an advantage. And they begin wearing the Patrick Ewing endorsed volleyball kneepads. Remember when people said, “Paul Pierce is the best player in the NBA.” If you said that, how dumb do you feel right now? Whenever Pierce breaks his leg in the first quarter, and comes back in the game before halftime. Only one word comes to mind “Fraud.” If you look back to 2008 season was he even a top five player then? Think to yourself…was he better than LeBron, no…better than Kobe, no…how about Chris Paul, Steve Nash, D-Wade, or even Carmelo Anthony, no (I will stop there, you get the point). Remember Kevin Garnett in 08′? The guy that would start cursing after every made basket and snatch the opponent’s ball out of the air once a foul is called. Yeah that guy is long gone. His athleticism has left him, and now he’s just annoying. I would call him a bully, but occasionally a bully beats someone up. Garnett runs from a fight faster than Usain Bolt (See Zaza Pachulia video ). I wish Charles Oakley was still in the league. I would personally give him a fifth of Jack, and one of the new KFC chicken sandwiches. It would be great to watch him play against Garnett. As soon as Garnett yells, “Anything is possible” Oakley would come out of know where and hit him with the Flair Chop. At least bring back Rafer Alston, and let him slap Eddie House again (sorry to pick on Eddie, but I want to laugh). You may not believe it, but I like Kevin Garnett. He is one of my favorite players all time. I think he’s a hall of famer, and a great player. I just want to see him get slapped.

    Now that Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Paul Pierce are content with their championship. We should let them ride into the sunset. Once they lose in the second round of the 2010 playoff, we should take them off life support. Send flowers, a card, and wish them well. It was great to see for one year, but it’s over.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on April 21, 2010 in Basketball, Sports


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The NBA Playoffs, There May Be D-Wade After Shocks

“Hey We Made It”

That’s what the people in my head are saying. We made it. Can you feel it? The NBA Playoffs are here.

    Before we get to the playoffs let me say this. The NBA season is too long for how uncompetitive some of the teams are. Its ridiculous how bad New Jersey, Golden State, and New York are, I literally think that there are more qualified basketball players in college and the D-League.

    Now let’s get to the playoff talk. I’m not going to talk about every team so, if you’re a fan of the Bulls or Milwaukee sign off now, and move to L.A. First, of all don’t be surprised by Boston this year. That’s not a good team. I even argue that they never were a true championship team. Only thing that would surprise me is if they won a series. I think that they may lose in the first round. I’m not calling the upset, because at anytime during game 2, Rasheed Wallace may remember that he’s actually supposed to be playing basketball. For that reason I think they win one series and after that they get whacked.

    The scariest teams in the playoff are Atlanta and San Antonio (in their respective divisions). Atlanta is a match up disaster for any team. They have size and speed on the wing. That’s hard to defend in any athletic field. The Spurs have a great coach, and the have the best chemistry out of all the teams in the west.

    Let’s just skip right to the Conference Finals. Start the drum roll, The Conference Finals will be Spurs/Mavericks v. Lakers and Cavilers v. Hawks. I go with Spurs or Mavs because I don’t know if Dirk will show up down the stretch. He may still be suffering from D-Wade ’07 Finals after shocks. He also had that episode with David West, where he was patted on the cheek. Google those videos, and watch Dirk’s eyes. He looks like he’s in the ring with Tyson in 1989. With that being said, if Dirk shows up the Mavs win.

    In the east I’m calling the upset. The Atlanta Hawks will get to the Conference Finals. If you’ve been watching for the last couple of years they have been right there. They have everything you need to beat Orlando. A good point guard, match up problems on the wing, and…oh yeah, Orlando have Vince Carter. I will always pick against him. He played his best basketball in those Nike Shox commercials. He reminds me of A-Rod, except he’s not as good, not as rich, and he don’t have a clutch bone in his body. Okay I guess we should scratch that comparison. I found a better one, just Google Jose Mesa.

    The Finals will be the Cavs v. one of the three teams out of the west. I would out right pick the, but Derek Fisher can’t guard anybody, and Bynum is made of Paper Mache. If the Spurs slip the Mavs, Tony Parker would work Derek Fisher and possibly get to the Finals. The Mavs have the best team on paper, but…the D-Wade after shocks could be in attendance. So, let’s say everything goes somewhat normal. I predict the Lakers will go to the Finals. Mavs can’t take advantage of the Lakers biggest flaw at the point guard. Jason Kidd is just too slow. Also, too much Kobe, too much Phil Jackson, and “This just in” Ron Artest may have food coloring in his hair.

    So, in the Finals we get what we have wanted for 3 years. Kobe v. LeBron

    At this point I will sign off. I’m not predicting the Finals because I’m a Cavaliers fan. Therefore I’m not subjective when it comes to them. I don’t want to entertain the idea that they may lose. So, why don’t you just tell me what you think? If you think Cleveland will win I will be happy? If you think L.A. will win I will act like I never heard it.

-Kortney Shane

Comedian (Maybe a writer)

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Posted by on April 17, 2010 in Basketball


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